Of all the style bloggers who’ve been brought to my attention recently, this one disturbes me the most.
I don’t want to link to her or hurt her feelings. I just want her to eat!
How can one become so delusional that one’s starving body looks like a pin-up girl? This blogger likes to post several pictures of the same outfit, often posing saucily in front of various landmarks. She appears to be youngish, but her face is wrinkled from starvation and perhaps bulimia.
Just the other day, my sister and I were recalling our bouts of teenage anorexia. She can remember the exact moment that she decided to lose weight. We both remember how it was triggered by our dad, whose offhand comment about her weight was devastating to a sensitive 13 year old.
I can’t remember what triggered my anorexa, but it started when I was living in a place for juvenile delinquents. I got down to 96 pounds but still worried about calories. When I ate eggs, I threw away the yolk.
When you have anorexia, the image you see in the mirror can never be thin enough. Even your bones look too fat. All you care about is being thin and staying thin. You lose all capacity for being rational about your body.
A couple of years ago, I met a girl with anorexia who was also a drug addict. She reminded me a little of my younger self, and she was like a wounded bird that I longed to protect. She confessed to me that she cried after eating an apple. I tried to explain that her thinking was distorted. She died from huffing, thin as a twig.
A new study suggests that the propensity for anorexia begins in utero, due to hormone fluctuations. There is also a genetic component. Therefore, it’s not just a reaction to cultural pressure and stereotypes. Maybe it’s an issue of seeking control when you feel powerless: If you can control what you put in your mouth, you are in charge. That is the fallacy.
I hope someone can help the poor blogger. I hope someone can reach out to her, although who knows how many people may have tried and failed.
The good thing is that once you start to eat, your brain can work again. You begin to end the struggle with your body, and the spell can be broken, just by gaining a few vital pounds.
If you’ve battled with this shit, or you have an opinion, let’s hear it!