Falling Off My Horse


Despite all my talk about being a samurai, I fell off my horse yesterday. It was bound to happen sometime, but it left me shaken and badly bruised.

Among my family troubles are Other family troubles. Things spun out of control, meaning I lost control. It really did feel like a damn bursting. All the careful containment of my grief and fear has allowed me to forget that I am a fucking wreck.

However! I picked myself up and got back on the horse. I got a ride to Chinatown, where Max has been transferred to a wonderful rehabilitation facility. Now he can learn to walk again and get ready to come home.

Everything about the new place is great, even the food. We are all still traumatized by the pretend “hospital,” which I can now divulge is a subsidiary of Kindred Healthcare, a corporation that made $4 billion in 2008. Why did they make $4 billion? Because their “hospitals” charge the insurance company $4,000 a day and then DON’T DO ANYTHING FOR THE PATIENT!

Ah well. I haven’t even begun with those fuckers. First things first. Here is Max having his dinner tonight and looking like Elvis. ¬† If you send him your blessings, I will pass them on.


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45 Responses to Falling Off My Horse

  1. Sharne says:

    My sincere blessings to Max, may his rehabilitation be speedy.

  2. Susan says:

    Blessings to Elvis lookalikes all over the world – and especially to Max – may he soon be up and walking and home again. As for your ‘Other’ troubles, virtual retail therapy can be a great distraction, but is probably just pushing things under the carpet. Meditation can be an excellent way of calming down when things get all too much… crying, screaming, punching pillows all good too. In the UK, we even have something called ‘equine therapy’. There are courses on ‘promoting mental wellbeing through interaction with horses’. Hmmm

  3. Kate says:

    Hospitals playing very expensive, wrathful God and putting people through quiet desperation is maybe one of the sickest and ugliest things under capitalism–besides. of course, Shopbop, which is like a do-nothing hospital for the sickly inflated overpriced creations of pathological designers. Goony Bird wanted to be a nurse, actually, but she thought she was too pretty, though in actuality was just too thin for bored, dying old men to pinch her bum, so they told her to get lost.

    No shame falling off your horse. Blessings to Max as he, you, and your family emerge from that nightmare into a hopefully much more functional reality of recovery. He’s the skinniest Elvis I’ve ever seen, so I hope the food really *is* good.

  4. Kate says:

    Oh, doh. When in Rome, don’t post with shitty grammar on the blog of a samurai. I mean, what if you cut me swiftly with your comma-shaped sword? Sorry for the crap punctuation above. Talking about inflated hospital charges makes me think of all the commas and decimals I owe for weird emergency room stays. One giant run-on.

  5. David Duff says:

    So Elvis does live! He’s in a hospital in California having under-gone an amazing new rejuvenation operation. What a pity we can’t quite see his blue suede shoes in the picture. Wish him well from me.

    You describe exactly and precisely what is wrong with America’s current and soon-to-be health service – the disconection between provider and customer. The insurance companies now, and the government soon, have taken *your* place and so the provider doesn’t give a shit what you think, their aim is to please *their* new customer. Just imagine if instead of doing your own shopping an insurance company or the government did it for you. I can only warn you that of the two worst alternatives, the insurance companies are a marginally better bet than the government. Don’t believe me? Wait and see!

  6. sarah.p says:

    Oh sister, the thought of you falling off the horse is too much to stand. Mind that fucker’s hooves. If it tosses you again, we’ll kill it and boil down the carcass for glue.

    Blessings to Max, and praises to all that’s good and holy and precious that he’s now receiving some care. I’m glad you’ve named and shamed the ‘hospital’ … you’ll be sick of hearing it by now, but to British ears the whole thing is a scandal almost beyond understanding.

    Love and blessings to you too. A short flip-out probably did you good long term. Better the volcano erupts a little now and then, instead of lying dormant a hundred years than flattening everything in its path!

    (I bet even your lava is sexy).


  7. Dru says:

    Here’s wishing Max a speedy rehab, Sister, and also a MUCH less stressful time for you and your family (going by your experience of hospitals before this).

  8. arline says:

    I am so happy that Max is FINALLY getting the care he needs and deserves.

    You have a strong voice, and I hope to hell, you get something done about that horrible place he was not being helped at.


    Keep getting on that horse, but remember that it is healthy to fall off and fall apart sometimes.

  9. omggmab says:

    Sister, may you feel relieved of your pent up frustration and anger! Falling off the horse sometimes is necessary to move on to a better place. I wish for Max the healing hands of a kind caretaker in his new rehab home! May he be blessed with all things good and strength so his body heals quickly! Good karma to your entire family!

  10. TobiLynne says:

    Sending Max and his AWESOME hair positive vibes!

    I’m seriously pissed at everything and everyone for making you feel like you’re “falling off” your horse … I will wear some sweet red lipstick all day (while I work in my PJs from home) to show my support.

  11. honeypants says:

    Hooray for Chinatown and Elvis hair and good food! And my best to Max who will be skipping around before you know it!

  12. DG says:

    Very glad to hear that Max is in a better place and eating good food. I wish him a speedy recovery!

  13. I’ve fallen off my horse this week too Sister. We should talk.
    As for Max: you’re looking gorgeous and I can’t wait to hear that you are walking again. So glad you’re out of that hellhole. Good hospital food? Consider yourself lucky!

  14. Sil says:

    Best wishes for both from Spain. From my own experience, I can say that all this stuff has an end. My mother was in a similar situation four years ago after a van knocked her down, and she was not able to walk for some months (broken hip, and that was not the worse injury she had). Takes time, but mummy is working and fit again.
    This was only to tell you that I can imagine what you are going through, but soon you will have your son back home messing around.



  15. K-Line says:

    Max: You look FANTASTIC! Continue to get well. Everyone’s rooting for you.

    And Sister: You are a tower of strength. Anyone would have her moments under these circumstances. Hell, I’m sure I’d be losing it left right and centre. You really are doing a wonderful job.

  16. jools says:

    Best wishes from the San Fernando Valley! Max, may your recovery be swift and sure. All my love…

  17. Ann says:

    Giant shout-out from central Florida to you, Max and the entire Wolf clan near and far. Max’s raven locks look delightful and I send nothing but love and positivity to you both.

    Curses to that POS “hospital,” and cheers for being in a real place of care and service. Let’s get some meat on that boy’s bones and get him up and walking as soon as possible.

    I love you very much. I’m sorry you fell off your horse but am not in the least bit surprised you got right back up again. Keep going, SW. We are all alongside you!

  18. Deni says:

    Sister Wolf, get up on your horse again; I have faith that a fall will only make you stronger, more determined, and eventually an expert horse(wo)man! With what little I know of your woes you are a heroic figure not unlike Odysseus who must travel to the underworld to make it home again. And home he makes it! Persevere Heroine Wolf and you too will make it through with you and your family in good health and good spirits.

    I send many blessings of health (quick and full recovery) and happiness (creativity, long and loving relationships with family, friends, and that special femme) to Max. I’m happy for him to be out of that money pit of a warehouse of bodies and souls. I can’t believe they charged $4000 per day for warehousing humans. That is a crime. My five day stay in ICU at Cedars was about $5000 per day (not including all the doctors that came in to exam the odd case of me and the undiagnosed superbug I had contracted – (and the irony is I’m the healthnut, vegetarian, ph balanced, superfood, vitamin and herb taker that succumbed in hours to some virulent bug that could not be diagnosed . . . I swear it’s irony that makes the world go round) I was isolated in the same ward with all the swine flu patients). I don’t wish disease, ill ease, trauma on anyone!

    Health and happiness to all!

    Ride on Sister Wolf!

  19. Aja says:

    He does look like Elvis (before the giant weight gain). Send him my love.

  20. Alicia says:

    Hugs and lots of love to the both of you.

    Don’t feel obligated to cage the beast that is grief. You have to let it out, man. One way or the other.

  21. Tara says:

    Sending love and hope. Thinking of you all. xoxox ps- Max looks amazing.

  22. Mark says:

    So happy and relieved that Max is doing well and in a good rehab center. I’m also happy and relieved he looks like Elvis.

    You? How’s your hip doing? When you write of falling off your horse, I’m not sure I understand the metaphorical distance. Did you topple while using your walker? Or are you describing an emotional fall from your horse? Whatever the case, I hope your hip and mind are doing well so next time I’m in LA we can go jean shopping–though, I’m trying to dress like a more mature homeless preppy, which means seersucker and madras.

  23. alittlelux says:

    I am so happy that Max is getting better! You are a ferocious warrior samurai wolf momma. Sending love your way!

  24. Massive big shout out of good wishes and much love to you and Max.

    Don’t worry about a freak out – they are essential for samurai warriors in lieu of post battle fatigue averted by massage and being waited on hand and foot.

    Next time put this t-shirt on instead – no one will come near you and you will laugh before you explode


  25. Queen Marie says:

    Love and blessings to Max, his quality Quiff and to your own darling self.

    Queen Marie

  26. erika says:

    Good to see him getting better. He’s too young for these troubles but young enough to get 100% back to healthy. He’s lucky too have a mom who looks out for him.
    Take care of yourself too. Cut yourself slack too, it’s fine we all fall apart. It’s how we put ourselves back together that counts.

  27. Bevitron says:

    He looks wonderful. And he doesn’t have sick person’s hair — he has vital hair! In my criteria of signs indicating a person truly on the mend, the hair thing is crucial! I am so glad to hear he’s being taken care of now in a real place that understands what taking care of humans means. The best possible blessings to him, and you.

    Yeah, when your brains (and your heart — the one you feel with, not the busy, gooey thumping one) are under that kind of stress, eventually something’s got to go kablooey. But wreck? And especially, fucking wreck? I don’t believe it. You wouldn’t be able to put two words together. Disjointed, jangled, temporarily scrambled, but not totaled. (Are there two l’s in that?) I believe in you.

  28. daniel says:

    Glad to see and hear that Max is coming along….he’s lucky to have such a cool crazy-bitch mother by his side to pull him through….best wishes to both of you and your surrounding family during these trying times….and yes the American hospital and insurance system sucks major black dick….hope that fat laughing Buddha looking bastards choke on their own saliva…

  29. Suebob says:

    Of course much love to Max.

    And as far as the hospital people go…what are they thinking? Oh, hey, isn’t this great, we can get $4k a day to feed people crap, ignore them and let them get bedsores? I mean, WHAT?? It boggles the mind.

  30. Queen Michelle says:

    Yay for Max! I’m sending him, his amazing hair, and of course you, warmest wishes and happy thoughts and hopefully things will start looking up now. xxx

  31. Dollybird says:

    Best wishes to both Max and yourself Sister , am glad to see he is finally ina place of healing. You keep getting back up on that horse because that’s what we warriors do , keep on trucking.
    Love from Antoinette , Dublin City

  32. Dru says:

    Sister- Max is bound to get better soon! Not just because you and I and lots of other people hope so, but because Wolves are fantastic and raising children who survive hair-raising circumstances (thinking of Mowgli and Princess Mononoke here).

    Also, if you fell off your horse it’s not wrong to take a moment and acknowledge that your bones might hurt. Holding it together is a tough job, and I admire you for doing it or even trying.

  33. sonja says:

    He looks gorgeous. Blessings, blessings, and more blessings…

  34. best wishes Max! and a speedy recovery!

    and best wishes to you too Sister Wolf.

  35. marmalade wombat says:

    you are all such strong people. i feel nothing but awe at the way you are able to weather all this shit life had thrown in your way. blessings to you plural and keep on holding on.

  36. Angie says:

    Your son is an absolute doll in that picture!
    And my age, alas I married my true love a year ago.

    I’ve been following your/his story & didn’t have the words to comfort.
    I’m happy now your futures look bright again.

    Mwah for your blog!

  37. Juri says:

    Thank goodness he’s out of that “hospital”. And it’s great to see he’s getting better and making progress. It’s better to be an Elvis than a rugged Christ, and soon he’ll be himself again. Here’s to a smooth recovery.

  38. hammie says:

    Hmmm,. jealous teenager anyone? Doesn’t matter how much you are needed by one, the others will punish you for “ignoring” them. We evolved that way.

    Sorry you are getting pecked by your other chick, but the one in the new re-hab centre looks great. Well done Mother hen! xx

  39. WendyB says:

    Can’t blame you for bursting after all that you’ve been dealing with. Max looks great.

  40. marmalde wombat says:

    yahh! btw i know you’ve all been through so much, so it seems inappropriate to say that he’s … really really good looking. teheh. you have great genes sister wolf.

  41. Susan says:

    Sending love and blessings to you, Max, for a swift and complete recovery. You’re been thru one hell of an ordeal.

  42. angela says:

    I am sending millions of hugs and good thoughts to you Max- you’re one hell of a champion.

  43. Imelda Matt says:

    Grind that saddle sista! Max looks fighting fit and I wish him (and you) all the best…I must admit I’m a little jealous of his glorious head of hair!

  44. inj says:

    i think elvis blesses you too….(and so do I if they count)

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