First We Kill All The

One day last week, I had the clever idea of paraphrasing Shakespeare with a post called “First we kill  all the something,”  But now I’ve forgotten what the Something was.

You’d think if I really hated it, I would remember it but you wouldn’t be factoring in my severe memory problems. I’m hoping someone can remind me what the Something is, and presumably it is a group.

Going through my brain’s rolodex of hated things, I have already ruled out:

Christian fundamentalists
Fashion bloggers
The members of Cream
The members of Steely Dan
People who say “Everything happens for a reason”
Child molesters
TV chefs

Godammit, what am I leaving out? This is really bothering me! Please help, if you can.


*(My husband just responded to my question with “It’s too big a category for you.”)

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43 Responses to First We Kill All The

  1. Cristine says:


  2. MizLottie says:

    Fundamentalists of every stripe.

  3. ‘The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.’ It’s from Henry VI part 2. Sounds so peculiarly modern.

    If I can say so without sounding too cheesy: I love your blog. Thank you for it.

  4. Audi says:

    Scientologists? Holocaust deniers? Banking executives?

  5. Sister Wolf says:

    okay, let’s rule out lawyers, I KNOW THAT QUOTE godammit.

  6. Sister Wolf says:

    Audi – I like that you’re working here, keep going!

  7. Sister Wolf says:

    Sorry for yelling.

  8. Deni says:

    The 24/7 shows that just sell thneeds? Infomercials. Reality shows (did someone post this already?), it’s okay, they need to be killed more than once to die. I’m really sick of violence. Can we kill it off? Blow it up? Virtual or real. I want an end to it. War, end! The violence called poverty, end!

  9. Suspended says:

    People who wear wet-look leggings? (especially the ones who wear them with Ugg boots. Kill all Ugg boot wearers too.)

    Morbidly obese people who use bed sheets as a form of lingerie?

    Politicians? Insurance brokers? Kardashians? Housewives of…? Ronald McDonalds?

    I think I agree with your husband….much too big!

  10. So sorry; idiotically misunderstood. You did not want the exact quote at all. It’s my pedant’s brain, on overdrive at the moment.

  11. Dexter VanDango says:

    Kill the idiots who name Hurricanes!

    Imagine having to tell people, “My family were all killed by Hurricane Debby(!)”

  12. HelOnWheels says:

    The rich? Oh, no, wait. It’s EAT the rich.

    Rapists? Most of Congress? Justice Scalia? People who say “I’ll pray for you” to those that don’t share their beliefs? Executives of private “security” (mercenary) firms like Blackwater?

  13. helen says:

    people who parrot “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

  14. Debra says:

    If you new me Dexter you would know that that is entirely possible.

    How about people who run into your 1986 volvo sedan with their damn Prius, while they are texting, emailing, or talking on the phone and total your car and you have no money to replace it?

  15. David Duff says:

    Let’s kill all the people who don’t think I’m so, so, right to play the part of ‘Jack Reacher’ instead of that midget!

  16. dust says:

    I agree, let’s kill them all. It a gray rainy day, boyfriend is far away, my thought are convoluted in thinking of HOW?

  17. Dexter VanDango says:

    Speaking of Judge Dread – the unctuous Scalia… I like Stephen Colbert’s description of him: “Four raccoons in a black garbage bag.”

  18. Bevitron says:

    Everyone doing the gibbering schizophrenic walk (that part is actually still amusing to me) speaking AT HIGH HIIIIGH VOLUME into their fucking phones. Christ, you’d think they were yelling at Ernestine to connect them to the General Store on an ancient wooden hand-crank wall telephone.

    Next, of course, is kill all the old farts.

  19. hammiesays says:

    The only people I would kill are the child molesters including those who download child porn. And only if they would let me kick the shit out of them first.

  20. hammiesays says:

    @Bevitron – I object to that on the basis that I only just heard of a No 1 in Australia, USA, UK song that was in the charts for 6 months > therefore am actual old fart.

  21. Actresses and models who insist their life is ‘not that glamorous’ – that’s a big ‘get fucked’ to you people!
    People who are dim-witted and talentless, yet nevertheless up to their eye balls in fame and fortune (too many to mention).

  22. Bevitron says:

    (I’m probably an even older fart, actually. I was doing the warding-off reverse thingy, i.e., bring it on, meaning, please don’t.)

  23. annemarie says:

    People who say “I’m blessed.”

  24. victoria says:

    People who say “Everything happens for a reason”. Thats it thats all. Everybody else can live. Please invoke as soon as possible. Truth.

  25. Dee says:


  26. Debbie says:

    Yup. It’s lawyers. And I agree. I say this because I have experience. I have worked for those arrogant little shits most of my life … and they must be DESTROYED.


  27. esther says:

    rude,unpolite snobby customers who think they can do what they please in a shop!!! guess what ; people who work in a shop are almost “real”people with a family and feelings…

  28. Darque says:

    “Life coaches.” And (maybe) the people who go to them.

  29. patni says:

    I fell asleep last night thinking about this. My first thought was the conclusion of Lady Divine in Pink Flamingos. Kill Every One Now. But that still leaves the question of Who goes first unanswered. There are so many options. Clearly fashion bloggers ans Steely Dan need to go up against the wall. Most sit com writers belong in that long long line.

    I work in retail, so any one who does not say please or thank you should be up at the top. Along with stupid needy women who can’t tell me what they want, but tell their boyfriend so he can tell me. Also women who talk to soft to hear because some one told them it was ‘hot”.

    All those politicians that want to control my vagina.

    Drivers who open the door with out checking for cyclists.

    Men who stare at my boobs
    Men who do not stare at my boobs.

    fuck. I am with Divine. Condone First degree murder advocate canibalism.

    I am fucking tired of the human race. The child molesting kitten kicking women beating employee harassing greedy hateful motherfucking lot of them.

    Except me of course.

  30. patni says:

    Its all good people need to go, and to me the worse is those ass holes who manifest your own shit. They say this because they were not born in Darfur. Smugness in general.
    As Divine said again in Pink Flamingos. The punishment for Assholism is death.
    Divine for pres.

  31. patni says:

    damn. i posted that with out checking it. what I meant to say was, that people who say they manifest their own (always good) fortune say this because they were not born in Darfur, and i nominate them for a spot at the top of the line.
    Smugness is another crime.

    In Pink Flamingos, Divine said, the punishment for Assholeism is death. We need laws like this.

  32. Kristin says:

    You wanted to kill the people who say, “it is what it is.”

  33. Sister Wolf says:

    Kristin – I do indeed want to kill them. But I’m starting to think it was maybe “rich people” I wanted to kill. Do you think that was it??

  34. Well, I came here to tell you it’s “lawyers” but I see everyone else has beaten me to it.
    However, it’s fun to insert other words, isn’t it? Stupid people, pedophiles, assholes…Oh, the list goes ON!

  35. Jane says:

    As someone who has had cancer I did get pretty over the ‘I’ll pray for you’ but much much worse are the smug people convinced their good health is due to their own breathtakingly clever diet \ mindset \ meditation \ genes.

    As a lawyer I am sad about the lawyer hate above. But I understand there are indeed way too many of them in the US. And also, lawyer interaction is often at a crap time in one’s life (being sued, getting divorced).

    Anyway, My pick is Banking Executives. Specially my banking friends who say ‘it wasn’t me it was them’.

  36. Rosie says:

    Did you figure out who you wanted to cull?

    I’ll add: ex-husbands, town gossips, sanctimonious yet highly judgemental religious types, stalkers, boy bands (One Direction, anyone?), warmongers and racists.

    And Jewish people (kidding! I meant Evangelists.)

  37. Alicia says:

    Dudeguy has been going on rants about killing all the rich people, so maybe it was that.

  38. Marla says:

    Yes, the people who say “it is what it is” . Also, people who say “space” for room, “property” for house, “cabinetry” for cupboards, “signage” for signs and pretentious people of all strips.

  39. Jan says:

    John Mayer

  40. Mo says:

    Animal abusers. (They must suffer first.)

    People who say “price point” and “utilize”.

    Arrogant assholes in “BEAMERS”.

  41. Monica says:

    Real Housewives of New Jersey.

  42. Dj says:

    A few…Spot on. Awesome. Guys in huge monster trucks on my lovely country road. The Lord has a plan. Curated by. Who are you wearing?

  43. Cole says:

    Religious people.

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