Key Trends to Avoid

I plan to avoid any look devised by Alexander Wang, including this disturbing boot. Each time I see it, I feel upset. It looks like a shoe giving birth to another shoe, and that’s not something I want to dwell upon. Or perhaps it’s a bit like a parasitic twin, a subject I actually enjoy but not as portrayed by this shoe.

I will be skipping the long side braid, too. Anyone I come across who has a long braid falling over one shoulder will be instantly assessed as a tragic fashion victim. If you’ve been wearing your hair this way for years, fine. Just carry a dated photo with you.

Alexander Wang says two things to me: Erin Wasson and Rumi. I cannot extract him from these muses or whatever they are. He’s dead to me.

Another trend to avoid is the New Military Look. Not the old Military Look that features the horrible marching band jacket a la Michael Jackson. The NEW Military Look is all about army surplus-looking stuff in olive drab or khaki. How many times must we resort to stupid uniforms? Just wait until you can’t find skinnies* (*sorry!) because they’ve been replaced by cargo pants.

Watch out for the stylized Cat-eye Sunglasses, once again instigated by Alexander Wang and coveted by all the blogger girls. The correct response to a picture of the $325 AW version is   “love.” Just the one word. Of course you want a pair, but try to resist. Sure all the kids   are doing it, but if Jimmy said to jump off a cliff, would you do that too?

Tribal, digital prints, clogs, what other important trends am I missing? The only one that works for me is Leather, because In Leather is Truth. (Something Something Veritas.)

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41 Responses to Key Trends to Avoid

  1. WendyB says:

    I have to tell you, I love the shades, but I know you’ll forgive me since you’ve done so for the Topshop jacket.

    My first reaction to the shoes though was that one shoe was eating another. Giving birth is a much more interesting way of describing it.

  2. Sister Wolf says:

    Of COURSE you love them. Why not buy these instead for only $7.99?
    http://www.godammit.com/2008/10/29/screw-palin-lets-talk-about-me/

  3. kate says:

    Wang is one dick of a designer.

    As if those glasses weren’t a mis-design enough on their own, this pic of the horrid Anna de la Russo sealed the deal:

    http://iwantigot.geekigirl.com/2010/03/01/i-want-alexander-wang-cat-eye-sunglasses/

  4. Stella Mayfair says:

    i like anna dello russo, she’s like a haute couture carnival on heels. but the latest wang collection does nothing for me, except the alla leopard shoes (http://fluxuryb.com/2010/03/alexander-wang-leopard-wedge).

    by the way, interesting phrase, “wang collection”… errmm… sorry. this is obviously due to the latest terry richardson related articles on the web…

  5. Braindance says:

    You missed out nude delicate fabrics, pastel colours and florals.
    Same shit, different day
    Honestly, they churn out the same trends every 3/4 years, not everyone has lost the power to remember what they did last year, due to a copious cocaine habit.

    I try to stay away from trends unless they have encroached upon my natural habitat. Seeing has I like to dress like a Sci-Fi baddie or an eccentric old lady, it does not happen to often.

  6. Cricket9 says:

    The shoe reminds me of “Alien” the movie; I’ve seen the military trend approx. 15 times by now – each more boring than the previous one. The glasses could work with a long black cape and a head-gear with little pointy ears.

  7. annemarie says:

    Agree with you about Alexander Wang. I don’t know what is fucking up with the rampant worship. So tacky and unsophisticated. Hate. (Ha!)

    re: side braids. No, no, no. I’ve worn my hair like that for fucking years. It’s a great no-fuss option for unruly manes. I am so pissed off I wasn’t given due credit by the stylists for all those fashion shoes.

    re: the glasses. I love them. I LOVE silly sunglasses. The more silly shit to put on your face the better. Also: can’t stand wayfarers.

  8. MJ says:

    I love tribal prints – without them I would not be able to play my annual game of “spot the wealthy white women in the mixed tribal prints of many lands” at the writers’ conference I attend. One year I nearly got bingo with a posh suburbanite who was rocking a mix of African and Batik. I kept looking for the Tibetan prayer beads and perhaps a silk Chinese glasses case or makeup bag but sadly missed them.

    This of course has kept me from ever wearing the gorgeous African print scarf I bought at the Smithsonian in the early 1990s because I don’t want to look like an imperialist douchbag appropriating “authentic” patterns to mix with my Austin Reed suits and plain black loafers.

  9. andrea says:

    I passed on the shoes (and his leopard print “pony hair” wedges) because they label you “fashion victim” if you wear them. And they are over as soon as “the masses” have spent their hard earned $$ on them. The same with the glasses. (I did try them on, and they looked ridiculous on my small face.) All these pieces have been seen on Alexander Wang’s friends and model friends, which are supposed to make you want to run out and buy them because they are oh so cool. I have been wearing an old army jacket forever and I’m not going to stop now. The same with braids. I started wearing them because I am letting my hair grow longer so I can put it up, because I have had f***king hot flashes for SEVEN YEARS!! and my gyno says they will probably not go away. But I may shy away from the side braid for fear of the wrath of Sister Wolf : )

    BTW, what do you thing about all the slime about Terry Richardson? I see him around NY from time to time and every time I see him, he makes me want to take a shower. So dirty and creepy looking with those aviator glasses from the 70s and that stupid leering grin. eecchhh!!

  10. Dru says:

    Marilyn did cat-eye glasses better in How To Marry A Millionaire (I’ve wanted those ever since I first learned I was myopic- a solid ten years ago). It’ll take more than a pack of silly hipsters to lessen my love for them.

    The braid and I have had a love-hate affair for decades now, and there’s photographic evidence, if the permanent wave in my hair isn’t enough. I really don’t want to wear my hair in a way that seems mainly reserved for schoolgirls in these parts..

  11. Trashforce Reaper says:

    The shoe makes me feel strange in the same way that pictures of barnacles do.

  12. Braindance says:

    I am sorry to all correct grammar lovers, I am not called The Well Read Dyslexic for nothing.

  13. Iron Chic says:

    When I read that “long braid” article in Vogue I thought they were just fucking with us…a messy braid?!
    I only look good in two sunglasses shapes so I can’t follow that cateye trend. I’m just happy those clear-ish J-lo sunglasses with the little rhinestones are way dead and gone.

  14. Devin says:

    If I was AW, the next show I’d stick the models with Morman-inspired hair styles just to see how many people try and recreate the look on the street. Would be amazing to see. Anyway, I do like Alexander wangs pieces but those shoes are pretty ugly. I confess I own a bag of his. Not all of his shit is terrible… Besides those glasses.

  15. Aine says:

    I kinda like the plaits and cat eyes but im mostly just commenting to nominate Uncle Terry Richardson as a the next cunt of week. His photos are shit and the only women he can convince/pressurize to fuck him are desperate teenagers. What a scumbucket

  16. Bessie the cow says:

    I’m actually thinking of wearing the boots with the military jacket and the cat glasses, and a long fake braid on the side, (and leggings with the periodic table printed on them) but that’s only because I like the “Sci-Fi baddie or an eccentric old lady” look that Braindance enjoys, and this may be a melding of the two.
    Oye, Sister . . . I’m actually wearing leggings today with a 1920s style black dress and an old, old . . . did I say old denim jacket. And five long strands of fake, plastic beads (green of course in honor of St Paddy!).

  17. Jill says:

    Tribal I love, always have…and I do braids, just not over one shoulder…as my hair isn’t long enough.

    But, I’ve always hated military, sailor, safari, school girl, moto anything…and red eyeshadow.

  18. ahg i hate clogs! why? die clogs die!

  19. erika says:

    I just scored a Filson safari jacket at the Goodwill 2$ sale. Khaki and miltary looking. I plan to wear it. I really like Khaki and Olive ughhh hate that it’s trendy but….. Also tribal prints, yep, it’s summer. I will be wearing my tribal print summer dresses. But i get a pass because I am a woman of color.
    I went to Nordstrom the other day and saw some of the monster clogs there. The salesman said yeah they are so trendy right now. Is this supposed to make me want them more ??

  20. aimee-WTF says:

    Don’t worry. Some Disney Rapunzel movie is coming out, so the braid will be all the rage with 6 year olds. Then we won’t have to see it on overgrown waifs with too much time on their hands anymore.

  21. Don’t! I’m struggling as it is working in fashion and this makes me question it even more!

  22. dust says:

    WendyB – do you mean like HR Giger shoe?

    My problem with trends are not specific items, but the “woman” they propose. Rock chick, sex kitten, garden lady, purist, guerrilla chique, vintage, futuristic, tribal? Fashion is suffering from multiple personality disorder and a lack of real inspiration.
    Those trends are so general that it’s almost impossible to avoid them. It’s just a vocabulary.

  23. Stella Mayfair says:

    cotw: i say yeah, uncle terry for the win. and that’ s even though i can somehow relate to the commenter on one of the kill-sleazy-terry articles who basically said that terry richardson always was about porn and never tried to conceal his sleazy ways.

  24. Hammie says:

    Try this: Vera pele veritas

  25. HelOnWheels says:

    A Wang really puts me off fashion. He’s uninspiring, demotivational. When I’m unfortunate enough to see one of his collections it has the polar opposite effect on me that McQueen’s shows used to have. I’m tired of the Wangs of the world and their sci-fi nightmare shoes.

  26. Cricket9 says:

    Dust, yes, it’s a Giger shoe! MJ, wear your “tribal” scarf, if it’s gorgeous, appropriate, who cares! BTW, red eyeshadow is another stupid trend that doesn’t go away. Looking like an albino rabbit is SO flattering!

  27. “New” Military Look, you have got to be kidding me. And now that you said it, those shoes are creepily disturbing.

  28. TheShoeGirl says:

    I love me a long side braid with a knit hat thingy… not gonna lie.
    HATE the cargo trend. So gross.

  29. Jane H. says:

    I reeeeeaaaaaaally don’t like those shoes. They just don’t seem right to me.

  30. Ann says:

    The shoe looks like it vomited up another shoe. Not a fan. I do like the military jacket though, shit. The good news is, I don’t wear a braid of any sort in my hair; my head is too little and it makes me look like deformed.

  31. Alicia says:

    YAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS for leather.

    Wang has never tickled my fancy. And the jacket with the misplaced chevrons and rockers looks both wrong and disrespectful to servicemen. I choose to be offended.

  32. Sister Wolf says:

    Kate – OH GOD,monstrous! Thank you!

    stella mayfair – Well, I hope you hold out and take a pass on those shoes. They are another of his big hits that everyone covets.

    Braindance – HA, how could I forget nude, etc?? You are blesses with a style that no one can imitate. xo

    CRicket9 – same here. re the sunglasses: Hahahahahahahha!

  33. Sister Wolf says:

    annemarie – Wayfarers = No. Agreed!

    MJ – HAHAHAHA! At least you are hyper-conscious of your imperialist ways.

    andrea – That cunt is frontrunner for Cunt of the Week TM. What a fucker.

    Dru – Marilyn did everything better. Did you wear an actual side braid??

    Trashforce Reaper – Hahahaha don’t get me started on barnacles.

    Iron Chic – Just stay away from the evil, clear framed Palin glasses!

    Devon – What a brilliant idea!! I would love to see that too.

  34. Sister Wolf says:

    Aine – Yes. He is a complete piece of shit and I’ve always hated him. Horrible fucker.

    Bessie – That sounds like a cute outfit, and I hope you got a cupcake with green sprinkles.

    Jill – You are a hater with distinction. Tribal is your thing, so you get to be as tribal as you wanna be.

    Denise – I would love them to die a quick but horrible death, believe me.

  35. Sister Wolf says:

    Erika – WHY DO THEY SAY THAT?!? As if we’re that pathetic to buy whatever’s popular.

    aimee-WTF – Okay, good!

    Make Do – Oh dear, pretend I did’t says anything! Yay for clogs & military crap!

    dust – Oh god, so true. The categories are so tragic. Especially “boho.”

    Hammie – Should I get the tattoo??

    fashionherald – Look away, you’re probably still breastfeeding!

  36. Sister Wolf says:

    The SHoeGirl – Cargo = hideous for everybody!

    Jane H – They area dead to us.

    Ann – The vomit angle is a good one. Your head is beyond perfect.

    Alicia – Oooh, I choose what you choose.

  37. Dru says:

    Sister- I did! Though it was tidy, and tied at the back (it only hung over my shoulder because my hair was very long, and I just liked to flick it over so my neck would feel less hot).
    I admire Heidi braids, though. My love for those knows no bounds, maybe because I find them so tough to do.

  38. I’m big into braids, but all sorts of braids; I’m Mexican-American so I’d like to claim cultural immunity on this side braid attack.

    Those Wang shoe bananas are pretty gross and look like they should be sold at Ross. His leopard wedges on the other hand could make me cut a bitch. Hilarious and witty blog btw. I was sent over here by Inny Vinny! You’ve got yourself another dedicated reader/commenter.

  39. Louise says:

    CLOGS! clogs. Why do clogs keep appearing in front of my eyes? why?

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