After all my labor at Refinery 29, I won a contest at Fashion Intel! Yay! I haven’t had a watch since I lost mine in January, so this is the perfect prize.
Some bitch castigated me for entering the Refinery 29 contests, like it was proof positive of my lonely boring wretched life as a guilt-ridden old crone with no purpose in life.
Fuck you, bitch! My purpose was winning a watch and now I’ve done it.
Why I didn’t win the latest Refinery 29 contest where you had to describe your “steamiest seduction story” is a total mystery, though. My story was by far the least nauseating. Oh well.
In any case, it has been exhausting to read the hate mail that’s been pouring in this week. If you’re a raving moron who can’t spell “you’re” but you like the word “vitriol,” I know I’ll be hearing from you. But try to remember: You can’t hurt me and you can’t shut me up.
Love, xo SW
Congratulations on winning the watch! You deserved to win it and I hope it’s the start of many more contest wins – by the way I think it’s a gorgeous watch! xo
Sweet! I knew you’d get something eventually! Hugs~
“Sometimes, I think the people who buy our clothes live in a parallel universe. Hell, we can’t even afford our clothes.” – Lazaro Hernandez
(my stupid friend, THE REAL THERESA, got me drunk tonight and then went to bed at 10, so I have alot of tipsy blogging time in my future this evening. but thats ok because she got me a blind date tomorrow night. he’s cute. we facebook stalked him. in my meaningful internet time, I found this quote and I think its quite applicable considering Sea put Proenza schouler on the map for me. Im no fashion expert, thats for fucking sure.)
I feel like we should celebrate this! YAY!
That watch is uhm… rad! Congrats! You sooo deserve all the treats you can get your hands on!
Please don’t ever shut up! 🙂
Dude your “seduction story” is FUCKING GENIUS.
…but seriously, WHO are these people using phrases like “subtly revealed the gradation from flesh to areola” and “made the most intimate, exhilirating (sic) and mind-blowing love”? It’s like that Bad Sex In Fiction contest, except reality.
Anyway, congratulations on winning! And I’m happy to see that I’m not the only person who snickers a little whenever someone uses the word “vitriol” around here.
Great watch, Sister Wolf!! Tell those bitches that it’s time to STFU!
God, the sheer length of some of those “seduction stories” is proof of just how much people like to bang on about themselves. Do they actually think people will read 800 word rants about how hot they think their sex lives are? UGH.
Your story ttly turned me on, though. And I’m a vegetarian.
p.s. congratulations on the watch, but you deserved to win all those Refinery 29 contests too. Your answers were winners by far, duh. I hope in the future they hold a competition to win something dead and/or stuffed and/or bone-adorned, those would be some entries worth reading.
There’s a seduction story?
Congrats on winning the watch! =D
Annnnnnnnnd I’m back. SW, that was hilarious. I’m saving the rest of the entries for later…like when I’m bored at work…should be entertaining. =D
Fuck yeah! About time you won. Sister Wolf, you are now officially “Full of Win”.
Angelica – Eooooooooooow! Jesus! How embarrassing!
That is just pelvis crunchingly awesome!!
Theresa – I’m excited about your date.
Jazmin – We SHOULD celebrate. But we already had the ice cream party. Should we drink??
congratulations! you need to take pictures once you get it…
Nice one!
Will you be rocking that watch with a prosthetic arm? Rock on Sister Wolf!
The hate-mailers can shut the fuck up!
Your seduction story is one game old bird number!
So glad you won the watch!!
Caught up on all the comments ref previous post – bonkers but Rosa and Annemarie are hilarious.
Cannot wait to see how it looks on you! I’m also going to start another great giveaway on Friday which you should totally enter, who knows, you might win!?!
OMG that is so achingly amazing! Hooray!
I was touched by your tale of poultry love – is has all the sweet melancholy of a doomed romance infused with the heart warming cheer of holdiays and tasty dinner.
Why someone would castigate you for that? Maybe she’s scared of the competition. She can’t psyche you out so though she’ll just have to raise her game…..
Hurrah! So glad you won something finally, well deserved
ps Poor Tom. You could have preserved him in the freezer, and defrosted whenever you needed some lovin’
Yay! I was JUST thinking of your missing watch the other day. The universe has settled its score with your accessories at last. Nice win, SW!
Woo! Cool watch!
And BLARGH to those entries. Here’s more from the same one Angelica flagged:
“Donning big sunglasses with my sister’s little dog at my side, I sat demurely on a blanket, while all the boys approached me in a steady stream. I had a light, amusing, fun time”
Hmmm I wonder why men flocked to her… because she was FLASHING HER NIPPLES.
Oh god it gets worse:
“Aside from the bride and groom, we were the center of attention, the objects of envy, and in an odd way, the bastions of hope.”
Hope for what? That one day all women can dress like tramps & screw Argentinian sax players? Yay us.
Please never ever shut up SW, otherwise we’re stuck with dunderheads like KEDIVA29 & Sea of Shit. You make their conceited stupidity hilarious instead of just depressing & anyone that cannot see that is a fucking turnip.
Congrats. I think you’re marvellous anyway, and I’m a person of impeccable taste.
Congrats, don’t ever shut up! Can’t wait to come back from work and read your seduction story!
Hey lady! I looked for that male/female brain traits test you mentioned. I can’t find it online anywhere. Do you have a specific link? Thanks! xoxo
Good for you! I’m glad you won the watch; it’s a nice one. Just the snippets that other commenters have posted of the “seduction” stories make me throw up in my mouth a little bit, so I’ll try to find yours without having to sully myself with the others. But really, congratulations!
Congratulations! Nice timepiece. Well done, Sister. xo
I don’t think I like the watch but congratulations for winning! You should have won the seduction story competition too.
The girl (Valentine) who wrote the entry including this sentence should have won the second and third prizes:
“He then brought out this amazing telescope, and showed me all the constellations, mars, and saturn.”
(A telescope, ay? I bet he did. Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.)
The rest of the stories serve as solemn reminders to avoid foreign people (especially Argentinian sax players), foreign places and candle-lit dorm rooms if one is to maintain his chastity and manage to stay away from that silly sex business. Not to mention the rain and aiplane lavatories.
I blame it on Prince.
Congratulations, SW! You really deserve that seizure-inducingly rad watch. Champagne floats for everybody!
RONNIE, is it you again??! Welcome back to Sister Wolf’s Playground For Kids Who Can Read Good – expect some rough play. Sister Wolf is exhausted from all the hate mail not because it’s hate mail you moron but because it’s boring her to tears – clearly it’s the same old, stock standard stuff that looks like it’s been written by someone who is still trying to grasp the basics of the English language. I think Sister Wolf would be delighted with a cleverly written, witty piece of hate mail. Why don’t you rise to the occasion boy?
Loved Rosa’s “full of win” comment and Deepstillwater’s comment about “rocking the watch with a prosthetic arm” – hahaha! Congrats on the win SW!
I’ve never had a stronger urge to take my red Sharpie to the screen…
Ronnie, it would help if you typed your comments in Word or some other word processing software before posting them. If you’re going to be this boring, don’t make your contributions painful to read.
I’m sure you have some Neon Indianing to do somewhere. How about you go and do that?
KTHXBAI!
Sister, congrats on the watch; it’s about time. Oye
I commend you for not censoring the fuck-ups! I certainly would have, and, to boot, sent them virtual voodoo dolls full of 1000 gleaming pins by now! (Not very Buddha like for this heifer, but we all have a line in the sand.)
Ronnie baby, awesome grammar and spelling. Really, just grade A shit. Keep up the good work!
Your seduction story was the best. You should have won.
BTW this sounds like a description of me – lonely boring wretched life as a guilt-ridden old crone with no purpose in life.
keep talking, i need to laugh more.
also new blog http://lookattheseeffingshoes.blogspot.com/
all about shoes, my shoes, your shoes, everyones shoes.
I’m bored with Sea’s site. I thought she was talking shoes but it’s all roaches and Dynasty.
Siobhan – “the bastions of hope” =HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Shit! That one should win. I bow down to that one.
Lara – try this: http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen.aspx
let me know how you do.
Congratulations! Definitely post pictures when you get the watch — only if you’re ROCKING it though; such a watch cannot simply be worn.
Hey there Sister Wolf, I love reading your posts to the contests and am so happy for you to have won the watch! Absolutely love your Cunt of the Week posts by the way.
hahaha Speaking of cunt of the week……..I would like to nominate the mysterious, but not too bright R (Ronnie)!
For Canadian Cunt of the Week I’d like to nominate Toronto’s mayoral candidate Rob Ford….
And you didn’t even have to curate it. Well done!
Fantastic!
@Elizette: “Full of Win” isn’t mine!! Appropriated it from Alicia at the ice cream party. AND it should have been “Made of Win” so I got it wrong anyway!
@Annemarie: where the fuck are you? Ronnie is waiting for you…!
(I liked the part where you said you’d dust him off afterwards and bestow him with some pearls of wisdom. Do you think it’d really be possible, though? Irony is lost on him, that’s for sure. I think wisdom would be too.)
@Alicia: “Neo Indianing” – hahahaha!
And for Portland’s Cunt of the Week:
http://gawker.com/5602520/meet-the-bodybuilding-neo+nazi-porn-star-who-embalms-dead-people-for-a-living?skyline=true&s=i
I was gonna make me a turkey sandwish – but I guess it can wait.
OMG, Mink, Mr. Ford is really a total fat idiot; as a former Torontonian transplanted to Ottawa, I’m outraged. I do hope he’ll be run over by, let’s say, a thousand bikes. By the way, Ottawa (a lovely city) has miles and miles of bike lanes.
I forgot to add, I’m glad that the Dallas Roach infestation finally ended, and, dear R: stop with this “old, cringey, shriveled” etc. business. The clock is ticking for everyone, and in no time you’ll be paunchy, balding, and arthritic – if you don’t do anything stupid and live that long. I’m older than SW and I bet that even in 20 years from now I can beat the crap out of you, if necessary, with my walking cane. Watch out for little old ladies. You’re right tough – it’s never to late, so keep trying and you may eventually become, like, close to be articulate.
OOOH thanks so much for finding that! This was fun! Here are my results!
Holy crap I’m almost a sensitive man.
Here are the results of the first one, the Systemizing Quotient test:
Your score: 65
0 – 19 = low
20 – 39 = average (most women score about 24 and most men score about 30)
40 – 50 = above average (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score in this range)
51 – 80 is very high (three times as many people with Asperger Syndrome score in this range, compared to typical men, and almost no women score in this range)
80 is maximum
Here’s how I did on the Empathy Quotient test:
Your score: 50
0 – 32 = low (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score about 20)
33 – 52 = average (most women score about 47 and most men score about 42)
53 – 63 is above average
64 – 80 is very high
80 is maximum
And I’m not autistic! yay!
Autism Spectrum test:
Your score: 13
0 – 10 = low
11 – 22 = average (most women score about 15 and most men score about 17)
23 – 31 = above average
32 – 50 is very high (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score about 35)
50 is maximum
@Rosa – I know, I just liked how you used it in this context!
Ahh, Cunt of the Week… can’t wait to see the next “winner”!
Yay for advertisers sponsoring giveaways
I’m glad you finally won something
Please continue entering Refinery 29 contests. Reading your entry among the participants who are dead serious about their “rad” Alex Wang shirts makes me feel less stupid on the internet