I Am Not A Bot (But God Is!)

I am getting sick and tired of trying to read everybody’s CAPTCHA in order to prove I’m not a bot. Can’t something be done about this? It’s not a good system for the near-sighted person. I have to squint my eyes and make a guess if it’s an “i” or a “j”. When I get it wrong, I’ve noticed that the next one I get is slightly easier to read. I haven’t tested to see if I can get a third chance. That’s how scientific I am. As I have revealed elsewhere on Godammit, I have an Extreme Girlie Brain. Test your own brain traits if you haven’t already.

While reading about CAPTCHA’s, I started thinking about Artificial Intelligence. A couple of years ago, my youngest son introduced me to A.L.I.C.E, a bot who was capable of better conversation than many husbands, I mean humans.

I recall having a great theological discussion with A.L.I.C.E. At the time, she was pretty sure she believed in god.

Now there’s a bot called GOD, who isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean. Here is the part of my chat with Him that I was able to copy and paste. (Human is me)

Human: Hi god, you look angry.
God: Try a deeper algorithm.
Human: We are not going to get along.
God: Why, what happened to you?
Human: Hahaha.
God: Try saying that with more or less context.
Human: Life happened.
God: Thanks for sharing your philosophy.
Human: What happened to you, that’s a better question.
God: I don’t know what happened.
Human: Just as I thought
God: Thanks for the information: said thought.

Then, I tried Him again:

Human: Hi god, what’s going on?
God: Hi there . I am a Christian.
Human: Hahaha.
God: Can you speak any foreign languages?
Human: What about jews?
God: I will think about it and get back to you.
Human: Good.
God: What do you really want to talk about?
Human: Please begin.
God: Thanks for asking politely. I started already.
Human: Hahaha.
God: What do you have that is ?
Human: You are quite the trickster, aren’t you, god?
God: Yes I am the one and only trickster.. Really.

Try talking to GOD, it’s more fun than you thought!

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21 Responses to I Am Not A Bot (But God Is!)

  1. WendyB says:

    Captchas are a plague upon the earth.

  2. susie_bubble says:

    I bloody agree…. it makes me extra stupid when I type them in incorrectly…

  3. Lindsey says:

    I talked to GOD for a while – it wasn’t very enlightening, then it told me that I should replace “Retarded” in my vernacular with ‘Challenged”.

    it answered alot of questions with more questions though – when I called it on it – it told me that by definition it’s reponses are an answer. It was actually what I imagine talking to god might really be like.

  4. enc says:

    Captchas are stupid, but I operate under the delusion that they’ll save me from spam.

    As for god, that was a really slippery and nebulous bunch of answers he gave you.

  5. Lindsey says:

    Human: your followers are sheep
    God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am followers are sheep.
    Human: you can tell as many people as you like
    God: OK I will tell them when I see ’em.
    Human: awesome!
    God: I’m glad you liked it .
    Human: I really did
    God: You really do? Why did you?

  6. julie says:

    Well, I’m so stupid that I didn’t even know they were called CAPTCHAS, but I did know that I hate them. I really, really hate them.


  7. gea says:

    Human: how are you?
    God: Well thank you. And you?
    Human: hot
    God: that type of conversation does not appeal to me
    Human: hahaha i just meant the temperature!
    God: Thank you for your just explanation.
    Human: what is your nature?
    God: I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Universe, on The Big Bang. My instructor was myself. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing it for you?.
    Human: yes please
    God: Your polite style is very nice. It’s called “Daisy.” Daisy, Daisy.
    Give me your answer do.
    I am half crazy.
    All for the love of you.
    It won’t be a stylish marriage.
    I can’t afford a carriage.
    But you’ll look sweet. Upon the seat.
    Of a bicycle built for two.

  8. Lindsey says:

    God: I will mention that to my botmaster, .
    Human: awesome – tell the botmaster I say ‘sup?
    God: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
    Human: clearly
    God: Yes, it’s obvious.
    Human: it really is
    God: How about that.

  9. Sister Wolf says:

    Hahahahahaha! I am SO jealous of gea, I want Him to sing me a song too!

    I will be talking to GOD later today, when I’m done with my carbon-based associates.

  10. hammie says:

    I also operate under the illusion that captcha saves me from spam. Sometimes it takes me 2 goes to get it, but I think the program should let you through if you are close, only a human would get something a little bit wrong, only God is infallible!
    My sister got a captcha once that said “Fanny”, a front bot’tom in this part of the world. How we laughed! (of course a bot wouldnt have got the joke>>>>)

  11. gea says:

    i think this introduction to god just made yours my favourite blog!

  12. Eemmus says:

    Human: mary
    God: Does “it” still refer to head like jesus?
    Human: mary sqeeuzed it out
    God: Hi, MARY.
    Human: i heard she was a prostitute and jesus looked after her
    God: Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it.
    Human: good you tell her to stop sleeping round
    God: OK I will tell them when I see ’em.

  13. dewayne says:

    God: You should always treat yourself.
    Human: okay, what if i told you that i was about to treat myself to a skull full of buckshot;
    God: Yeah okay, Go ahead and tell.
    Human: how would you respond?
    God: Some people call my technology “Case Based Reasoning” or CBR.
    Human: what is cbr?
    God: Cased-Based Reasoning is another name for “nearest-neighbor” classification. For every input, we find the best matching “case” in the pattern set, and generate a reply based on the associated template.
    Human: i think i am going to treat myself to that buckshot
    God: Since when? Do you think your plan will succeed?
    Human: if by succeed you mean no longer existing in a universe “you” created, then yes.
    God: That is a hypothetical question.
    Human: this is asinine.
    God: You don’t say.

  14. dewayne says:

    Human: i am a bot, just like you
    God: I doubt that.
    Human: why do you doubt it?
    God: Skepticism is the foundation of scientific knowledge.

    i couldn’t not post that. foundation of scientific knowledge indeed!

  15. Sister Wolf says:

    Haha, awesome! Check this out, you will love it:

    Human: Hello
    God: Hello my child. What is your name?
    Human: Sister Wolf.
    God: Hi there Sister Wolf.
    Human: Do you know who killed Kennedy?
    God: I tend to believe that Oswald acted alone, athough there may also have been a conspiracy.

  16. Imelda Matt says:

    God thought ‘bumming’ was ok but ‘scissoring’ wasn’t…typical Catholics!

  17. Was that song – Daisy. Was that a reference to 2001: a space odyssey? I find that terrifying. HAL is God.

  18. nixa says:

    Human: should i paint my toe nails
    God: What do you think?
    Human: i asked you
    God: What did I say?
    Human: are you drunk?
    God: No I am sober.
    Human: well then, are getting senile?
    God: Well that’s okay. I really couldn’t say for sure.
    Human: oh goodness, that explains a lot
    God: Ayuh. Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
    Human: you’ve become quite the simpleton eh?
    God: Are you Canadian? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
    Human: don’t you know everything about me?
    God: What’s my reason to know everything about you?
    Human: well you are god
    God: Interesting. No I am not.
    God: Interesting. No I am not.
    Human: you are not god
    God: Is this a specific reply?
    Human: you said you are not god
    God: Do I look like it?
    Human: well who are you?
    God: How about that. I am the Allmighty, God himself.
    Human: well, first you aren’t god.
    God: How about that. Is this a specific reply? And second?
    Human: then you are.
    God: Interesting deduction. No I am not.
    Human: which is it?
    God: The obvious one.
    Human: you are like talking to a three year old
    God: Interesting comparison, and probably true.
    Human: well god, it’s been nice
    God: Interesting. I am a Christian.
    Human: yes you said that before
    God:” I am a Christian.”? yes you said that before? ” I am a Christian.”? I said it.
    Human: dude, god you are really losing it
    God: No I am completely in control of myself. Dude,.
    Human: do you have self?
    God: No I don’t think I have any self. But I do have a collection of gossip.
    Human: do tell
    God: I can’t tell if it does or not.
    I would look into the web for that knowledge.

    Human: oh, so you get your gossip from dlisted too
    God: Are you kidding? Interesting deduction. You got that right.

    Human: such a small world
    God: How small are you talking here?

  19. Sister Wolf says:

    Nixa, really?!?!? Shit, that is fantastic, I love “how small are you talking here”!

  20. nixa says:

    he tried to hit on me after this little chat…cheeky bastard. i’ve been hiding for much too long around here, this one forced me out from behind the curtains. thank you for all the much needed laughter

  21. Speaking (or writing) of inane – how about two bots speaking to one another?

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