I’d like to get a book deal out of this but who knows. The satisfaction that white people seem to derive from seeing their superficiality and conformity mocked is hard to understand. And I’m too lazy to go check out that blog everyone’s so excited about. Fuck that, here’s mine, only it’s about Black People instead.
1. We love to hear them talk, expecially when they really Black it up, like Oprah does to perk things up occasionally. We like how animated they get, like when they move their necks. We LOVE “Oh no you di’int!”
2. We love the names they give their kids, and the cool spelling they apply to they own names, you know what I mean.
3. We love the way the men play sports and sing the blues. Muddy Waters, Lebron Something, I love them.
4. We love the way Black girls commit to the long press-on nails and the hair extentions.
5. We love the way Black people try to keep it real. They don’t need to use 27 clauses to order a cup of coffee. When a kid misbehaves, the mom will boldly offer to smack him or her, rather than sulk or argue.
6. We love it when their religious leaders tell the truth, even though it may lead some right wing morons to accuse Blacks of being rasict toward White America.
I personally love all kinds of stuff about Black people, and I thank god that they’re not always talking about their carbon footprints or the great deals they get at Costco. I’m voting for Obama no matter what his friends say about Whites or Jews or America’s history. I know that Michelle will be doing that neck thing as First Lady, and that’s good enough for me.