Kelly Bensimon, a Gift From God

Once again, I’m the last one to find out about something that the whole world already knows.   When it comes to hating Kelly Bensimon though, better late than never!

What a fucking horrible woman!   When you’re watching Kelly Bensimon, she is the worst person who ever lived.   She is beyond anything that words can express.   She is the fucking Holy Grail for haters!   Why wasn’t I notified?!?!?

My husband was kind enough to discover the Real Housewives show for me, and I’ve only seen three episodes. But this Kelly Bensimon person is such a monster that I feel like my whole life has been leading up to finding her! Everything she says and does is like medieval torture. Watching her is worse than being waterboarded! Why didn’t the Bush administration JUST USE KELLY BENSIMON?!

Here is how she ended an interview with Bazaar magazine, when asked who she would be if she could be anyone else for a day:

“I would be me. Every single day. With criticism, without criticism. Just to be me. Because what’s so bad about that?”

May I be allowed to tell Kelly what’s so bad?   Okay, good.

Kelly, here’s what’s bad: You’re stupid as a plank of wood, you’re full of shit, you’re rude and condescending, you named your kid “Sea,” you think you’re a prom queen even though you’re pushing forty, you’re a ridiculous snob, and you play stupid head trips with everyone. AND you’re selling some ugly owl necklace that you ripped off from somewhere.

If you haven’t seen this woman, you’re in for a very special treat. I have never wanted to punch someone in the face so fervently.

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26 Responses to Kelly Bensimon, a Gift From God

  1. ash says:

    I love you. Seriously. I so have the hate for this woman. I like how she ignores her children. That is my favorite part.

  2. Danielle says:

    I HATE HER SO MUCH. Literally, every time I watch her on this show, I not only cringe, but I feel my blood pressure increasing…and this is only from a damn TV SHOW. Why does she think she is amazing?? Why does she think she has logical arguments, when whatever she spits out of her mouth is like gibberish? EVEN THE [ex]COUNTESS rolls her eyes…and she’s on a high horse, herself!

    Thank you, Sister, thank you…for starting to hate her, too.

  3. David Duff says:

    You may wish very strongly to punch her in the face but judging from the photo I fear you may have difficulty reaching it!

  4. crocodilian says:

    Oh my god! OH MY GOD!

    I LOVE HATING KELLY BENSIMON. I feel like her purpose in life is to inspire a new depth and breadth of hateful diatribe to spill from my lips. But to credit, she has given me some hilariously idiotic one-liners that I plan to work into my everyday life.

    My most recent favorite:

    Kelly: Have you heard of the mountain and the molehill?
    Bethany: You mean… MAKING a mountain OUT OF a molehill?
    Kelly: Yeah.

  5. Jill says:

    Have you seen her wayward boob?!

  6. crocodilian says:

    I also forgot to include this video, which should be watched by anyone and everyone who hates Kelly (or any of the other housewives). AMAZING:

  7. Jools says:

    You’ve found my (favorite) guilty pleasure! This show is HYSTERICAL. (I thought I was the only one watching this show.) I love the way each housewife has the definitive answer to every single ethical, physical and spiritual question ever posed.
    Kelly is the creepiest. She could be Ramona’s husband in drag.

  8. annemarie says:

    Wow. I haven’t seen the show yet but after reading these comments I am really looking forward to it!

  9. Mark says:

    I just discovered this twat, too! I love to watch her lie on Real Housewives. I, too, have only seen two episodes, but during those few minutes while she was on screen, I wanted her terminated. I don’t know the name of the black-haired Housewife with the round face, the one who’s single and dated a model named Philipe, but I thought I hated her ’til I saw Kelly work her wicked twatish magic. Kelly Bensimon is a vile whore. Thank you for hating her as much as I do.

  10. andrea says:

    Oh, I should have told you about her! She is so beyond awful. That show is one of my guilty pleasures- a whole hour of making fun of these assholes. And btw, there are no real women in Manhattan that are like that. The ones that you see going to all the benefits and photographed in Vogue would never allow anyone that’s not in their social circle to know about their lives. Real NY women have real lives and have to deal with real problems- like where am I going to get the money to pay for my surface to air sandals and children with psych problems. I should know- I’m a real NY housewife. And don’t get me started on the husband with the British accent that likes to shop and dress his wife. He’s the second worst on that show. At least his wife can draw.

  11. She’s a truly heinous creature!

  12. WendyB says:

    I just discovered her recently too and was ENTHRALLED. First of all, she’s a MAN, baby! This is not a woman. And what’s up with the skin? That’s before we even get to the attitude and low IQ. I love to hate her!

  13. alittlelux says:

    oh how i despise her!

    anyone else thinks she hired that dude to be her boyfriend on the show? and didn’t she get into a little trouble recently for hitting her boyfriend?

    personally, i love me some bethany…

  14. alittlelux says:

    oh, i also hate kelly because she claims she is the “ambassador of wool”

  15. HelOnWheels says:

    I want to shoot her in the face. Yep, you heard me. I hate her. She brings the bile up to the back of my throat. I hate all of the “Housewives” (and I hate myself for watching it!) but Kelly has made it on to my “People I Would Like To Personally Kill”. I will be making the world a better place.

    Oh, and I’m totally with WendyB: “Kelly’s” a MAN. Just look at how she’s standing in the photo above, with her hand checking to make sure her package isn’t visible! The skin is probably the result of too many chemical peels which were instantly followed by extreme exposure to the sun.

  16. WendyB says:

    @alittlelux I totally want to be an ambassador for cheap polyester

  17. Sister Wolf says:

    ash- Oooh, that IS good, I hadn’t even noticed that aspect.

    Danielle – This is hatred. This is the ‘real deal’, and I hate that expression.

    David – I would find a way.

    crocodilian – YES, that was good. I loved : “Staaaahp. Just staaahp.”

    JIll- God, yes. And I love it.

    Jools – I can’t remember which one is Ramona!

    annemarie – Be warned. This is some heavy shit.

    Mark – I would do Phillipe, wouldn’t you??

    Andrea – Is that accent supposed to be British?! Hahaha!

    iheartfashion – Come on, heinous isn’t even close. Reach higher!

    WendyB- Thank you. She is totally a fucking man, let’s see her birth certificate.

    alittlelux – If Bethany is the black-haired one, yes, she rules because she hates Kelly so much.

    HelOnWHeels – HAHAHAHA! As Flannery O’COnnor says, “Some people need killing.”

    WendyB- I would vote for you.

  18. Marcy says:

    Thank goodness someone cares as much as I do! She is foul in every way and just gets worse. The word vapid doesn’t even come close.

  19. Rollergirl says:

    Wow, I’ve never heard of this programme. Why was she in Harper’s Bazaar ffs? I need to investigate…

  20. Susan says:

    What a cunt, right? Not only is she a certified cunt, she may have mental stability problems as well– A dangerous combo.

    And we all want to see Bethany kick Kelly right in the balls.

  21. Sister Wolf says:

    Marcy -No, but it’s a good place to start.

    Rollergirl – Good question! Evidently, just to make fun of her. Believe me, she’s more awful than she sounds from these comments.

    Susan – Hahahahha! God yes, to each of your points. Maybe in the season finale??

  22. She used to write a column in page 6 magazine in the post on sunday, so she probably has “newspaper writer” on her resume. I need to find this show on my computer.

  23. Kimmmberly says:

    I cannot stand Kelly! She is a skank!

  24. yellingangie says:

    kelly is a liar, delusional, brainless twit! turns out she is the hoebag! someone needs to bitchslap that bitch knock some sense into her!

  25. nicky volkure says:

    I think that ALL of them need therapy……….Dr Phil……pull on in there !!!! They need u !!!!

  26. nicky volkure says:

    U are all so hateful…shame on u !

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