Don’t be Mad!

Imagine how upset I was to click on What’s New at net-a-porter only to find that I’d missed out on another impressive statement piece.   Those of you who rely on me for shopping tips, please try to understand.   I’m so busy doing nothing all day that it’s all too easy to shirk my duties.

Anyway, this fancy bustier by Dolce & Gabbana sold out at $13,760. I’m guessing there was only one.

It looks very nice with a simple black pencil skirt.

Why can’t we just decorate a bustier from the lingerie department with a couple of pounds of cheap costume jewelry from a thrift shop or the 99 Cent store? Let’s say the bustier is $50.

The white one comes in black, Macy’s for $55.   The black one is by Carnival, $38.

Another $50 should be enough for a pile of crappy jewelry and beads from a crafts store. Sew the shit on while you’re watching TV or arguing with your husband. Voila! You have saved enough for a new car, or to send your kid to college for one year (assuming you have scholarship money too.)

Now you are a hero instead of a chump! And when you wear it, your husband should prove to be very amiable and quick to see your point of view. A man who is immune to the power of lingerie is not a man worth having.

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32 Responses to Don’t be Mad!

  1. Sprockets says:

    I think you are ON to something! You could bedazzle those bustiers and sell them on Etsy for MEGABUCKS! You will be RICH! RICH, I SAY!!!!

    I’m almost serious.

  2. David Duff says:

    ‘Sis’, I am not “immune to the power of lingerie”, just the opposite, but I can’t get very excited about a breast-plate that would have done wonders for a French Cuirassier at Waterloo!

    Please do get a grip, I only come here for the minor titillation!

  3. honeypants says:

    I actually agree with Sprockets on this! Also, coming from Mardi Gras land, it looks like something you might actually find in a thrift store around here in the costume department for $10 tops.

  4. patni says:

    hahahahahhaah. late 80s early 90’s i totally made and sold these. Cheap often vintage bustier, with a bunch of glittery crap on it. I probably charged about $20 for one and felt guilty for over charging.

  5. Ha, I made and sold those in the 80s too! Only I charged a hell of a lot more than you Patni!

  6. sprockets says:

    Honeypants, you sound surprised that you agree with me! And the fact that it would be $10 at a thrift store is EXACTLY why I’d expect to find it listed for $275 on Etsy.

    Just thought of a “wildlife version.” On my way out to find a cheap bustier at Wommit and then some dead birds. . . . .

  7. Winterbird says:

    Even better if you know someone with daycare connections, you could have the kids decorate the bustier and I bet they would be fabulous!

  8. Sister Wolf says:

    sprockets – YES, dead birds, taxidermy is still hipster bait, I’m sure.

    Honeypants, patni and Suzanne – I thought I was so clever t figure this out, I am no good at DIY projects, and now you have shamed me. In fact, you have slut-shamed me.

  9. Sister Wolf says:

    David – It unhooks in two seconds, and with your experience, you should be able to do it with one hand.

  10. Sister Wolf says:

    Winterbird – Hahahahahhahaha! Senior daycare ,too. And occupational therapy!

  11. David Duff says:

    I still can’t manage bra hooks. And I’m 72 years old! Pathetic or what?

  12. candy says:

    You are very good with words Sister. when will you write a book? I like reading you…love it! It helps me with my daily life. I did gt a bustier once, I bought it from a girl, she glued things on it, the bustier was from JCpenney and she glued it with all kind of crafty things around the top part, it was nice. Creativity should cost only the cost of the craftsmanship and the material, at least not 13 000 dollars! unless it’s made of diamonds or gold…

  13. Sister Wolf says:

    David – With you, it’s endearing, not pathetic I’m sorry.

  14. Cricket9 says:

    While you ladies discuss the bustier and the pricing (not to mention Mr. Duff’s dexterity), I’m running to the store to get the black one and start sewing, gluing and beading. It will be a masterpiece, I’m sure!

  15. Juri says:

    I have a strong urge to wear that D&G bustier (and a pair of speedoes) to my salary renegotiation later this month. Just to see if my boss can resist the power of lingerie. I’m getting tired of having a day job. When I was a free lance translator I could get drunk every afternoon, as long as I produced whatever crap it was I had to deliver in the moring. At some level I miss those days.

  16. sprockets says:

    Juri, sounds like those days could come back real soon – minus the salary – if you implement your plan!

  17. patni says:

    Don’t worry sister wolf, do not feel slut ashamed. I can make you one for the bargain price of only $10,000!

  18. Debbie says:

    You fucken crack me up Sister Wolf!!!!! LOL! And so true! slap a ton of costume jewelry on that thing and voila! Haute couture!

  19. Suspended says:

    Why do I get the feeling the bustier is watching me.

    I remember a long time ago my wife had a bra that fastened at the front. Until now, I had no idea how much I miss that bra. I must ask after it. Anyway, you just pressed the fastening and off it flew. Instant unleashing is a remarkable advance in braziers! Why aren’t they all made that way? You just put it on like a little waistcoat, no need for the fasten, spin and arms in, palaver.

  20. Elaine says:

    I see….belly dancing lampshade?

  21. Victoria says:

    I might be slightly crazy, but the glittery thing in the first picture is staring at me and smiling like it has something nasty on its mind… Don’t tell me you can’t see its eyes following you across the room like Mona Lisa’s! 🙂

  22. Suebob says:

    This one is actually nicer and less than $1000 – plus you’re supporting a crafter. I still don’t want it, but it’s on option for people who don’t want to spend the price of a decent used car on some bejeweled crap.

  23. Sam says:

    Nearly $14,000 for a piece of clothing is just obscene.

  24. Desiree says:

    Who’s the fucker that bought this thing huh? Huh? I have been robbed of this hideous treasure. I’m gonna take your advice Sister to keep me occupied while my darling goes through this fucked-up morphine detox period. Thanks for the tip!

  25. Andra says:

    Cricket, I can’t wait to see what you come up with. I just know it will be great.
    Team it with some of your terrific bracelets and I’ll bet they sell like wildfire.
    Suspended, I once had some bras that fastened in front. They were so good. Why can’t we have them anymore?
    David, practice, practice and practice some more. All the best musos do, you know, and therein lies their success with women.

  26. Cricket9 says:

    Andra, if only I could charge $13,000 for one, I’d be set, no need of a new job, heh heh!

  27. candy says:

    I just read on yahoo that hermes is selling a new purse for guess how much???? 1 million 900 something dollars! It’s worth a post Sister wolf, I know how much you like Hermes! what do you think? I just read the title and it is nuts!

  28. Sister Wolf says:

    Juri – You are a hero for keeping a day job. You deserve some nice lingerie, and so much more. xo

  29. Sister Wolf says:

    Suspended – Those front-opening bras always had such crappy closure thingies! I would happily wear one if the thingie wasn’t a plastic Rubik’s cube.

    Suebob – Where is the link to whatever you’re talking about????

    Desiree – Good question. Cher, maybe? Good luck and blessings to your Darling.

    Elaine and Victoria – YES. Why didn’t I see that??

  30. Sister Wolf says:

    candy – Oh god. I’ll go look for it.

  31. Oh no! No slut-shaming! They were so popular in the excessive 80s, I even did cage versions with skirts to match! (My cage bustier even made it to a “what’s hot” issue of Rolling Stone in the 80s, whoo hoo!) I’ll make one for you! Studs and bedazzled, heehee!

  32. dust says:

    I think the $13,760 one was bedazzled by a virgin. That explains the price and confirms your assumption that there was only one ever made.

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