Don’t Give Blake the Money, No No No!

Finally! For all of us who’ve been praying for Amy Winehouse to unload Blake Incarcerated, our prayers have been answered. Thank you, Lord, for saving our Amy from that rotten little scumbag, who now wants a divorce and half of her money.

I didn’t even know that Blake Incarcerated was back in jail after failing his drug test in December! What a horrible horrible shit that guy is. At least Pete Doherty is a musician, for Christ sake.

I blame Blake for everything. Poor Amy was under his spell, but now she’s learned that a nice clean hunky athlete is the way to go. According to the Daily Mail, which makes up its celebrity quotes, Amy even told a ‘reporter’ that Blake was “rubbish” in bed, “adding ‘Almost every time I slept with him it was like I was dead’.”

If only Blake could read, he’d be furious!!!

Now Amy can make another record, and her label can stop emailing me about all the extra special versions of Back to Black I can buy.

I love you, Amy! Don’t worry about that tattoo on your chest, you can have it removed. Keep up the eating and stay strong. As each day passes, you’re closer to realizing what self-esteem is.

And whatever happens, do NOT give that idiot your money, unless he promises to leave the planet and never come back.

*And also too, speaking of music, treat yourself to the genius of the Firstborn Wolf, whose song Omelette will make your day, or your money back!

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19 Responses to Don’t Give Blake the Money, No No No!

  1. Juri says:

    Oh, Amy…my silly, silly Amy.

    Of course, I’m happy she’s finally getting rid of Blake Intoxicated, and I do appreciate what the hunky beach guy and the hotel Santa Claus she had before him are doing for her. I’m not jealous at all. These boys are nothing but rebound- lovers and vacation flings as the love of her life is waiting for her in Copenhagen. I’m sure the passionate love letters and nude polaroids I’ve been sending her practically daily over the last two years help her not to forget that, even if the warm-up guys may manage to distract her temporarily. I blame it on the tropical heat and so do the beautifully photoshopped pictures of her and myself on the walls of our love nest, formerly known as my bedroom.

    She will be mine. Even if I’ll have to fly to St. Lucia myself to get the Baywatch guy ousted. One of these days you’ll see Amy dancing topless on her balcony again. This time it will be with a certain 40 y/o Scandinavian. They say she’s glowing now but they haven’t seen anything yet.

  2. David Duff says:

    “At least Pete Doherty is a musician”

    And for the second time in just a few days I am at a loss for words – yes, me, one of the greatest old bores, oops, I mean wordsmiths in the Blogosphere.

  3. Imelda Matt says:

    And maybe it’s time she bought herself a new pair of fucking shoes, coz if I see those ratty ballet flats one-more-time…I’ll make good on my threats and cut the bitches feet off!

  4. Imelda Matt says:

    ooh, btw the way made those threats back in Nov 07 when no one read my blog and I could trash talk celebrities. Now, it’s like bah! whatever!

  5. Stella Mayfair says:

    but haven’t i read somewhere (yes. er. i am addicted to stupidoid gossip and can’t live without dlisted) that amy is “looking forward to seeing her true love blake again”? argh! blaaaaake! bleh!

  6. May he continue to fail drug tests, the evil creep! Good riddance. Now if she’d just get back to making music.

  7. Ann says:

    Hope springs eternal for Amy, who has found temporary salvation in the vacation boy fling. His family, with whom he is vacationing (thank you dlisted – I too am addicted), must be so proud! I must emphasize that I wish for this tryst to be ONLY temporary, since all I want is for people to be happy and it would appear that being with Amy Winehouse would make our Juri very happy. I can hear it now: Amy wailing “JUUUUUURRRIII!” in the same fashion she used to yell “BLAAAAAAKE!”

    Also too, you weren’t kidding about Omelette. That is a great song – deadly serious. Beautiful melody, with a definite wistfulness in the lyrics, even the parody-filled first verse. Max’s voice is lovely and it never fails to warm my cold, cold heart to see someone sharing his or her art with the world. That song DID in fact make my day!

  8. Sal says:

    Sigh. Hope it sticks. That girl is addicted to all kinds of badness, and I’d bet that includes bad men.

  9. Den Deni says:

    “Also too, you weren’t kidding about Omelet. That is a great song – deadly serious. Beautiful melody, with a definite wistfulness in the lyrics, even the parody-filled first verse. Max’s voice is lovely and it never fails to warm my cold, cold heart to see someone sharing his or her art with the world. That song DID in fact make my day!”

    I couldn’t agree more!

    Now, Max go crack more eggs and make more Omelets!!!!

  10. honeypants says:

    OMG! Omelette is wonderful! It’s so funny and weird and catchy. I love it!!! You must be beaming 😀

    I haven’t been keeping up with Amy, but I thoroughly agree she needs to cut Blake off entirely.

  11. Blaaaaaaaaakeeeeee – he may curently be off the scene but I’m not sure he is out of her head and heart yet. There is only hope!

  12. Bex says:

    I’m hungry now. Just gonna go make an omelette!

  13. honeypants says:

    Found this on cracked.com just now and thought it appropriate: http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/dan/1-15-09/Tupper1.jpg

  14. Juri says:

    Um, Honeypants, you do realize you’re drawing flow charts on my future wife there, don’t you?

    I may have to go and beat up a bartender for that. Just to show that I can and to make our love seem more tragic.

  15. I just hope her beehive stays crazy and no straight boyf makes her comb it out.
    omelette is now totally stuck in my head! go max.

  16. Sister Wolf says:

    Juri -Ah, beautiful. If she reads this, she’s yours.

    David- Oh, please.

    Imelda -Who among us isn’t sick of those ballet shoes??

    Stella Mayfair – This is an update! Things change quickly in gossipland.

    Iheartfashion -Amen, sister.

    Ann – I love you so much it hurts.

    Sal -Let us pray for her.

    Deni – Yay for Max!

    Honeypants -Try the other songs, too! xo

    Make Do -The name Blake should be illegal.

    Bex -Not just a food but a way of life, Omelette!

    Honeypants – I’m hoping to learn how to make flowcharts! Stay tuned.

    Juri – Stay calm. Amy is yours and yours alone, godammit.

    fashion herald – Yes, we need the beehive, even if it’s a wig!

  17. Skye says:

    Oh, that Blake guy is terrible. Just terrible – I hope she really does get the hell over him.

    Pete Doherty is a disgustingly clammy looking individual, but I never got the sense he was hooked into Kate Moss like a bad influence/gravy train. So that’s something.

  18. kitty says:

    your son is a genius! i’ve been listening to his music all day! thanks!!!

  19. Kelly says:

    Have you seen herself when she was twenty, had natural boobs and wasn’t drunk off her rocker? Omg she was so beautiful back then! I don’t know how she met Blake but goddamn Amy you can do so much better.

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