If you had a crazy mother, you will spend your whole life trying to transcend it. If you are a crazy mother, no degree of remorse will ease your heavy heart.
My mom was crazy. Even into her forties, my sister was ashamed to let anyone find out. Whenever I meet someone with a crazy mom, I feel an instant kinship, even if their childhood experience was nothing like mine. The burden of a crazy mom sets you apart. You missed out on something that you can barely imagine. But you struggle to forgive her.
I know people who were locked in closets, hit, threatened, screamed at, abandoned, and I know a woman whose mom killed herself on Mother’s Day, knowing her three daughters would find her with a plastic bag over her head.
If your mom was crazy, none of this will shock you. I’m more shocked when an adult friend tells me about a nice day she just had, shopping with her mom. It seems almost otherworldly. How do you get a normal mom, a mom who isn’t either enraged or crying?!?
While PAP Smear takes a break, I’m embarking on a Crazy Mothers Club. We might have a logo, but probably not. Maybe just a secret handshake.
Was (or is) your mom crazy? Here is a place you can talk about it. Rant, complain, whine, and compare notes. Are you a crazy mom? You can confess, seek counsel, or just bond with other crazy moms. No one gets to be mean to anybody else, i.e., bad vibes will not be tolerated.
Since I fit both categories, I get to be CEO. Annemarie will do the PR and heavy lifting. All other positions are open.
Oh, thank heavens I’m not alone….I won’t take up any more space but yep, mine was and is a nutter too. Self-centered, martyred in her own mind, endlessly competitive with me, given to humiliating sexual teasing and gross comments and – since Obama won the election – screeching racist, anti-whoever/whatever tirades. Big fat ball of hatred with a 1960s bouffant.
I don’t really give a shit any longer. She tormented me for 35+ years, but one day I took a look at her when she was ranting about blacks, Jews, etc. and realized that she was an ignorant, unbalanced mental case and not worth my brain time. This has been very liberating because it’s allowed me to realize that I “should” love her, but don’t really feel anything at all (have not in a long, long time), and that not feeling for someone abusive is OK. I’m very, very, very sorry to say that when she’s gone I doubt I’ll miss her, and suspect I’ll feel some relief in being free of the boiling hatred.
Bob – my mom told me once that my dad was “a crap product of incest” (which he wasn’t) and giggled. Then told me that I better get a genetic test because “I bet you’re all screwed up inside.” NUTS. People who say things like that aren’t even human they’re so nuts. That day was probably one of the days when I stopped feeling anything at all for her.
you know what’s sad? that when i read this the first time around, i didn’t join because i was terrified my mother would find me spilling all our family’s dirty secrets online and i was scared of what she would do. and i’m also paranoid she’s reading this right now. sorry mom.
The crazies that are in families come down through the line like rain. I can see it on both sides of my mother and father. They were both crazy in different ways. My sibs and I were beat like most kids when we misbehaved, but that wasn’t the worst part – it was the mental abuse. She liked to make fun of my sensitive nature by saying that when the football team huddled, I would think they are talking about me. All her jokes were at somebody else’s expense. Usually mine. I am extremely paranoid to this day. My father was also crazy, but that’s for another day. The apple does not fall far from the tree, that’s why the redemption process through trust and faith in God is important for the ‘survivor’ and as many have said here, psychoanalysis should always be considered.
God. 2 years + late to the party, but it feels good to join this club!
I’m afraid to tell people in my real life how crazy my mother was, lest they judge me or think me unlovable or unstable because some of her has ‘rubbed off on me.’ And some of it has, rest assured. But at least I’m trying to fix it and find some semblance of mental balance. I don’t think she was a bad person per se, but an incredibly jealous and insecure woman, with undiagnosed psychiatric issues. Maybe I’m just not able to say she was/is a bad person yet!
The years and year of opening my mail, snooping in my room/car/bag/wallet, wails of martyrdom and playing my sisters off against one another has certainly taken a toll on our relationship, as well the relationships I share with my siblings (we are trying to rebuild them at the moment, but it’s a two steps forward, one step back scenario). One sister is in and out of hospital with anorexia, the other has run far, far away. .
I’m naturally the sort of unpleasant individual who likes to call people on their bullshit, so you can guess which of us she directs the most vitriol towards. Mentally I began to distance myself from her the day she screamed at me for not telling her that I had started my period (I had stayed over at a friends that night, so told my friend and her mother, who in turn called my mother). She then told me sanitary napkins were disgusting, held me down on the bed and forcefully inserted a tampon into me. I was 13.
Ha, I’ve never shared that with anyone before (too many gross/shameful associations), but reading back on that, what a cunt move on her part.
I still see her regularly, but it’s with many an internal eyeroll and an intention to ignore the bulk of what she says.
Thanks for the venting space!
I don’t know how I missed Bob’s comment! Bob, I hope and pray you’re out there somewhere, alive and kicking. Depression can be helped, though i know what a struggle it is. If you read this, let me know, xo
Somebody – Your experience sounds terrifying but familiar. You are right to be angry. Your ability to forgive your mom is evidence that your compassion is intact, and that you survived. DOn’t worry…you’re YOU, not her.
MJ – It’s healthy and appropriate to untangle yourself from a crazy abusive mother. It’s hard to love someone like this, and there’s no reason to try. I know what you’ve gone through.
alittlelux – You’re safe here. I’ll protect you, xo
aweebit – Your mum sounds like my dad. The cruelty is hard to comprehend, now that I’m a parent. I’m glad you are finding redemption.
Clara – Your mom needed to be on meds. It’s not your fault! There is no shame in being a helpess child. As you see, you’re not alone. Look how many of us are stumbling around, trying to process this shit. I’m glad you found your way here to vent.
I have a crazy mom but I had a crazier father. My mom is still in my life and I understand why she was so crazy, she was combating my crazy father who stalked me. My mom got down and dirty and protected me. And while this makes her crazy I love her a bunch. Point of reference: My mother making pay bills at the age of 14 (when we lived in a rich county) and allowing my father to ciphen 10,000 dollars out of my college fund. There wasn’t much hitting unless I was a real smart mouth but the pyscological abuse was rampant. Everything from I am not skinny enough to I need to play a certain sport to make my mom look good.
It was rough realizing that both of my parents had problems because I grew up thinking they were normal and that although they didn’t live together I was normal. It was hard for me to look outside of my situation and see all the “normal” families. I picked up a nice drinking habit at a young. Thanks to friends I feel happier and healthier.
Can I say it was really weird spilling my guts online and it felt good. I hope that those that need help can receive it. I was also comforted by what some of the commentors and Sister Wolf had to say. Thanks a bunch!
As a mother who is realizing that my daughter is finding me ’embarrassing’ and maybe ‘crazy’ I read these comments looking for confessions of crazy mothers. There aren’t any! I am, however, realizing that I am no where near any of this craziness to be counted as a crazy mom that I was fearing of becoming.
I’ve always been one to not fit in with most of the people around me but never cared about others approval. Having two girls (10 and 12), and speaking my mind when it’s inconvenient for the situation is getting to be more and more embarrassing for my 12 year old. I do not look for confrontations but I am just not afraid of them if it’s necessary. It bothers me to see how upsetting it was to her when I yell back at the bullying woman who lives across from their school where I pick them up. The more she begs me to stop the more I angry I get. It isn’t as if she is a shy child herself. With her increasing ‘mama please’ when I speak up for what I perceive as injustice or standing up for my rights I am beginning to fear that I might be a “crazy mother’ in her eyes.
Please, can we have some input from the crazy mothers out there? You know who you are, or am I the only crazy mother-in-waiting?
Joy D – If feels good and it is good! I’m glad you’re here.
ismecrazy – Very good idea. I’m definitely a crazy mother. I’ll get us some input. xo
My moms so nutters it gives me high blood pressure just to think about. She was a hoarder, a bit of a whore who let me watch her having sex with various men, never cooked or cleaned, we went through periods without running water, threw me down a flight of steps once, verbally traumatized me on a daily basis, etc. etc. etc. We weren’t really poor, by the way. She made a good living, but she was just lazy or depressed or crazy or some combination of the three.
I remember wishing she would die. I actually remember having a conversation with my highschool boyfriend about different ways I would fantisize about her dying. She is a police officer and worked nights, and I used to wait and hope for the phonecall that someone had fatally shot her while on duty. I felt trapped before I moved out and left for college. I still feel trapped now whenever she calls. I feel myself shrinking into a little girl whenever she calls to berate me, and I’m so tired of bursting into tears after every conversation we have. It’s absurd that at 24 and after 6 years out of her house of horrors, she’s still able to make me burst into tears after just a phone conversation. I really hate her and how she’s screwd me up. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me, but our relationship is still pretty screwed up since I have no idea what a functional family life looks like. I have no friends, I notice her crazy start to come out in me whenever I get too close to someone. I hate her.
I wana kill myself sometimes. I used to say that jokingly all the time, but I’m crying as I write this because I don’t think I’m joking at all anymore.
Dawn – Listen: You are not your mother! You don’t have tao live her life, either. It’s understandable that you would have problems with trust, since your trust was betrayed at an early age.
Have you tried Al Anon or something like that…people who had a traumatic childhood can be very supportive of one another and offer comfort and suggestions.
Don’t even think of suicide. You are very young and things will change, I PROMISE. If you ever find yourself seriously considering it, call 1-800-273-8255, the national suicide prevention hotline.
You can always write to me at sisterwolf666@gmail.com. I’m no therapist but I had a crazy mother and I understand. Stay strong! xo
my mom is a crazy bitch !!!
i cant do anything without her sreaming at me and grounding me
im 15 and she is a control freak
she yells at me for coming home 10 minutes late , when i dont call , and the worst part is when i stay up late and she will take away my laptop for a week
did i mention its summer so i can stay up late
i have a boyfriend who i never get to see because my mom hardly lets me see him for over 2 hours
she always talks about trying to connect with me
yeah well thats never going to happen because im going to fricken shun her out of my life im done with her bullshit ,i just want a normal life where i dont have her breathing down my neck every minute
Honestly, my mom always thinks I look down at her and she gets mad at me for it. She always takes things seriously and scream at my face when she’s mad, I get mad how paranoid she really is. I think it’s due to lack of friends that she has and plus, I know that she has a very crude personality for hating people at a first impression. Honestly, I’m really getting tired of her and her idiotic arguments with me thinking that I disrespect/look down at her.
Count me into the club.
MY MOM IS CRZY AND MEAN. TIRED OF IT ALL. FINALLY CUT HER OFF. NOT TALKING TO HEAR ANYMORE TIRED OF THE MENTAL ABUSE
no faith – It’s so hard to be 15 with a difficult (crazy) mom. You can always come here to rant if there’s no normal adult around to offest your mother. Best blessings, xoxo
Joseph – Welcome, your’e in good company. Hang in there. xo
MEL – Good. Nobody should accept abuse, even if it means staying away from your mother. You need to take care of yourself, and people don’t change until they want to.
My mother is crazy still today and she is 60. I don’t think I ever overcame the embarrassment of her. I know this blog is really old and no one will probably ever read it. MY mother sent me an email for mother’s day about how I lack compassion for her. My mother has been married seven times, left me at 14 months old with the man she says she is afraid of. of course my mother has already killed her own father (my grandfather) before I was born. She fears nothing. She told me it was a shock factor that she killed her dad. Oh MY GOD. She has now lied to her family and says my grandmother has Alzheimer. She doesn’t they wouldn’t take her at a nursing home. So she begged a government agency to put her in assisted living. Nothing she does surprises me. I know that the relationship with her has really impacted my life.
A non-mom is my mom. A cat-like skitish creature that is scared most of the time. She astonishes family when she leaps out from behind corners hissing and scratching when she even THINKS anyone is threatening her. Don’t come near her cookies or candy or confront her with anything!!
Could be that some past trauma has ruined her life, but she’s not talking. Cats like her don’t use words – they hiss, slash and run.
My mom is crazy in a paranoid bipolar personality sense. To make it clearer, for most of my young life she told me that my friends were not friends at all, but “enemies” who wanted to humiliate me. Then around thirteen to twenty, she deemed by brother and I as “going off the edge”, which means drugs and sex according to her. Keep in mind, both my brother and I were star athletes and near straight A students who were also tutoring and working on the side. If we didn’t win an athletic competition we were grounded, and I got a B on a test once when I was in 3rd grade. I sat out on the porch crying and wondering if I should run away from home in shame, when I told her my thoughts she said “Good, you should run away” and then locked me out of the house.
She also liked to slap us once in a while and laughed if we flinched. One of her favorite hobbies is singing songs to the dogs about how much she hates us and how we ruined her life. She also likes to say loudly how she wished she never married or had us. But, randomly she would get into good moods and is suddenly nice…she’s never consistent.
For the paranoia part, it’s mostly targeted at me. She believes that I am trying to seduce my father, so she and my brother will be cut out of the will and I gain all of the inheritance. No joke! She has also accused me of having an affair with my father since I was 16. When any of this is repeated back to her, she acts as if she has never said it and that she has done no wrong to us. The only thing she regrets is that we are not religious, but how can we be when she complains about the priest during church and if we do anything to make her mad she drives away without us and we have to walk home.
Paula’s Daughter: I read it. My heart goes out to you. Of course she has impacted your life! understanding that she is sick may bring you some solace. I hope so. xoxo
Mathematical – I hope you can get away from her. She really needs help, but she seems too sadistic for your well-being. Please get the hell away from her and let me know how you’re doing. xoxo
I have after many years diagnoed my mother with Borderline Personality Disorder or to put it simply, she is a sadistic, manipulative, crazy bitch. She is also 85 and just been in a car accident which has her with a broken hip, etc. This woman CANNOT live with my family when it is time to get out of rehab. Any suggestions other than the obvious solution….
Im in with bells on…..Jewish nutjob momma who became Uniting Church minister, got married 11 times (namechanges so frequent that when she was dying in hospital, I could not tell receptionist at hospital desk what my mothers last name was..), who drank herself to an early death (53) and told me that she did not believe that beating me so badly as a kid that I was made a ward of the state and put in a childrens home was not her problem, as she had “Left the broken pieces of me at the base of the True Cross”….?!? Mkay. Her last words to me were “At least you have a brain, cause you’ll never get by on your looks”…words to treasure….And Sister Wolf? Thankyou for your honesty and humour…I always knew I was just fine, wierdness and all…and after checking out Sea of Shoes etc etc…..Im not just fine..Im rocking it!! Peace…Respect…and thankyou
My mother is completely psychotic, she’s competitive and moody and self-centered. She makes everything into a condescending joke, belittling and sharing personal/humiliating things about me with other people. When I try to call her on it, she tells me to lighten up and stop taking myself so seriously!
I’m 22 now and recently moved back home in a new country and feel so alone, I have no friends to talk about my problems and she always gets my father to take her side. She is petty and immature and overly dramatic, does things and starts fights without thinking about the implications and the actions of what she says and expects me to apologize the next day. She holds the fact that I’m living in her house to an advantage and nothing is ever good enough for her, if I could have it my way I’d be out of this place!
When I was younger she once cut off my hair with kitchen scissors and made me wear it to school like that, she dug her nails into my skin until marks appeared and she threatened to leave me on the side of the road and drive off….she didn’t because a couple walking by asked her if everything was alright. Every time I bring up these incidents as an adult, she tells me I ‘imagined them’ and that they never happened. Whenever I would do anything to upset her, she’d tell me she regretted the day I was born and should have cut off my tongue to stop me from speaking back to her.
I want to be a better mother when I have kids
Julie – SOunds like my own mom in some ways. I am ready and willing to diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder. You can google this term and see if it fits.
Your mother has huge mental problems and she will probably always refuse to recall the truth about how she treated you. In her mind, she needs to see herself as a goo mother…she may even see herself as victimized by YOU, cuz that’s what Borderlines do.
It sounds like she compulsively undermines you at every opportunity. If you can’t move out just yet, protect you mental health by taking to a counselor or social worker or some child abuse hotline.
Read up on BPD, so you can view her behavior with insight instead of pure misery.
YOu will do better as a mom because you know exactly what not to do.
xoxoxo
Steel Magnolia – So sorry for not getting back to you. What happened???? I don’t blame you for your decision to keep her at a distance.
Hi all,
I discovered this blog a few months back after a particularly bad spell with my psyscho mom found me online in frustration, searching for an outlet, and I read and read and enjoyed (if that is the right word?) not that all of you have had to go through what I have, but at least that there are others out there who can understand. And believe me, I understand and my heart bleeds for all of you, as it does for myself.
Before I elaborate on my own problems, after reading the above recent posts about borderline personality disorder, I wanted to offer up the following website that I found immensely interesting: http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/understanding-the-borderline-mother/. It’s an excerpt from a book about borderline mothers that I haven’t managed to get from the library yet but maybe we all should read.
So, from the website, my mom is a hermit with strong shades of queen, who vacillates between witch and waif in weaker high-stress moments. She’s in her 60’s now and has been getting steadily worse in self-control (if she ever had any) and becoming more of a monster the past several years. I’m terrified that the process seems to be speeding up as she gets older. And, considering they say the good die young, she will probably live to be 110 and I’ll have to support her in her old age.
That is not to say that she hasn’t tried to be a good mom. In some way she loves me a lot, and has always tried to show her love by buying me things and giving me presents. Or by controlling every facet of my life. Of course, another My Little Pony (when I was young) or another dress or pair of shoes or nice meal (now that I’m 27) really doesn’t make up for the mental scars I receive when she stresses out about something (which might even be as small as misplacing the case for her glasses), winds up blaming me, rants and raves and screams that I must have moved them, and she can never find stuff b/c of all my “shit” around (must add here that she’s a bit of a hoarder and my dad and I are drowning in the stuff she compulsively buys or more likely the piles of magazines or newspaper articles she compulsively clips which are now in stacks in the basement, under our beds, on the sofa, etc., etc.. Btw, I’m a bit of a neatness OCD, mostly because I didn’t want to grow up to be like her and hate the density of the crap in her house, so my stuff is DEFINITELY not making things a mess), and eventually winds up in a rant of what a horrible daughter I am, how I’m so hard on her, how I think her house is a mess (even if I try never to say so), how everything in her life is so miserable, how she wishes I were a sweet little girl again (instead of an adult who can’t help but judge her, she can see me doing it even if i never verbalize it), and the rant might or might not devolve into the point of anger where she tells me that no wonder I’m not dating anyone/engaged/married because I’m such a mean person that no man would ever take me, or that I’m dead to her and she’s sitting shiva for me (she’s nominally Jewish, which adds lots of cultural crazy genes right there. Btw, she’s sat shiva for me, which would mean mourning me as if I’m dead to her, at least 8 times throughout my life), or that I’ve ruined her life (variation on this is that my dad did, which is still my fault because she stayed with him for my sake), etc., etc.
At least that’s the normal package of crazy dysfunctionalness. Lately she’s been getting more physical. Tonight she got stressed because of something one of the cats did which was attributed as my fault b/c it’s my cat, and she hit my arm hard. Normally I’m pretty good at ignoring her crap so as to not escalate things (seriously, it means almost nothing to me when someone swears at me because I’m so used to her calling me names like “little bitch” and “cunt” all while I was growing up), but sometimes I just snap, esp. when she gets physical. After all, the emotional/psychological scars you can hide (sometimes). The physical stuff is a little harder. So tonight I ended up grabbing her really rough and yelling at her that if she ever touched me again I would seriously take her out. Bad idea. Next thing I know a few mins later when I was doing something else something hard hit me in the back of the head. The coward had thrown a frozen popsicle she was going to eat at me when I wasn’t looking. They’re not kidding when they say that BPD people’s emotional growth really stops between the ages of 8 and 12. In fact, I would have sworn that there was a 60-year old woman going through her terrible two’s. So of course the fight escalated into a nightmare, and the horrible thing is that if not by tomorrow morning than by the following one she will be acting as if everything’s fine and like she’s completely forgotten the situation, and the rest of us will have to carry the burden of acting along and pretending everything’s alright until the next blowup occurs. If that doesn’t make her crazy, I don’t know what would.
Yeah, so some other stuff–back when I was a teen unable to control my hormones or my emotions, she and I would occasionally get into slapping/hitting fights because she could control her emotions even less than I could, and I was unable to conceive yet that she was a pathetic person with an emotional and psychological problem and that my responses weren’t and would never alter the situation because you can’t help someone who refuses to acknowledge they have a problem and who refuses to help themselves. Those incidences were rare, but the more damaging ones were the constant flipping back and forth of her emotions, loving me as her only child one moment whom she was so proud of (I was a straight-A student, involved in a million extracurriculars, fairly attractive, etc.) and seriously fifteen minutes later hating me and telling me I was a worthless unlovable ingrate because I did something stupid that upset her. Which might have been as simple as accidentally leaving the lights on in the bathroom after I had left the room or forgetting to set the VCR to tape one of her shows. *sigh* To this day I have real trust issues, especially with men, and am a bit loathe letting most people except for a few close girlfriends get close to me and know the real situation. I blame most of that on her. I am also ridiculously independent, to the detriment of some friendships and relationships, because she has always been so nagging and controlling of me. When I was young it mostly revolved around making me do homework for countless hours (she didn’t need to; I’m a type-A overachiever anyway), trying to control who my friends were (she hates religious Christians but we were living in a mostly-religious-Christian place so hated those Christian friends of mine who were and are really nice people), etc. Nowadays I’ve lived away mostly for the past ten years but find myself back here at intervals and she still treats me like I’m 12, insists on knowing where and when I’m going with whom, tells me a million times a day to wash my hands (she’s gotten really cleanliness OCD the past few years), insists when it’s cold I need to wear more layers or when it’s around meal times that I need to eat more or different things (as if I’m not an adult who can’t regulate my own temperature or food intake), has opinions on my boyfriends/friends/activities/etc., all of which she finds problems with, and when I try not to tell her stuff she says I’m hiding things and keeps prying. She’s been involved in both my painful breakups after long-term relationships, mostly because during that time I was still learning how not to internalize her treatment and behave towards others like that. I will always be haunted by what my first serious college boyfriend said shortly before we broke up after an episode where she’d been stalking us and I got frustrated and lashed out at him to leave me alone too. He said, “An image just flashed through my mind of us in twenty years and I see myself having been browbeaten down like your mother did to your father. I don’t want to become that.” He was a good guy, but one who couldn’t understand the situation and my reaction, having come from a normal family, but it was at that point that I finally saw how much I had internalized and realized I NEVER EVER wanted to become my mother and started the process of reversing those internalized attitudes and behaviors.
Basically I’ve come to view my mother as a miserable person who nonetheless doesn’t want to escape her own misery because she’s forgotten how to live without being unhappy and is scared to find out how life would look otherwise. I feel sorry for her, and not only because she suffers from horrible chronic pain after several car accidents the past many years which exacerbates her personality problems. I used to attribute her depression, horrible nagging, and other behaviors to this chronic pain, but more recently after talks with my uncle (her brother) and my dad who knew her before the accidents, I have learned that even when she very young she was incredibly insecure because her father ignored her in favor of his sons and her mother was too busy working to pay her attention. My uncle says even then she used to magnify any illness she had to get attention. My dad tells me she used to overreact even before they were married, such as one time when her luggage was lost on a flight when she was visiting him and he bought her new clothes to surprise her, she flipped out and started yelling at him that he had no taste and the clothes were hideous. No thanks, just attacks. I wouldn’t have married her, but I guess I should be glad he did because I’m here now. Though of course I have been through times in my life where I wished I weren’t here anymore at all, thanks mom. 😛 So yeah, mostly I feel sorry for her because she got a bit of a shitty lot in life, but has added to it by creating a lot of her problems herself. I imagine most of our crazy mothers are hurting someway or just ill in the head so we can’t blame them fully for their own behaviors.
Anyway, I know this has been long, but in conclusion I wanted to say that happily by framing my thoughts about her in this way, mostly that she is pathetic and miserable person and only lashes out at others because of her own internal pain, I have gotten to a much better mental place and mostly feel sorry for her, though I can’t help hating her sometimes. Some of my favorite coping mechanisms are just getting away (like I said, normally live at least 800 miles away, and I don’t give her my work number or many other means of contacting me), not responding, being super rational so she can’t really argue with fact/logic, changing the subject, giving her presents (since that’s the way she shows and understands emotion), or when all else fails, deflecting her anger onto something else. I haven’t cut her out of my life completely yet b/c my dad still lives with her and has health problems (probably at least party due to the stress of having her in his life) and I owe it to him to still come by to see him and not leave him alone dealing with the mess she is. But I agree with others above that sometimes you have to make that break final for your own health and that of others. I mean, if/when I have kids, I don’t think I want them being around that, so it might become time for some tough decisions to be made…
Anyway, thanks for listening and best luck to all of you in dealing with your sad, crazy moms. It is NEVER your fault, and if you do lash out/lash back as I sometimes do, it only means you’re human. Like Sister Wolf, I’m here if anyone needs to share/talk.
Surviving – Listen. You need to be kinder to yourself AND to stay away from your mother until you can genuinely feel more detached and able to view her as mentally ill.
You CANNOT let yourself react when she pushed your buttons. Since she is capable of physical aggression, I wish you would call social services in her community and tell them what’s going on. Jewish Family Services would be great if they have an office somewhere in her city.
She is nuts, just like my mother and a lot of the ones described in these comments. But you must transcend this legacy of craziness, through therapy, meds, whatever means you can find.
Don’t be a human sacrifice to your mother. Social services can help your dad too.
Even though I’m an atheist, I am saying a prayer for you. Look back on that innocent little girl you were and praise her strength and survival skills. Then, stay away from your mother. xo
I’ve got a crazy ass mom. She let my brother molest me for years and
PROTECTED HIM. She still protects him. On my wedding day the crazy bitch yelled at me.. never said I looked beautiful.. I love you or nothing!! She then proceeded to have a space case look the whole wedding! So a month into my new marriage she filed for divorce from my dad. She put a restraining order on me and claimed” I beat her for years and emotionally abused her.” So instead of getting to enojoy my new marriage I had to defend myself in court… Oh did I mention she teamed up with the guy who molested me, my brother? Also told people my dad was the one who molested me… which wasn’t true considering I remember the molestation and was 13 when it stopped. It stopped because I got stronger and defended myself. Did my mom defend me?? NO!!!! Should she of?? YES!!.. So flash forward 2 1/2 years to now.. She is going into places I do business and asking where I live. I moved so I could get away from her!! Oh yeah during the past two and 1/2 years she has put large nails behind my tires and came to my old house with a blanket around her head and sunglasses on.. it was 10 at night!! Dark!! We pulled up to her with the blanket around her head… She took off!! The list goes on and on.. My brother held a gun to my face when I was 19.. She asked me what I did to provoke him?? Does that sound like a nutjob or what??!!??
I love suggesting to my friends that we have a “Come as Your Mother” Party, where everyone would be required to be in character as there own mother. My experience has been that my suggestion is always met with shock and horror. The usual retort goes: “That’s too weird” or “I couldn’t handle that!” So the next time you and your friends are trying to come up with a theme party throw out my idea; see how many of your friends have crazy mama syndrome!
So, so mad. I’m 22 and trying to figure things out, trying not to be unhappy like my mother. I meditate and read Buddhist self help books and do yoga up the wazoo. But when I get home to my mother, I find that I’m not happy unless she’s happy. And it’s hard for her to be happy with a 12 year old daughter with a mood disorder and a son with ADHD. Also, my stepfather is a baby. Like, he can’t make pizza for his son because he wants to read books on Foucault. And I get so mad. I get so mad at them, because they give her such a hard time. And then I get so mad at her, because then she throws things at my little brother and sister, and tells them that they ruined her life, and I try to defend them and then she lashes out at me. Tonight she told me to “Fuck off.” I felt like I was back in middle school, with those mean girls who made me feel like I wasn’t worth anything.
I don’t know what to do. I just want to make things right. I want to make my mother calm, and make her feel good about her life. She has food, a house, a good job, lots of nice clothes. And it’s not adding up, and I want to show her she can find her peace. But I have to go back to college, and have my routine there. Sometimes I just want to live at home and shield my younger siblings from what I experienced.
What can I do? I feel so young, but so old from everything that I’ve experienced.
At the crossroads – Ah, so much for you to worry abut! But you can’t solve this…you can only resolve to take good care of yourself and not let your mom’s problems derail you from your own life.
Your mom needs some help, probably some meds to stabilize her mood or m aybe something for depression. Her kids problems and your dad’s refusal to help out, may be too much stress for her.
It’s not okay for her to be abusive to the kids. Do you have a counseling office at college where you can seek support? I think that’s your first step.
You CANNOT make your mom happy, so don’t get sucked into a futile effort to do that. I know you want to but she needs to find some inner strength and not take out her frustration of you kids.
I’m rooting for you so get some help from a school counselor or a social worker who can guide you. Love and blessings, xoxo
I get so pissed off with living with my mum.
I worked for 5 years in a hardware store, but witnessed one of my best mates die on the shop floor with a heart anurism – it was awful, the noise of a man fighting for his breath still plagues my memories today and some nights i struggle to sleep too. After this traumatic event i tried to slit my wrists but failed… despite spending 4 hours trying, i don’t why but i couldnt seem to get the knife in deep enough. I had no sympathy at all during this time from my mother, she would just say ” your too sensitive, stop being a girl!” – it was only my boss from my job that interverned when collegues become aware of my scars on my arm and my chronic depressed state. I was appointed a counciller and signed off work for 4 months with major depression, which was so bad that i shyed away from social situations, fell out with friends on purpose, and had extremely low self-esteem. Despite all of this i tried to learn html/css and abit of javascript and made websites to distract me from thoughts of killing myself which id would get about 6 times a day.
I was in complete isolation, and when i tried to go out to my local pub with my dad i found it hard to connect with people as i had lost all social skills. When my counciler said “how would feel about going back to work? it will be a good distraction away from your thought and you will be able to build your socail skills up.” i replied “Yes i think so too, its just to be honest i cant go back to work there after everything thats happened ive got to many bad memories attatched to that place.” My counciler completely understood and reccomended that i found another job with the help of suffolk employment care, which she refered me to. My mother was furiated that i was finishing with my place of work and she wouldnt drop it and let me move on and said ” why dont you go back there” and “stop being sensitive!” She couldnt seem to grasp how upset i was and this would always end up with auguements over the dinner table when i was at my weakiest and just wanted her to be supportive towards me.
I did eventually find a job as a waiter in a local pub which i was enjoying but had to be let go after 3 weeks because they didnt have the hours. My depression started to worsen again, even with the medication ( citalopram 20mg) the thoughts of suicide started to come back. I knew i had to get back into work somehow so a mates dad suguested i worked for him as a door canvasser – ( in case you don’t know what that is, its basically someone who walks from door to door saying ” would you like a free price non-obligratory price qoute on our range of pvc doors and conservatorys?) which was ok but it was costing me a fortune in transport and despite getting 12 leads in a week i didnt get payed a penny out of my promised £400!
Anyhow that leads me to my present situation, im currently unemployed and searching for any type of job i can get with the whole time my mum having a go at me or purposely acting awcward around me and raising her voice to shout at my dad about me when im upstairs. What ive been doing recentely is going into town on the weekends in the afternoon through to early hours the following morning to get away from her, but as soon as a walk in she starts having a go about how im ruining my life and she will kick me out the house soon because she cant watch as a destroy myself. If it wasnt for her being so horrible towards me then i would stay in on the weekends, but she makes me feel like she doesnt want me around. Ok maybe im too old to be living at home but if thats how she feels why doesnt she just kick me out rather then making idle threats and trying to make me feel guitly for everything i do. Im not trying to take the piss but i try so hard everyday to get a job and get some money behind me even when im serouisly depressed and cant think about anything apart from suicide, i still get my ass out of bed a go to the job centre. i dont know what the answer is… But this helps a little bit to express myself.
I have a crazy Grandmother who is obsessed with her religion because she thinks everything is sin. So I’m gonna tell you what she thinks sin. 1. she thinks dancing is sin because you move you body around. 2. Thinks eating pork is sin because she thinks if you eat Ribs and Steak She says that you’ll kill yourself. And that’s all I wanted to say.
i have a crazy mother. i think something is seriously wrong with her. growing up in this household, there was a lot of screaming, yelling, and tears. she never listened to me, never understood, never empathized, she was so mean and cruel, and completely self-centered, self-absorbed. she is irrational…and there is such difficulty trying to talk to an irrational person…how do you argue with a false reality?
when i was being bullied at school, i came home and told my mother….and she told me i must have done something to cause it! that made me cry even more because now, not only was i bullied, i had caused it and didn’t even know what i had done. consequently, i grew up with low self-esteem and low self-worth. i was afraid of everything and could barely function as an adult…..no one was there for me. no support.
i went through years of depression, anxiety, and hurt. then after i got a job, she expected me to completely support her financially! she said she worked so hard as a parent….even though she was either emotionally absent or emotionally abusive. to this day she shames me, blames me, throws temper tantrums, gets angry, has a nasty temper, nothing i do is ever good enough for her. it’s always about her, it’s never my turn to have any feelings, thoughts, concerns. i feel like i have to be constantly paying her tribute, giving her attention, or catering to her demands. it’s driving me crazy.
i really think there is something terribly wrong with her.
on top of that, i think she lies to me, and she’s manipulative. she manipulates to get what she wants – and if she doesn’t get her way, she will slam the door, bang cupboards, lock herself in her room, bang dishes, stomp her feet, hiss under her breath, and act like she’s being victimized. it’s like dealing with a child….there is such completely lack of emotional maturity.
i also think she expects me to sacrifice my life to cater to her needs, wants, and providing for her, afterall, isn’t that what she had me for?
she lacks self-awareness, doesn’t connect her actions, words, and behavior to resulting outcomes. and thinks i’m the “bad” and “selfish” one. it’s crazy and i refuse to live like this. for many years i’ve kept silent, i was too embarassed and ashamed to let other people know…..i wanted to protect the family reputation….but now i want to call a spade a spade.
She is CRAZY. And I want OUT.
My crazy mother just made trouble between my sister and her three brothers of which I’m the youngest. The middle brother was visiting and took out my brother and his son (who were also visiting from out of town), my two boys and myself, along with mom to a fancy dinner out. My mother didn’t want my sister there. The really hurt my sis and she is still sort of mad that we brothers went along with this and didn’t stick up for her. I feel bad about this and really wish we didn’t have a crazy mother, since this was probably the last time we are all going to be in the same place again. I hope my sister forgives us one day.
Thank you for this meeting place of brothers and sisters who experienced the awful joys of having a crazy parent(s). My mother is one of the rank and file crazies, though I understand now that she could not help it. Neglect, psychotic ramblings, zoning out, physical abuse, crying, blaming, extreme unhappiness, angry fits, broken dishes, hypochodriac treatments, and beatings were the order of the day in my household growing up. My father absorbed himself in his work during the day, and when he came home, all seemed normal..at least for a while. But during those days, she was a different person, and my brothers and sister and I tiptoed around her as if she were an active volcano. She didn’t want us and hated her life as a country housewife, so she chose escapism. That in addition to an unlucky genetic predisposition, gave birth to her madness. As we grew up, her fits became more and more uncontrollable until she was a danger. It’s a weird feeling being scared of your own mother..trust issues anyone? In college, my older sister finally went back home to help her get some help, but by that time, irreversible damage was already done. She was diagnosed as Manic Depressive and Schizofrenic. For a long time, I have never been able to have a real conversation with my mother…I’ve never been able to go to her for any comfort or advice. There is a huge gap in my life, and it makes me not able to relate to women very well..there is some nagging feeling here that everything will unravel at any moment in my relationships..powerless to change or alter..just a working chaos. If you are like me, then you have probably wasted a whole lot of your life trying to find a substitute or foster mother to sooth your wounded inner child. You look to food, drugs, sex, bad relationships, fantasies which all results in more damage to your inner self. Only now, at 41, am I becoming the mother to myself that I never had….that’s what you have to learn to be in the end…no one can play this role for you, though you may really desire it. I often am reminded of that song..”Sometimes, I feel like a Motherless Child”….it’s our theme song..sing it in mourning and sing it proudly. If you’re still alive, broken as you may feel, then you will be able to pull your scattered selves together and become the divine parent. God Bless..
P.S…please excuse my poor spelling…It’s Schizophrenic…I, of all people, should know better! LOL…
My mother is a liar and a lunatic. After allowing me, my husband, and my son to move in to save money and help her out financially, she let my brother, her POA and chief asshole kick us out. Supposedly the house needs renovations (refinish floors and minor plumbing issues) and they can’t be made with us here. The latest is that she is deeding the house to him so that he can borrow money against the house to make the repairs. She cannot comprehend that, if she dies during the process — and she’s 84, he cannot simply sell the house and give us half of the money without paying 50% in gift taxes. It’s either beyond her comprehension or negates what my lying, stealing brother is telling her. He is nothing but a bully and a braggart.
We are going to the lawyer tomorrow. I hope he can do something to stop this. I am hoping they find her incompetent, find that he is taking advantage of her, and remove him as POA. I also have to address whether or not my brother can be charged with assault. My 15yo son said something to him, my brother lunged at him. I pushed my brother’s stomach and grabbed his arm to stop him from touching my son. He grabbed my hair, twisted my neck, and shoved me into the stove. I REALLY hurt my neck and shoulder.
Mom was once diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I am bipolar, but it is well controlled with meds. My mother is totally psycho. I hate for her to lose everything, because that will mean I will lose everything that my father worked for. But if she does, she deserves it. And all the repercussions.
my mom is just a fucking whore
Im glad to see im not alone.the four sacred rules i use to deal with my crazy mother as follows-
1.SHE is ALWAYS the VICTIM
2.EVERYTHING she says is gospel TRUTH.
3.SHE lives in her own little crazy world
4She is INSAINE(nuttier than a squirrel turd)
so i nod my head alot and say ok alot and never argue because thats what crazy moms THRIVE on is negitive energy-at least my mom does and this is how ive dealt with her.maybe this will help others.
actually that doesnt explain everything-MY MOM IS A MENTALLY ILL LADY.didnt know it when I was little,I made those rules up when I was a little kid to deal with her insanity and I still follow them today.My mom would go from extremely happy to bawling with her mascara streaming down her face spaced out from whatever pill she happened to be on.I dont know how many men i was forced to call daddy.I was abused and molested and all the while she was ALWAYS the victim-even as I went through countless years of therapy and eating disorders-still to this day always the victim.She LIES constantly and exaggurates EVERYTHING.Its her full time job to meddle in my life.anything i do that turns out successful she sabotages it-all so she can have the HELPER role and be my best friend.I read a book called TOXIC PARENTS that helped me alot.It made me understand her sick little world she lives in.Its a world where she can completely ruin anothers life and never consider the consequences.IT is unreal the things she has done-because of her i lost over half of a million dollars that she had STRANGERS have instead of me!!!!! and countless opportunities.she fucks up everything and nothing is ever her fault.A true manipulator and bender of truth.I read all the other stories here on this page and its surreal.There are so many EVIL mothers and fathers in the world.This truely is the devils world.Im happy I got all this off my chest.It felt good to rant
Are you still taking in new member? My mom is nuts.
Ji – Of course. Welcome.
Sister Wolf,
Thanks again for providing this place to read and write about our crazy moms. I still haven’t fully fixed the rift between my sister and me. And our mother continues to be unhappy with her living conditions so she takes it out on us. We (the kids) have moved her numerous times, but this last time she had her caseworker arrange everything. She claimed the place she was living at was poisoning her food. It’s only a matter of time before she finds something wrong with the new place. She didn’t call or send a card on my kids birthdays (or mine for that matter). Whatever, mom. If only those of us who contribute to this page had nice surrogate mothers, like a great in-law, but that rarely seems to be the case. Misery loves company. Maybe next time around…
My mom is crazy. Lots of hitting and criticism. No one knows but be and if my brother knows, he’s not talking. Hard to deal with because at the same time she has always cared and taken care of me. What to do with these feelings?
Yeah, I’m in. My mother is fucking crazy. She freaks out over everything then cries and blames it on EVERYONE else. Then stars screaming if you point out she’s being irrational as fuck. Or if you do anything for that matter. I hope to god I never have a female offspring because ALL the women in her side of the family are crazy as shit. She will go off on vacation, on a simple trip in the car, trying to decide what to eat, you name it… Bitch is CRAZY.
I had a crazy mother, too. I actually wrote a memoir about it (which proved to be damn therapeutic – at least for me that is:) and my hope is that my memoir “Hell Camp” can help others who suffered/suffer the same bizarre upbringing. My mother had extreme ups and downs, needed constant attention, manipulated everyone and everything, had every illness known to mankind and was constantly dissatisfied. There was a string of men, drama galore, plenty car crashes, suicide attempts, ridiculous spending sprees and eventually she kidnapped my child.
She completely overwhelmed me and, after years of being a mess, I finally entered therapy when I realized I couldn’t function anymore. It took me 7 years of therapy to learn to “let go” of all the anger and resentment I felt inside. Eventually I forgave my mother for all her craziness. I understand now that she operates from a very desperate and lonely place, and that she has the emotional maturity of a 5 year old – it has not been an easy journey, but I am truly thankful that I am free of her at last. For those of you still suffering, I send you much empathy and big, warm, cosmic hugs – If you do read “Hell Camp”, please let me know if it helps you in any way – thank you so much and stay strong…Niki Smart
so i found this because i figured finding out if i was the only one out there w a crazy bitch of a mother was worth a google. these stories are all too familiar. i’m going to be 30 next month and i still have ‘issues’ letting my mother know that her behavior is definitely NOT appropriate. my hub and i have 2 lil girls together and now they are witnessing the craziness. i write here, today, because i would like some advice on how to let her know that i will NOT stand for her exposing my children to what i was exposed to my entire life with her.
examples of craziness:
-being friendly and loving one minute THEN talking under her breath about how terrible you and your family is.
-offering to wash the dishes because i’m busy with the girls (we’re a homeschooling family) THEN letting me know that we’re such a filthy family that we don’t deserve to have children and that they will be taken away by her if this continues. i can assure you we are not filthy. our home may look ‘lived in’ at times, but you could pretty much eat off of our floors.
-offering to give us a ride somewhere when our car was out of commission just to remind me that my hub is a deadbeat that can’t afford to take care of us and i need to find an older man that will throw money at me and my kids. my hub busts his ass and i could care less if we fixed our car. we live in a very bike/pedestrian friendly area.
-taking us to chinatown (her idea) THEN commenting on how she can’t stand asians, or anyone of any other race for that matter. and singing everyone was kung fu fighting while walking up and down the aisles of their grocery store. downright RUDE! and this is how she acts NOW. i don’t have enough time nor space to tell you how she was in the past, but trust me, i will do everything in my power NOT be that kind of mother to my girls. so help me god. i do not want my girls to grow up thinking that her behavior is ‘normal’ or acceptable. i’m trying to raise kids that will change this world for the better. if that means they have no grandparents, so be it. i’m sorry that you all went through the same shiz as me and i’ll pray that we get past this garbage with love and light. peace.
My crazy mom is having medical issues. She called the other day and told me she has ovarian cancer and will find out if it is treatable. I spent the entire night mourning for her and asked my husband to stay home from work to be with me when she called. My daughter posted for people to pray for her with cancer on facebook. I specifically asked her if she was sure it was cancer. She said yes to me and my aunt and my husband. After no sleep, endless worry and tears, she called the next day and said she didn’t know if it was cancer or not yet. SHE HADN”T EVEN BEEN DIAGNOSED. This manipulatively done to cause my family pain. My sister, she told a completely different logical version that she is having an operation on her ovaries and will most likely recover from it. When I called my sister to speak to her about how angry I am with our mother, she laughed at me. Because she has never witnessed the manipulation.
My mother told me that I would have to take care of my father or find him a wife when she dies from this. VERY SICK LADY.
I have a blog about this that’s too painful too publish. My Mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder that’s one step up from Narcissism and a 1/2 step down from Psychopathy. My Mother is a ‘master’ manipulator like a puppet master. She has single-handedly laid waste to a whole family, including my Father. The rest of the family somehow is in their way waiting for her approval, I came out since 2 years old ‘swinging’ at her. You can imagine what I went through challenging a creature such as this. A conversation with my Mother is like sitting in a swimming pool on a floating mat and as the cheerful conversation starts out the shark starts circling and even starting out talking about the weather ends up with you being verbally bitten in half about something she will create or revive. She took this family and beat it into hamburger meat, lit it on fire, poisoned what was left and put it in a blender, AND threw away all pictures of my Father and his 45 years of supporting her and his great love for her has been tossed in the garbage. There was a living will, and somehow she spent the majority of what the will comprised of on her physically deformed, pre-pubsecent boy loving b/f who claims my dead father’s house as his own. When she mentioned the will she said ‘Get your own f’n money, your adults’. I have kicked her butt verbally and she and I are like the clash of the Titans. Some say, ‘that’s your Mother, how could you?’ (and I only mentioned 1/100th of what she’s done and said). Thanks for reading.
After spending the past 24 hours unable to eat, sleep or think because my crazy bitch Mom is ruining my life, I took some comfort reading these posts. After treating me with disrespect and manipulating me my whole life, I finally found a way to remove my crazy mom from my life and start my own family, which is functional and happy. This REALLY pissed her off and now she finds ways to break the seal and pop back into my life so that she can leave a hot turd for me to deal with. What the fuck is wrong with these mothers? After becoming a parent myself, I just can’t imagine treating my own child this way.
I lived for years thinking I was the insane/bad one, am only just now realizing how insane my mother is. She’s a psychologist who failed to recognize I had all the symptoms of PTSD growing up, sexual abuse to be specific..she now won’t recognize these as symptoms of what they are in spite of the fact every single source I’ve ever consulted evinces said symptoms, all of which I have [documented by the shrink she dragged me to, who diagnosed me as autistic at eight–a diagnosis which anyone who spends more than five seconds with my chatty, extroverted self would recognize is bullshit!]..she insists I had a ‘psychotic break’ during a period of extreme depression brought on by finally recognizing all the physical pain I was in from the years of starvation, physical tortures as well as crippling psychological abuse I experienced at her hands growing up–continues to do so, in spite of the fact precisely zero of the ten or so mental health professionals I’ve since consulted agree with her [the one lady who did basically said that my mother said it didn’t happen, I said it did, I had no evidence, ergo it didn’t–which is malpractice, btw, if anyone ever tries to pull that crap on you go STRAIGHT to the Medical Board of wherever you’re at, do not pass go, do not collect $200]..she treats me like I’m half as important as my three-years-younger sister, who she consistently expresses shock and disbelief that I don’t take more interest in–in spite of the fact she raised a tyrant in the girl, not to mention that she expected me to help out with my baby sister the instant my sister was born, when I was LITERALLY three years old, and was “disappointed” that I wasn’t more interested in learning how to change a diaper etc. at that age-! She sees me as an extension of herself, there for her to beat up on or take advantage of in whatever way she can in exchange for her grudgingly providing me the bare minimum to stay alive..she has zero hopes for me ‘n disguises this with ‘I will support whatever you do’ psychological b.s. as well as continually pushing me in the direction of careers I continually tell her I’ve no interest in, either because she wants me to fail or because she thinks she can force me to force myself to become something I’m not in order to succeed in these careers..she is the reason I’ve spent years trying desperately to believe in my own worthiness, only to be brought down time and time again by my own isolation–mostly because I’m so terrified there’s some lingering mental illness in me that’s just waiting for its chance to take root that I’m afraid of letting anybody close to me. Plus I don’t know how to explain to people why they can’t ever meet her..my therapist thinks I was adopted since I look nothing like her or her husband, which I can only hope is true–accepting that, I finally feel a kind of peace. I just wish I had realized that sooner–I wouldn’t have accepted her idea that I had some obligation to her, I would have called CPS ‘n gotten myself the heck outta there sooner, or at least tried, or gotten emancipated.
As it is, I’m sad for all the time I lost but grateful I didn’t live my whole life feeling indebted to a woman who if anything completely let me down.
I’m sick of feeling my whole life revolves around her emotional instability.
Like most crazy people she’s incredibly talented at attracting an audience.