Shout Out To Nancy Grace

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I love Nancy Grace, but I see I’m in the minority. Just mention her name in any group and people will groan about how awful she is. More than one person has said to me, “I’d hate to be accused of a crime and have her come after me!” I think the problem is that she always presumes guilt, in the most prejudicial and histrionic manner.

Go, Nancy! I love her righteous anger and her crazy eye make-up. I love her phone voice, when she says, “What’s your question, dear?” I love the way her show ends, when she goes from a furious tirade straight to a dreamy, nearly romantic gaze directly into the camera and whispers, “Goodnight, friend.”

I first discovered Nancy during the Scott Peterson case, and it wouldn’t have been half as exciting without her running commentary. Her rage and scorn was such that Scott Peterson had killed her personally. If someone could prove that Scott was on Mars at the time his wife disappeared, Nancy would have sneered, “Oh, right, uh-huh” and gone right back to her charge of guilty as sin. At times, it seemed she might have a stroke right on live TV!

The other night, my husband called me over to the TV and said “Look, you’ll love this one,” and he was right. Nancy was ranting about a woman who had let her baby drown in the bathtub while she shopped online for shoes. What a story. It has everything, including the perfect metaphor for this moment in time.

Who among us hasn’t let the baby drown while we’re shopping online? So to speak.

If you don’t like that perspective, how about this. Here is another woman with five children under the age of ten. Her neighbors could see that ‘something’ was wrong with her….she was unable to get out of bed for days at a time. One neighbor tried to get the authorities involved, but nothing happened. The woman’s mother filed for some custody rights and the woman responded with a restraining order against her mother. The woman appears to  have Bipolar Disorder  but Nancy Grace’s callers complained “Then why didn’t she get help?”

Why indeed. Our society seems to veer between a chilly contempt for the mentally ill and an excessive sympathy for the addict. Maybe this mother should plead Internet Addiction, in order to evoke some compassion.

Meanwhile, Nancy is expecting twins and I hope this won’t force her to take time off from her show. I hope motherhood doesn’t temper her thirst for vengeance or alter her make-up regime. I love her just the way she is.

Posted in Celebrities, Horrible Stuff, News | 3 Comments

Stupid Doctor Commits Suicide

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The doctor who performed surgery on a disabled child in order to stunt her growth has commited suicide. Too late, buddy, is my feeling.

The family of the child, who they call their ‘Pillow Angel,’ had thanked Dr. Daniel Gunther for taking their daughter’s controversial treatment from ‘an idea’ to reality. They feel luck to have ‘knocked on the right door.’

One man’s Right Door is another man’s circle of hell, I guess. I think it’s safe to assume that the doctor couldn’t live with his decision. Too bad the little girl had no options,  and has no escape hatch.

Now some woman in the UK  wants to remove her disabled daughter’s uterus.  Katie Thorpe  is 15, and  her mother wants to eliminate the nuisance of menstruation. She notes that the girl doesn’t need her uterus, since she’s not going to get married or have children.

I hope the doctor who’s agreed to perform Katie’s hysterectomy has the decency to commit suicide before, not after.   

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Exotic Pets, For The Idiot In Your Life

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Today I received a message from Daily Candy about a new exotic pet I could buy, called the Ashera. I clicked on the link to Lifestyle Pets, a company that may or may not be a fraud.

The Ashera cat is described as a genetically engineered cross between an African Serval, an Asian Leopard Cat and a domestic cat that has been bred to be “fully socialized,” great with kids, etc. You can order one for $22,000.

There seems to be some controversy over this cat, which many breeders insist is actually a Savannah….a hybrid breed that hasn’t been fully domesticated yet and sells for around $500 each.

What’s wrong with the people who want these poor animals? Is it just the status of owning a $22,000 pet (in the case of the Ashera) or the thrill of knowing your cat might suddenly turn on your neighbor’s children and eat them?

Are  Bridgette Bardot and Tippy Hedren down with this shit?

The picture  picture on the left, above, is the Ashera. The one on the right is a Savannah. Either one would make a nice hat or bolero, in my opionion, but not a pet.  

Posted in Horrible Stuff, News | 5 Comments

Behold Tom Ford’s Butt

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Tom Ford has generously given us a look at his naked body in Out Magazine, and I just can’t get over his butt. It is simply pristine! He is 45 years old, and yet, look. How does Tom maintain his impeccable butt?

Does he wax it? Is it microdermabrasion? Thermage? Fraxel? Photoshop?

Here is a quote from the interview about the shower image:

“I complimented their cocks in the shower,” […] “I told one guy, ‘Your cock is really good; mine is usually bigger than this,’ and he said, ‘Oh, it’s just the water–go stand under the shower.’” […] “If you behave that way and you respect people, I think they get it,” […] “They sense from me that I’m not going to give one of them a blow job. I just don’t do that.”

I love Tom Ford. What a gentleman! I remember when he was “Bisexual,” that’s how long I’ve loved him. His new perfume is horrible, but his Gucci years were magic.

What does Tom Ford mean to you?

Posted in Celebrities, Fashion | 1 Comment

The Darjeeling Ltd. Review

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I haven’t seen The Darjeeling Limited but nevertheless I am here to share my review of it. It is the whimsical and sentimental story of three guys with huge noses. Adrien Brody, Owen Wilson and Jason Schwartzman struggle to get their noses to fit inside each frame,   examining the theme of The Nose as the mirror of the soul.

While the noses vie for superiority, one is naturally tempted to focus on Owen Wilson, whose halfhearted suicide attempt hovers over the movie like a cloud of black tar heroin. We see the flat, vacuous face of Kate Hudson in his tortured eyes, and we wonder if it was their hair that drew them together. Jason Schwartzman deploys his enormous nose with the usual panache, as would anyone whose uncle is Francis Ford Coppola.

The story is offbeat and witty, with an undertone of obscure homoeroticism and maybe even incest. Men belong together, the film suggests, instead of with Kate Hudson or Lisa Marie Presley, who was once Schwartzman’s Auntie. Angelica Hudson appears in a role that highlights her own large nose and important family connections.

All in all, if you like guys with big noses and you don’t mind whiny voices, this is a film to treasure. It will leave you feeling a stronger sense of your own facial blessings and a richer sense of why even suicide can’t solve problems.

Posted in Art, Celebrities | 1 Comment

Little Audrey Santo

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Audrey Santo fell into a swimming pool when she was three years old and nearly died. Most of her brain died, apart from some activity in the brain stem. Later, her mother decided she was a ‘victim soul,’ someone who agrees to take on the suffering of others to pay for their sins. The comatose child became famous, and visitors came to her house to view her through a glass window. Religious statues and paintings in the house dripped with oily tears, which visitors could take home with them on q-tips.

It’s a weird and awful story that brings to mind Terri Schiavo, who at least didn’t have to undergo this indignity. Little Audrey Santo finally died early this year, but her story lives on, thanks to the miracle of the internets and my morbid preoccupation with stigmata. Read about Little Audrey here, here,  and for maximum impact, here.

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If that’s not enough for you, read about miraculous weeping statues, etc, here.

Posted in Horrible Stuff, Religion | 1 Comment

The Handbag Problem, Solved.

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For now, at least.

Posted in Fashion | 2 Comments

Rumor Willis: God’s Revenge?

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What can be done about Rumor Willis?

Is it fair to make fun of her, or is it even possible not to? I’m thinking that since she’s going out of her way to be photographed, we should be allowed to comment. On the other hand, is it like kicking a dead horse? Or a potato?

I’m sorry, Rumor. I’m not a good enough person to defend you. I can only think that your mom’s amazing plastic surgery  was a pact with Satan. Try asking her if she can break the contract, or at least renegotiate!  

Posted in Celebrities, Horrible Stuff | 4 Comments

Why Women Fall For Bastards

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Finally, science looks at bastards! Here is a study that demystifies attraction. Flirty facial messages override bastard qualities, at least  in women looking for a ‘fling.’

I would say “duh” but I’m trying to seem professional. There’s even a little video to illustrate how this works.

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The Best Word To Describe Posh’s Hairdo

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When the subject of Victoria Beckham’s hairdo came up during lunch, my friend Tim remarked, “I think it’s assaultive.”   Isn’t he a genius?! Now you know how to discuss this awful hairdo at dinner parties!

The style has been named ‘the Pob,’ as in Posh+bob. Horrible. And it’s infectious, too.

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