Mrs. Palin’s tour bus arrives at Grand Rapids, MI, for her first book-signing appearance. Enlarge the picture to enjoy its full impact.
Finish this sentence:
“I’m carrying Trig because ——————————————.”
Again, I am offering the Dead Sweater to the winner. It is size small. (Honeypants won it in the Guess Which Shopbop Girl contest, but since she is busty, she gets some fabulous vintage jewelry from the Sister Wolf’s Hoarded Fashion Collection )
This is the prize:
because…I want Jill to win the sweater…she’ll leave it open so her bosom can breathe.
I’m carrying Trig because I’m battin’ rogue and need all the protection I can get.
Whadda ya mean you’d still think I’m a cunt with a downs child
…because I am trying to hide my headlights. It’s so cold!
…because I farted and people need a shield.
…because I am a total media whore.
Downs [baby] is the new Black [baby]!
(not that I’m angling to re-win the same sweater or anything 🙂
Because I’m a fashion goddess and his pants match my jacket in an Alaska kinda way
due to his disability he’s the only child I’ve got that doesn’t breed like a rabbit.
Okay I admit I’ve been drinking red wine and MR MDS is sat snoring in the chair opposite – admit it my Sat night rocks!
between the two of us, at least one can be forgiven for being ignorant….
Because I paid a lot of money for this kid, goddamit. He was my meal ticket to the Whitehouse and look where I am now – signin’ some bullshit book for people too stupid to realize it’s all about my fame and my fortune. You betcha’!
…my jacket may open and people will know I’m really a Fembot. MUST.TRY.TO.APPEAR.HUMAN.
because i executed his nanny and we haven’t replaced her yet.
because todd gets tired of being outsmarted.
because bristol is having withdrawal-related hallucinations and she keeps trying to inject him into her veins.
because he can’t carry himself, by golly.
because people like comparing our vacant expressions.
because he is secretly a mass murder war-beast and i must restrain him at all times, for the children’s safety.
if i win this sweater, i’m going to give it to my girlfriend. just letting you know in case you decide i can’t win because i would ruin it and look ridiculous in the bargain! it’s not for me.
Im’ carryin Trig cause I need to prove to you guys that I am a devoted mom ;), where’s Bristol?
I’m carrying Trig because if someone asks me a difficult question, I can pretend to be tending to him.
…I want my eyes to look more focused by comparison!
(sorry, palin, it didn’t work)
It seriously looks like she is modeling his facial expression, the way that newborn babies do. Why?! Is it involuntary or is she trying to be “cute”? God, she is an idiot.
Because it is a perfect excuse for not having to interact with “real Americans”, and sign their copies of this Great Book of Mine.
Also too, Trigg is a great human shield against booing and other criticism.
I’m a mom, and a darn good one at that. And a Christian. How can anyone be so cruel as to criticize a Christian special needs mom? Those lonely shallow people who criticize me need our prayers.
May God help them understand that just because you show up at a book-signing show where you buy a book and a wristband, along with a promise of having me sign it for ya, doesn’t mean that I’ll have to deliver on that promise. Once your credit card has been charged the backlights of my bus say “so long, suckers, nice doin’ business with y’all. This hockey mom is heading home to Todd, that great husband of hers, to check if he still looks good enough shirtless to stay married to.”
Heck, I’m a maverick. I can walk away from all my promises and obligations if I want to. All I need is a bunch of others to blame. I win by quitting and honour my promises by breaking them. And I reward my team mates and partners with backstabbing and slander.
But most of all, I’m a mom of five. Now say hello to my little boo-shield.
..cause she needs to look smarter than somebody.. by golly..
…Because none of those dirty un-American terrorist-sympathizers would DARE throw a pie at me while I’m carrying a special needs baby. Hey, maybe I should tell Ann Coulter to get a baby prop, then people might stop saying she’s really a man….nah.
…. cause he has my other brain cell.
…I believe the children are our fyoo-chures. They will carry our keesters when we’re old like Michelle Obama, and if they’re ugly like Rumer Willis, trans like Chastity Bono, or developmentally disabled with names that represent things they can’t do like this little guy here, then even Joe Sixpack can have Franzia box-wine levels of self-confidence in comparison!
The future sure is bleak and all, but won’t our kids be nostalgic for our good hair and square glasses? You know, like the shooow Mad Men? How’s aboot Glad Women–glad to be Americans! And on that nooote I’d love to put in a cammi-oooh on Desperate Housewives!
…godammit, he’s mine and not that whore daughter’s of mine, for the last fucking time.
…I have a curry stain on my jacket. Also, if someone asks me a difficult question I can squeeze him and he will cry.
he’s in training as a prop for my next gig as a televangelist.
Because if I hold him up high enough, he can see Russia from here!
who’s carrying Palin?
I’m carrying Trig because he’s my stylist, and financial adviser.
I’m carrying Trig because I’m not all the way off the bus yet. Mom? Here ya go!
because I’m teaching him how to v-smile like a horrendous mannequin for future grand entrances/exits from buses