For the last few days, I’ve had the feeling that there’s nothing interesting on the Internet. Anywhere. For me, as an addict, this is pretty scary. How much fashion, YouTube, politics or gossip can anyone stand? How many weird medical disorders, conjoined twins, opinions, rants or Wikipedia entries can anyone absorb? It’s all bullshit.
On that note, here is a quiz to test your knowledge of pop culture. I’m going to make it up as I go along. Remember that the more questions you can answer correctly, the more you should probably just kill yourself.
No cheating!
1. Madonna may be upset, but ——- “is her rock.”
2. Which young celebrity/drug addict is NOT a lesbian.
3. Who is her lesbian girlfriend’s famous brother?
4. How long did Angie breastfeed the twins?
5. What sickening actor likes to be pictured without his shirt on?
6. Who is Jessica Simpson dating?
7. What is Beyonce’s new alter ego called?
8. Name Gwen Stefani’s two sons.
8. Name her husband’s teenage daughter.
9. Tom Cruise is —.
10. What is a ‘tweaker?’
11. Donatella’s daughter suffers from ——–.
12. Leonardo is dating ___ ______ because he likes ——.
How did you make out? 12 out of 12=tragic. 8-11=sad. 6-10=average student of pop culture. 1-5=great job, keep it up! 0=cheater!
* I’m not giving answers, because you know if you know them. If you don’t know an answer, give yourself a nice pat on the back, you’re better off.
Nil Nil nil until:
9: Tom Cruise is a cunt,
10: a Tweaker is someone who wanks with tweezers?
11: Donatella’s daughter probably has tanorexia, at least.
And Leonardo is dating a supermodel. of some description. Because he can.
Mr Hammie says Tom Cruise is a dwarf. My apologies to any short statured people who hate Tom Cruise too.
xx
I think I got 7 or maybe 8, which is pretty bad.
Tom Cruise is (and I was astonished to discover this) still found attractive by some human life forms.
Those people are in much bigger trouble than me.
To my horror, I was going strong until I got to Beyonce. Thank christ. I bounced back with the “tweakers” question and maintained a steady speed to the end. In total I got 10 out of 12. I am ashamed, but thankful that at least I didn’t get a perfect score.
The worst thing that ever happened to me was the People magazine website. Once they had a quiz which involved photographs of celebrities in bikinis with the faces blacked out and you had to identify who owned the body. I got all of those right and wanted to kill myself.
1) cock
I agree with hammie on 9) Tom Cruise is a cunt.
However, since hiding the fact that one has nothing to say behind a constant stream of obscenities is, allegedly, less recommendable than, say, hiding the same fact behind a similar stream of exhaustingly long sentences that are filled (and killed) with unnecessary sub-clauses whose only purpose is to show that the writer is capable of producing pompous and condescending nonsense in up to 100 lines long sentences, I’ll give the latter approach a try instead.
Tom Cruise, once (posthumously and involuntarily if need be) naturalised, knighted and canonised, will be rechristened as Sir Thomas Cruise the Elder, and his flesh and bones – a glowing ivory-white skeleton, significantly shorter than the height, breadth and depth of his soul and the gravity of his art would suggest — shall be buried next to Sir Lawrence Olivier, once he has exhaled his last breath and whispered his last words of encouragement and wisdom (a line which, once uttered, will divide the academic community for decades to come over a heated debate on whether indeed it was, as the more conservative scholars would argue, from Days of Thunder or, as some of the more radical ones are inclined to suggest, from Coctail) to the thousands who are gathered around his deathbed to witness the departure of a great man, as well as to the millions who are following the spectacle through their television sets.
Obviously, he is still a cunt.
I would also know the answers to the questions about Lohan and Ronson but pretend not to. I want to live.
obviously, I ment to say *her cock to #1
I used to work at People magazine, eons ago. This shizz is too easy. Go watch Family Guy clips on YouTube.
I must be really out of it because I didn’t really know any of the ones with specific answers (other than #5, of course because he is the bane of my existence). Beyonce’s alter ego, I read once, but it didn’t stick. And I know the Stefani kids have stupid names, but again, I can’t recall them. From the comments, I’m gathering Lindsay is the lesbo? Really? Again, I had no idea. But in all fairness, I’ve been too busy to play online much at work lately, and when I get home, I’m too sick of sitting in front of a computer all day, so I kinda ignore it. Oh well. Though I guess I deserve some kind of kudos for letting a couple months of this crap pass me by.
p.s. Juri, I <3 the Sir Cruise deathbed issue!
ah Honeypants, how do you keep thyself so pure?
1. Whichever member of the Rock-of-the-Month-Club is up next in the rotation.
2. Aren’t they all?
3. Who knows?
4. She breast fed?
5. All of them?
6. Who cares?
7. Sasha (Oh, wait, that’s her old one from years ago)
8. Angel, and Baby.
8. Daisy.
9. Washed up
10. A meth-head. Don’t ask me how I know this.
11. Who knows?
12. Who knows?/Who cares?
I got two right. That places me firmly in the ranks of “Great Job, Keep it Up!”
I don’t know any of them. I did read that Beyonce had a sexier, more sultry new persona. I don’t remember the name. A tweeker is a meth addict or speed junkie. That’s what we call them in the neuro ICU I worked in. Blew the vessels in their brains with the junk. Good for business and job security. Sorry, I am useless on this sort of trivia.
Wendy, do you have the answers? I don’t want to look this stuff up!
Based on my encyclopedic knowledge, I should just kill myself now.
I think the “not a lesbian” person must be Lindsay Lohan, because I recall her saying something about that, but I am proud not to know any of the other answers. I wasn’t going to call TC at cunt, but rather “f***ing loopy” or something to that effect.
Hammie -Hahahha, I actually forgot Tom Cruise was a cunt, until you said so.
Skye – You’re right, much much worse off.
annemarie – Whoa, shit, you and I need to cleanse our brains.
Juri – Hahahahahahahahha, jesus. Good, keep living.
WendyB – Don’t make me watch Family Guy. I will make a special Honors Quiz just for you.
Honeypants – KUDOS!!!!!!! You rule!
enc – I feel you are cheating. I’ll be sending a note home.
cker – MORE KUDOS!!!! Brilliant lack of garbage in yr brain.
K-line – Wait for me!!!
Suebob – Flying colors, as expected.
9. Tom Cruise is gay. And a cunt.
CORRECT.
I’m in the “Great job, keep it up!” category, but only because I work and have roller derby/skating practice way too much to have any “free” time. So, I have two or three points:
1. Isn’t Oprah everybody’s rock?
2. I’m going to guess Le Lohan
3. I don’t know and don’t care
4. You mean she didn’t have a wetnurse??!! How very middle class of her
5. Is that McConaughey fella? All of them? He’s one of sickening ones
6. Should I care?
7. No idea
8. Brooklyn & London? Or are those the Beckham kids?
8. No clue
9. Tom Cruise is SHORT and CRAZY and ANNOYING.
10. A meth-head or speed addict
11. Tan- or an-orexia
12. Leonardo is dating a SUPERMODEL because he likes WOMEN WHO ARE TALLER THAN HIM.
9. Tom Cruise is GAY??
n.b I got 5 – I feel like a chav!
Cheers, That was a great post, I really liked reading your site. I am going to save it and will make sure to visit often.