The Plot Thickens.

We’re not allowed to criticize The Church Lady because that would be sexist. We can’t mention the tight black skirt that was meant to reduce grown men to horny teenagers dreaming about Milf’s.

So let’s just think of her as a man with a bouffant hairdo.   Oh no, I can’t mention the hairdo, shit. Sorry!

Let us forget about gender and focus instead on religious practices.   Is it okay if our next Vice-President attends a church where people speak in tongues and await the Rapture? Is it okay if he-or-she gives a speech to the Wasilla Assembly of God, using the speech patterns of a giddy babysitter with learning disabilities?

Please see this video clip of his-or-her speech, given just a few short months ago, and then start planning for the Apocalypse.

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19 Responses to The Plot Thickens.

  1. Skye says:

    There is just nothing more terrifying to me than people who believe in the end of days being in power.

  2. hammie says:

    Yes Skye, it kind of puts them in a limited liability arrangement for caring for the world. Whereas I like the extended warranty option….

  3. Freaks! Freak and Freaking hell

  4. Skye says:

    Hammie – most of them are even worse than that, because they WANT the end of days to come asap so that Jesus will return etc – so they will actively do things (foreign policy decision-making for example) which will fulfil prophecy/hasten the apocalypse. Awesome, except not.

  5. tobilynne says:

    That seriously just turned my stomach.

  6. annemarie says:

    unbelievable. i’m speechless.

  7. Juri says:

    I don’t know if I have the courage to watch that Jezebel’s AoG clip – I’m still trying to recover from three nights of their convention – but I can’t wait for the debates to begin. It’ll be interesting to see this person speak about the issues without a teleprompter and without Bush’s former speechwriter putting every word in her mouth. I hope they tear her to pieces without holding back. Anything else would be sexist.

    As for the rapture and apocalypse, shouldn’t the GOP appoint another VP to replace her in case McCain dies, and she is raptured before the term is over?

  8. PatrickH says:

    Speaking in tongues is of course religious barmy hokum crapola nonsensicalitiousness. But…it is also a skill that can be learned (scientists have actually studied this…no lie).

    I can speak in tongues, and it’s a blast! I mean it. I’m quite serious. I think people who can’t speak in tongues are pretty repressed. Learning to let go and blast out some Pseudo Ancient Sumero-Atlantean mega-chant-roar-gabble-urk to the Great Old Lizard Gods of the Utter Depths of Far-out Hyper Space is good clean fun.

    Well, it costs you your soul actually, but I’ve never had one in the first place, so that’s a minor issue.

    Which raises the point…these religious wackos are actually enjoying themselves. They’s havin’ theyself a partaaaaay!!!

    I’d love to take you to one, my lustee, my wild wicked Wolf. We could shake and foam and twitch together, speak in tongues, tongue in tongues, lash and lick and love in tongues.

    Mmm…I feelin’ the Rapture just a’risin’ in my bones as I write these very words.

    Wanna join me for the apocalypse my darlin’? The weather forecast is hot hot hot!!!

    Sing it Sister! In a language of your choice! Just remember to ask me along.

    Your polyglotted stalker,

  9. David Duff says:

    “Is it okay if our next Vice-President attends a church where people speak in tongues and await the Rapture? Is it okay if he-or-she gives a speech to the Wasilla Assembly of God, using the speech patterns of a giddy babysitter with learning disabilities?”

    I confess (if that is not too much of a religious expression) that I am not sure of the precise details of how representative government works in America, but over here a Member of Parliament is supposed, irrespective of *his* politics, to represent *all* of his constituents irrespective of *their* politics. I was not aware that being a practicing Christian in America meant that elected officials were not permitted to visit you or your church, to address you and listen to your opinions. If that is the case, there does not seem much point in giving Christians a vote at all. In fact, given that they appear to strike fear and alarm in certain quarters not too far removed from this blog, why not just stick them all in a Gulag – and now I come to think of it, Alaska being next door to Siberia, that would be a good place to site one.

    Incidentally, skimming through the linked thread on the ‘banned library books’ it appears to be about as reliable as the story of Mrs. Palin’s youngest child being produced by her eldest daughter.

    My reliability as a political forecaster is about equal to my weather forecasting ability – and I have just returned home soaking wet after getting caught in a rain storm – but over at my place I have just proclaimed a McCain win in November, mostly on account of his brilliant choice of VP candidate.

    Remember, you read it first here!

  10. annemarie says:

    yes there is something wrong with the VP attending a church where people speak in tongues and await the rapture and think that gays are bad and that THEY will be saved but others won’t and that THEY therefore have a license to treat those others in whatever manner they want. isn’t this reminiscent of something? aryans, for example?

    not not ALL christians think like this, and so of course it does not follow that christians should not have the right to vote and nobody suggested that anyway you stupid man.

    and sorry to burst your bubble but you’re not the first person to say they will win– weren’t you watching the republican convention? pay attention now.

  11. Sal says:

    I’m TELLING you. Those two bozos are NOT gonna win! They’ll never make it into the White House, and this will all turn into a bad dream. A big, ornery, collective bad dream.

    I work hard at my denial.

  12. enc says:

    I keep commenting on all the blogs that I’m afraid of her. I think this will be my go-to comment for the next couple of months. If she and her ventriloquist dummy are “elected,” I’ll have to sing that song for four years. Maybe eight. I’ll be so scared by that time, I’ll be a shell-shocked zombie.

    Oh, the humanity.

  13. PatrickH says:

    Move to Canada! We’re all quite sane up here! Just ask Clio! Or even me! We’ll welcome you! With open arms and a great big smile! Be not afraid! Come north!

    Just not too far north. Those people in Alaska…man are they f*cked up or what?

  14. Sister Wolf says:

    WendyB, Skye, Hammie, Make Do, Tobilynne, Juri, Sal, enc, annemarie: sign up for PAP Smear! Maybe we’ll have t-shirts and everything!

    Patrick – As a jew, I will be going straight to hell during the Rapture. We’ll hook up there, okay?

    David – Even Margaret Thatcher didn’t send your armed forced into the Falklands and call it “God’s war”. You are welcome to cheer on the Republicans, but as a member of the world community, you too will be screwed if they win.

  15. PatrickH says:

    Oh yes, you one of those people that killed that Josh guy, the one who thought he was meleh ha masiah. Well, he had it comin’ is all I’m sayin’.

    As for your fate during the Rapture, well, you’ve got it sorta right, but not really. Here’s what fate has in store for my lovely Jewess.

    Sung to the tune of “My Precious Jewel” by Hank Williams:

    My Precious Jew

    O my precious Jew
    You bring on the End Times
    We’ll fight for your country
    From A-rabs to save

    And when we are through
    We’ll meet you in Heaven
    Where you will take Christ
    In your hearts so depraved

    So you see, there’s always hope, even for you, my sweet!

  16. Imelda Matt says:

    Where was the serpent dancing or is it too cold for Ole fashion snake dance in Wasilla?

  17. greetings, I just wanted to comment and say that I was really impressed with your blog. Keep up the good work! You are a really talented writer and it shows

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