Let’s Take A Moment To Thank Brad And Angie

let's thank Brad and Angie

When I heard this morning that Brad and Angie are getting divorced, I was filled with a deep joy that spread through my being like one of Sting’s tantric orgasms, only better.

Who among us has not been waiting for this day, silently wishing they would shut the fuck up about their relationship and commitment to their kid collection.

Coming in the midst of the pestilence we call Donald Trump, their break up is just what this country needs and I for one would like to thank them for pulling it out just in time.

Thank you, Brad and Angie!

Thank you for everything, not just for getting divorced!

Thank you for the scandal that brought you to fame, thank you for elevating Jennifer Aniston to a national symbol of betrayed womanhood, thank you for the red-carpet PDA’s, thank you for the international photo ops, thank you for the self-adulating interviews, thank you for the awful Louis Vuitton and Chanel ad campaigns, thank you for letting us share your love of your children when you take them to toy stores, thank you for teaching us about cancer genes and refugees, thank you for being such great humanitarians and art collectors and real estate developers, thank you for letting Shiloh be a boy, thank you for calling everything “great fun” or “grand” and finally, thank you for the botox.

There is so much more, and in time it would be great fun if I could remember it all.

Meanwhile, as we wait patiently fir the stories and counterstories to emerge, let’s try to guess what happened.

Brad cheated. Brad ‘s temper. Brad’s substance abuse. Brad’s IQ. Brad’s hats.

Or

Angie’s eating disorder. Angie’s drug addiction. Angie’s jealousy. Those fucking neutral colors.

Who even cares?!?

Let’s just be grateful for what we are to receive, amen.

 

 

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7 Responses to Let’s Take A Moment To Thank Brad And Angie

  1. Marky says:

    Her arms!

  2. Kellie says:

    She always looks like the cat that got the cream. Refreshing to know that it isnt always the case.
    Our neighbors across the street were together for 24 years. They got married for their 25th anniversary. And were divorced less than 2 years later. Sometimes, if its working, you should let it be.

  3. Suspended says:

    Kellie, perhaps it wasn’t working and the marriage was a desperate attempt to cling on.

    No one saw this coming….*rolleyes.

    He looks sober in that pic but her eyes are telling me a whole other story.

  4. JK says:

    What’s that tubular looking thingie jutting out from her left chinbone running clear down to her goozle?

    Looks malignant to me.

    Anybody?

  5. Dj says:

    Karma? Boney elbows, knees? Screaming kids? Sullen Maddox? Constant jet lag? That poor ol’boy from Springfield was waaaayyy over his head with that banshee……

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