Finally, the Cunt Ring!


I wasn’t even looking for it, and boom, there it was! Only $31, too.

All the stuff at The Alley Chicago reminds me of the gnarlitude girl, who never tires of saying, “Fuckin RAD!” or “Look at my old man, fuck yeah!” I’m sure that in real life, she’s a very nice girl who doesn’t really love “opiates” even though she cites them in her category “What I’m Into.”

I came across the cunt ring while searching for stuff by Ineke Otte, a Dutch designer whose hideous jewelry is currently featured at ShopCurious. Their merchandise is usually pretentious and overpriced, but normally it’s at least aesthetically pleasing. Here is Ineke Otte’s rat necklace:


WHY, ShopCurious?!? This is just crap! You can’t fool me by saying it’s an “avant garde piece.”

Obviously, I receive too many news letters from too many shopping sites. I don’t have the time or the will to look at most of them, but they are useful for reminding me of how shallow I used to be. Not that I’ve stopped being shallow, but I don’t pursue it any more. Now when I get dressed, I can honestly say that the shoes I wear are which ever ones my husband brings me when I whine, “Can you put on my shoes?”

The broken hip is a constant nuisance. I am really, really sick of it. But it has given me more compassion for my son, who is still learning to sit up in bed.

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30 Responses to Finally, the Cunt Ring!

  1. Sister Wolf says:

    alittlelux – Oh god, I think Queen Michelle once featured this douche. Hate him, big time.

  2. Juri says:

    Those “rats” look like radioactive sperm.

  3. Stella Mayfair says:

    the cunt ring made me smile. did you buy it?
    and please take a look at regretsy ( you will find incredibly disgusting pseudo jewelry, and a lot of weird cuntsy stuff.

    yes, i hope to cheer you up a little, sister!

  4. arline says:

    I hope you got the cunt ring.

    The rat necklace is ugly and stupid.

  5. I was all set to send you the link to this ring, but I should have known you’d find it first! How perfect! (Although my husband and have taken to calling each other “cunfs” after that hilarious scene in “Rescue Me”.) I hope both you and your son are better each day and no more drama with that hideous non-hospital!

  6. meredith says:

    def like the concept of this womans jewelry, but yeah….too much money. you can go to the craft store and pick out plastic creatures and string them up yourself. there is no hard skill to this jewelry.

    i hope you and your son have better days from now on.

  7. Ann says:

    I am 100% with Juri. I thought the rats were sperm until I read the description. That necklace is a lot of things, but avant garde is not one of them. The cunt ring, however, is epic. I know you have declared a moratorium on shopping, but really, I think that piece is a must for your collection.

    Glad to hear Max continues to improve, and I hope the same is true for you. Much love to all of you.

  8. Bevitron says:

    Boy, it is SO good to hear you sounding like your old self, SisWo — I mean, the old self that I’m familiar with, at least, since I haven’t been hanging around here long enough to write with total authority on any of your selves, but I have to say, I have been worried…

    Anyway, yes, the cunt ring. Okay, I guess. I have always wanted a ring that says “Titty” (finger ring; not actual titty ring) just because I really like the word titty, although I suppose with too much exposure it could become cloying. As pure statement, though, I think it’s hard to beat “Titty.”

    Hope your son is way better, or on the way, and your fucking hip — god it’s terrible when any of those parts involving locomotion get maced up. Get those bones back together.


  9. Lauren says:

    Love the ring–hate the hip, heal quickly Sister!

  10. Susan says:

    Hi there and thanks for the entertaining blog. Just goes to show that everyone’s taste is different. That ring makes me wonder what would you like to be remembered for? xx

  11. dust says:

    Ring is good.
    You didn’t by any chance engraved CUNT in your new titanium hip?
    That would be funny…

  12. Alicia says:

    I thought those were seaweed. Rats are even more disturbing.

    YAY for Max making progress. What is the prognosis on your hip healing?

  13. Elena says:

    I like to call that Gnarlitude Speak, and I’m guessing she is where all the fashion blogs are getting this really dumb slang that they all use without realizing they sound really horrible? With her it seems genuine, but all of the other bloggers who decided to start saying “NO BIG DEAL” or “THIS IS KILLING IT” while sprinkling rads throughout their entries are getting on my nerves. I think it’s time for someone else to come along and introduce some new seemingly innocuous phrases for them to latch onto and make horrible. Maybe something from the 70s.

  14. kansas says:

    can i make you rice krispie treats? they’re FUCKIN’ RAD!

  15. Iron Chic says:

    Death to “killing it” and expensive “punk rock” clothing.

  16. Sarah.p says:

    I opened this post while staying at my parents’ place, on my dad’s computer. My parents are members of an extremely devout chapel stuck in the sixteenth century and my dad is a preacher. i think it might ACTUALLY have been the greatest moment of my life so far.

  17. hammie says:

    I thought it was a sperm necklace too. Worried about you every single day. xx

  18. Bex says:

    Hahaha The Alley….they do have a decent selection of slip ons…

  19. TheShoeGirl says:

    The rats look like they might glow in the dark. That would be neat.

  20. Moda says:

    Sarah.p, I delight in your joy! Sister Wolf, you must get the cunt ring. I’m still sending out the best vibes I can to you & Max. The rat necklace? So crap.

  21. ellen says:

    dude, don’t hate the player, HATE THE GAME. opiates feel so good. im sure you don’t hate on people who drink booze, and yet look at all the damage alcohol causes to peoples lives. on one hand you are ‘taking up bandwidth’ as you call it, with your endless bitter pap, yet you encourage (nay, harrass) people you don’t even know to ‘look at themselves’ and accuse them of being unhappy and damaged. I think in the case of bloggers who don’t walk their own talk, they SHOULD censor THEMSELVES, so we don’t have to constantly roll our eyes at their bullshit, denial or not.

  22. ellen says:

    if i were you, i’d wait for the ring that says ‘stupid cunt’.

  23. kansas says:

    whoa! that was outta left field. someone’s a sensitive susan today.

  24. Sommar says:

    I really hope you both are better soon!

  25. Totally rad whistleblower says:

    Jen proclaims herself to still be a bona fide fan of opiates in real life and seems proud as hell. She also recounts incidents on the blog from her time as an addict with the kind of misplaced romance last seen in a Tom Waits song.

  26. hammie says:

    Sarah.p. Go back over there and make this his screen saver. Go on go on go on go on!

  27. Mike says:

    Anyone know where I can buy the ‘cunt’ ring? I’m a cunt and I wish everyone to know.

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