Six Years In

Grave of a Suicide Victim - Wilhelm Kotarbinski, 1900

I went to the cemetery today to mark another year. It’s the most barren, godforsaken cemetery you could imagine.

Across the way, there are great big headstones and grass, with benches to sit on. On our side, the side for indigents, there is no grass and no benches.

You have to sit in the dirt, wipe off the flat gravestone, and pay your respects the old-fashioned way, on your knees, with tears.

One year, I went to visit with my best friend. Have I told this story before? Anyway, it was around 100 degrees, the gate was locked, but a gardener for the Nice side let us in.

The gravestone was dirty, with what we thought was a footprint. My friend pulled off her shirt and began wiping the dirt away. I was stunned to see her in the harsh sunlight, bending over in her black lace bra. I took off my shirt to help  I will treasure her gesture forever and ever.

Today we kept our shirts on, and my husband used some napkins to wipe the gravestone. It says “Max is King,” a proclamation he used to write over and over when he was a kid.

My husband left a purple guitar pick and I left some stones I collected since last time. I almost forgot to show Max my new tattoo, but I remembered! It’s a piece of toast with butter, his favorite thing besides music.

And I imagined I felt his pleasure.


Max is King.


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14 Responses to Six Years In

  1. suzanne myers says:

    Sending you lots of love today. Don’t have the right words, but you and Max are definitely in my heart. Max is King!

  2. Ellio says:

    So moved by your appreciation of your friend’s kindness. Glad you have one another.
    Excellent tattoo.
    Thinking of you.

  3. Suspended says:

    That really was a lovely gesture from your friend.

    As usual, a beautiful picture to match your words. You have a talent for finding the right picture. It’s almost as if you were part of a generation that understood the importance of album art.

    Hug and kisses and, of course, buttery toast for all!


  4. Suspended says:


    I wasn’t trying to be reserved with my affection.

  5. betty says:

    Max is king. Thank you.

  6. annemarie says:

    MAX IS KING xoxoxoxoxoxo

    And God bless your lovely friend.

  7. Dj says:

    Love you sister

  8. Miranda says:

    You’re extraordinary… I know Max knew this. I’ve felt this ever since I “met” him through your writing. So much love to you. Your husband is with you in your grief. He’s a blessing.

  9. Sister Wolf says:

    Suzanne – xoxoxo

    Ellio – Glad you like the tattoo! Getting mixed reactions but I love how it turned out.

    Suspended – Buttery toast + hugs = perfect contentment

    Betty – xoxoxo

    annemarie – xoxoxo

    Dj – xoxoxo

    Miranda – xoxoxo

  10. Kellie says:

    I cant believe it has been six years. The time, how it passes so fast, and yet so slow. I am so glad you haven’t given up. Max would never have wanted that for you.
    Sending good vibes and love, and toast with butter.


  11. Bevitron says:

    Max IS King!!

    I LOVE your tattoo. It is perfect on every level. I’m not much of an ink fan (generational thing, my father had old-school Navy tattoos, eeew), but the buttered toast is so wonderful.

    Much love.

  12. Marya says:

    I love you sister wolf. I’m sorry this anniversary exists. I know max loves your tattoo. I can see his sweet happy smile at your revealing of it. What a loving awesome friend you have. I’m sorry i missed the anniversary. I hope you come back to visit us soon. Xoxox

  13. Kim says:

    Long live Max.

  14. Diane says:

    A buttered toast tatt. Perfection. Sending you much love.

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