Let’s Do the Math

Admit that these shoes are perfect for me. They’re flat, they’re pointy, they’re an impractical color. They are screaming my name.

Plus, they’re on sale, reduced from $850 to $340! I would be saving $510!

But I know it’s wrong to spend $340 on shoes I don’t need. I never go anywhere and I have plenty of shoes. Not that these details have stopped me in the past.

I really want to get out my credit card but I also want to be a virtuous person instead of a greedy nitwit who curates stupid shoes. I’m trying to think of other things that $340 could buy. I could get a half-vial of Radiesse to plump up my face like a chipmunk, or half a chipmunk.

I could feed 5000 starving families in Africa. I could get a pair of eyeglasses that don’t leave a deep indentation on the bridge of my nose. I could pay my Nordstrom bill.

What better things could I do with $340? Please help me. I feel like a werewolf on a full moon.

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33 Responses to Let’s Do the Math

  1. Hammie says:

    Half an iPad? The front half of course.

  2. David Duff says:

    Buy the damn shoes, for God’s sake, they are the only attractive, elegant and sensible shoes I have ever seen on this site!

    Er, but don’t wear them with that ghastly mauve handbag!

  3. Jenny says:

    I feel your pain sister.

  4. danielle says:

    I want those shoes.

  5. any of those things….but get the shoes anyway. the way i see it, if the shoes will make you happiest then THAT is what you need to spend it on.

    but the purchase can’t come with any guilt or you’re an asshole.

    and no one wants to be an asshole.

  6. dust says:

    hmmm, what to do with $340 that you don’t have?…..strange, i don’t have exactly the same amount!
    Just think what you could do with $510 that sale saved you!

  7. Romeo says:

    Hey, maybe you just need new bumpers on those glasses. It cost me about ten dollars to replace the missing bumpers on my glasses, then my dogs ate the glasses, then I had to get new glasses.

  8. Debbie says:

    You could help an underprivileged, middled-aged Mexican-American lady get some Botox.



  9. Suspended says:

    They are lovely but DON’T DO IT!

    You don’t need another bill that makes everyday less pleasurable. The happiness gained from these will be fleeting. I’m at a point were I’ve had enough of ‘curating.’ This is probably apparent. I have wardrobes filled with weak moments of everlasting love and desire. For the most part, these objects ‘curate’ dust and life gets a little harder. You pay for that rush of pleasure, quite possibly, with a little piece of your soul. I desperately need to move house but I’m paralysed by volume, my volume of stupidity.

    There are things in life that I’m good at but having an organised and cautious…well, anything, hasn’t been a success of mine. I make this decision for you because I’d never be able to make it for myself. Let them go. You’ll find a brighter than fuchsia future.

    Buy the Radiesse, your face will be forced to keep smiling when the rest of you can’t find the will.

    Haha, sorry, I’m in far too serious a mood this evening. I hate having to make decisions between great fashion and debt. I used to have a ton of debt but managed to get rid of it. It was liberating. Now I find myself slowly creeping back to those dreadful days; and this time, not because of my vain desires but because of a bastard insurance company.

    Oh fuckit! Please, buy the damn shoes and trample me to death in them. They’d look great with a splash of deep red. xx

  10. Sister Wolf says:

    You fuckers are a bunch of enablers! I AM BUYING THE GOD DAMN SHOES DAMN YOU! Because I need the $510.

  11. patni says:

    if you bought them in a size 8 and a half you could decide you hate them and give them to me. THen it would be charity and you would feel good inside.
    THey are really really cute. And not heels, and for me at least, hot pink is pretty much a neutral. And also… if you save that $510 you could do so much with it.

  12. Sister Wolf says:

    patni – I’m really exited about the $510. I could almost get the whole vial of Radiesse!

  13. David Duff says:

    Thank God for that – I could hardly sleep last night worrying about it.

  14. Stephanie says:

    I want them too!
    They are perfect.

  15. kate says:

    i only spend around $300 for shoes. it means i don’t have a lot of shoes, but i’m the girl with good shoes. those shoes will make you the girl with good shoes, too. i’ll bet even MEN will compliment you on those.

  16. Kellie says:

    $510.00 will go a long way towards a fabulous purse too!!!!


  17. Deni says:

    Who made them . . . where were they made? How much were the workers paid? Under what conditions did they construct the shoes? I need to know the real cost of the shoes. Who gets the 99% of the profit?
    I’m a disabler. I want to disable all the shit that goes on in the world.
    Things never make anyone happy. People make people happy. Things are transient, but weighty like an anchor around your neck.
    Stick to thrift shops, discount stores, second hand stores, and friend swaps. Don’t buy into buying just for the sake of buying.
    Fuck the shoes sister.
    P.S. I love you!

  18. candy says:

    People that read your blog love you Sister thats what counts, but I understand you and those shoes would look good on you Sister. You could also go to a salon for that same amount I guess and have a massage,pedicure, manicure…etc..I never did this but I heard it helps

  19. candy says:

    I have to say you always pick an item that is really you! It makes it hard to resist! I imagine those shoes with the gold pants you had once,remember?

  20. Rosie says:

    Those shoes look like they are made from psychedelic wallpaper. Please spend the other $510 on clashing prints and wear them all at once in a startling display of aesthetic disharmony. And add the words ‘jarring’, ‘electric blue’ and ‘sensual’ somewhere fitting within the previous two sentences.

  21. regularstarfish says:

    Alright. I totally think (in my logical head) that you should skip the shoes. But they are so fucking great that you MUST buy them. If you already owe a ton of money, what’s another $300-something? Shit, don’t listen to me. I suck at money. They’re beautiful.

  22. Andra says:

    I recently bought 3 (count ’em – THREE) pairs of espadrille type shoes, red, black and white, for a total of $ 15.00 Aust.
    They are terrific and I wear them all the time.
    You’re simply not buying right!~!

  23. Dexter VanDango says:

    Save you money and buy your husband an even better birthday present next year. He’ll undoubtedly appreciate it.. and deserve it?

  24. Ann says:

    Sister! Have you lost your mind? Those shoes were made for you. You obviously need to get them. Sorry, I’m of no use to you here.

  25. Lisa says:


    But really don’t do it.

    But if you do, I want pictures.

  26. Cricket9 says:

    I’m with Deni and Andra on the shoes. Yes, the are great. Yes, I’d like to have them too.
    You’ll feel good about having them for about 15 minutes – 3 hours if you are lucky. Sorry to be a party-pooper.

  27. conceptuelle says:

    are those dem kicks the olsens have been wearing lately?
    anyways, $340 isn’t absurdly bad! and they’re on sale!

    but i just dropped $120 on some citizens jeans that were marked down and then went out the next day and spend $70 on a slip that i plan on wearing as a top marked down from $200. so i’m probably just trying to make the case to MYSELF more than you…

    but seriously, fuck the face needles, i can only hope to look as beautiful as you are NOW when i reach 40!!! and fuck the Nordstrom bill too, online shopping was created for emergency states of denial!

  28. Witch Moma says:

    I’ve been away for a couple of days & I tune in and see THOSE SHOES. I just love them. I’ll buy them with you.

  29. Marky says:

    Here’s what I’ve been doing to assuage buyer’s remorse/guilt. Buy them, then sell shit on eBay ’til you make up the cost.

    I’ve known you for over ten years, and I can honestly say that these shoes were custom made for you. It’s as if you spent hours on the phone with the designer.

  30. Sister Wolf says:

    88888 – Oh god, you nearly made me buy the blue ones! Luckily they sold out and I got over the whole thing, but it was a very close call.

  31. Harmreduction says:

    I bought them.

    I love them.

    I wear them at least 2x weekly.

    Money well spent a cost per wear breakdown.

    Thanks for your endorsement of my good taste!

  32. Odile Lee says:

    Do this;
    Buy a glue gun and some fabric. Or cut up some cushions.
    Glue the fabric on the shoes you’ve scuffed too much , so you don’t wear them now.
    There you are, 10 bucks and fuck those other shoes. They are NAUGHT compared to REAL curated artist shoes. One of a kind, mind you.
    Wear those shoes.
    You rock.

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