First, let me assure you that this won’t be about stuff I’m thankful for.
Although on Thanksgiving, I actually announced that I’m thankful for not being a dwarf. No offense to the dwarf community.
Otherwise no, not thankful, I’m too depressed for that kind of thinking.
My train of thought is very morbid lately, to the point that while sitting and watching TV one night, I imagined someone shooting me right between the eyes and it felt just and appropriate.
So in this state, I attended a Thanksgiving dinner with my extended family, at a local hotel.
I crafted the structure in the photo above, and that’s the first epiphany: Playing with food is fun and satisfying and I need to do more of it.
The second epiphany came later, hours after I had expounded on the JonBenet Ramsey murder and a more obscure and horrible true-crime story. It was after a discussion of how to debone rats. and a review of various cable TV shows that caused an outbreak of senility and confusion around the table about which was which.
So a loved one was recounting the reasons for a failed friendship that she was still mourning. After trying to be insightful, I added: “but what do I know, all my friends hate me.”
This led to someone noting that I was too aggressive in “interrogating” people. Whoa! I thought, this isn’t what I expected! I do like to ask questions, and I am persistent. I think of myself as having a lot of curiosity, but not actually obnoxious in my expression of interest.
I turned to another loved one and asked, “Do you think this about me??” And he said, “Well, I will say that you don’t like to leave well enough alone.”
So now, stoned and drunk as I was, I felt as though a curtain had been pulled away, to reveal that even the people who love me can’t stand me. I felt hurt and defensive.
I admitted that I don’t like to leave well enough alone. Why should I?? I thought and also said aloud.
My husband appeared and it was time to go home. I burst into tears as soon as we were outside. I explained that everyone hated me and as always, he was sweet and comforting as well as amused.
Epiphany #2 is: Don’t get yourself in a position to hear what people don’t like about you. Stay far away from that. It’s a road you don’t need to travel.
Epiphany #3 is: Even believing that the trait I most define as “Me” is exactly what people hate, I would never work on changing my behavior. Ever. So now I realize that my stubbornness is even more Me than that other shit.
NO WONDER EVERYONE HATES ME!
Epiphany #4 would be better if I had a photograph, but here it is: If you take five pats of butter and stand them in a group at certain intervals, you can balance a mini pumpkin on them!
It’s something about the distribution of weight that men seem to instinctively understand. I didn’t believe it would work, but my pretend-niece’s husband proved me wrong. It was a moment I will treasure forever.
So how was your Thanksgiving? Anything to report?
Ok, so, Epiphany #5: Being stoned makes you too introspective.
As much as I love it, I hate the crushing self doubt that it always ends up giving me, especially when others get critical (opinions are like arseholes and there are too many of them in my family/circle.) The realisations always feel so deeply authentic, too. They aren’t.
Epiphany #6: you clearly have a husband that loves you, loves the things that others might have an issue with, loves you enough to take time for you when you are hurt. Builds you back up. Having one person in this world that ‘gets you’ and has your back…well, you know what that’s worth.
You don’t need anyone else or their useless opinions (except me and mine.) 😛
Happy Thanksgiving, Sis. Love to you from across the pond xoxo
This thing about about de-boning rats sounds as if it may have serious consequences for the coming era of cannibalism. Any tips or tricks you’d care to share?
I love you so much
I like that about you.
My thanksgiving was boring this year and I’m ok with that. My senile grandparents didn’t say anything shitty on a personal or political level and I did not get into a fight with my dad (on the actual day).
Once, just after graduating from college, I visited Boulder and lit candles outside of JonBenet’s house at 3 am. I was pretty unhinged around that time…
Looking forward to reading about the obscure crime story.
After reading about Kelli Stapleton … I regret saying I was looking forward to reading the account. Awful. 🙁
Joanne, I have nothing to say about Thanksgiving, too long a story to tell here. Suffice it to say that because of a broken home growing up and two feuding families, it was never my favorite Holiday. I am curious about your theory on the JonBenet Ramsey case. Whodunnit? The father? Sexual? The brother, sexual or an innocent game? Or a real stranger breaking in through the basement. What is your proof and how certain are you of your theory? Thanks, Tom
Well, it had to be somebody in the house. It snowed that night and there were no tracks in the snow.
What about the note that appeared?
There was a stomach virus going around and I was really hoping that it would take me down and I wouldn’t have to participate in Thanksgiving. I despise this holiday and all of the thankful/grateful/blessed people. I call fakery on all of them. I for one feel grotesque having so much when others don’t. I can barely eat sometimes thinking of all the sadness, poor kids, old people alone, struggling parents. It overwhelms me every year. I just simply hate it.
I hate the Thanksgiving ritual of telling the other dinner attendees what one is thankful for before beginning to eat. I just want to eat before my food gets cold. I don’t care what others are thankful for and I usually make something up. This year, the dinner didn’t include that ritual.
Your family may not like you but others do. Create your own family that loves you like most gay people of a certain age did when their families disowned them. Family doesn’t have to be biological.
Everybody loves you, nobody hates you. All of us in this world are subject to being misunderstood or having our feelings hurt, at times.
I don’t know if your inquisitive nature is obnoxious. But isn’t it a form of unconditional love if your friends know your most horrible bits and remain your friends anyway?
I am thankful that we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here in Australia. All this fake people around me being grateful for ordinary things and crap in life would be too much to bear.What people think about me?Mostly hate me which is fine with me.You have husband who is absolutely divane.My husband is O.K but he asks me not to be opposite when we visit.
Suspended – Again .. never leave me.
Romeo – No but it was stomach-turning.
Maxine – Ditto, mommy.
Ali – Wow, exciting JonBenet story! So sorry about that other one.
Thomas – The brother. He hated her and smacked her in the head with a big flashlight.
Andra – The mom wrote the note to protect the brother, who was only 10 years old!
Emily – Yeah, it’s kind of gross at this point to have a feast. I totally hear you on this.
Richard – It’s such a stupid ritual. I’m glad you could skip it this year. Me, I have taken my husband’s family, and many of them seem to like/love me, thank christ.
Mr. Picodogg – You are my whole thing. See Suspended’s Epiphany #6.
De boning rats while de boning the turkey? Multitasking!
Sister, you are above normal, above average and unique. I find I have to rein in things I want to blurt out at deserving mooks, but I have learned not to. What I really hate is when there is someone in a group/family who gets a pass because ” oh, that’s just the way he/she is.” If I was always the way I CAN be it would be chaos. Stay human. Don’t waste one minute on analyzing other people’s reactions to you. At our age it is just too damn bad if people choose to misunderstand us. I dont give two shits.
Yes, thanksgiving is a ridiculous anachronistic holiday…I hate the term “blessed”, I hate the throngs of travelers, hate Black Friday, hate the whole scene. But I have to say I love the food, actually too much to play with it!
Don’t be depressed, it’s not worth it and it causes wrinkles. Blue teddy bears…
Dj – Yep, the “blessed” thing is probably the worst new trend in memory. It’s truly a deal-breaker. If you use that word with me, I hate you.
Beannie – That is the hope, yes!
Hope Australia – Haha, good reason to be thankful! I like your attitude about being hated. I welcome hate, I guess, just not from people who really know me.
Can I add one more that is so unsettling and cringe inducing? When you tell someone “I love you”and they say “I Love you more”. Wtf is that? Do you then say “No,no–l love Yooouuuu more”ad infinitum….