The Wonder of Rachel Zoe

rachel-zoe-at-new-york-fashion-week

Sometimes a person comes along and captures your attention no matter how much you think you don’t care about them. Such is the wonder of Rachel Zoe.

I thought I’d had enough of her after reading about her fight with Nicole Richie and seeing photos of her anorexic shriveled body with the attendant quote: I’m just naturally tiny!

But one of my horrible newsletters invited me to click on Rachel Zoe’s new website and voila! I am hooked. How does she write like that, is my question. It’s like a whole other language! No wonder people like her! This is better than GOOP, don’t you think? Or maybe they can’t be compared, since they are nutty in different ways, like the unhappy families in Anna Karenina.

Here is what I’ve just learned from Rachel Zoe:   Diamond studs can get a little snoozy. That’s right, SNOOZY, you snoozy diamond stud people. I personally have three little snoozy diamond studs in my right ear at this very moment. Luckily, I also have a little gold spike earring in the same ear, or I might feel like a complete loser. Whew! That was a close call.

I can tell Rachel Zoe is going to keep me on my toes. If only she would share that fucking Restylane with me. I know I’m fixated on it, but I can feel my cheeks deflating with every passing moment.

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16 Responses to The Wonder of Rachel Zoe

  1. She truly is the stylist who keeps on giving in her own naturally tiny way…

  2. WendyB says:

    I always tell people who try to buy cheap but custom-made diamond studs from me to go to Wal-Mart. Unless you’re picking out good stones, you might as well. Who can tell the difference? I’m not going to waste my time on it, that’s for sure.

  3. Maja says:

    Aw no, my ears are snoozy 🙁

  4. Jill says:

    I’ll share mine with you.

    Who knew…diamond studs are the Ambien of ears!

  5. minzhi says:

    I can see the reason for everyone to follow her style if they want to have a successful prostitution business. They will surely succeed with the aid from Zoe’s trustworthy snoozy diamond studs and drowsy feather earrings and busy charm bracelets..

  6. arline says:

    She is a snooze fest.

  7. jools says:

    She’s so unique! What girl wouldn’t want to dress like a geriatric palm beach or upper east side matron?

  8. Andra says:

    Well, shake my stick and call me lesbitious! Five minutes ago I had never even heard of Rachel Zoe and now I have looked at her page. Well! This is a revelation.
    I have some diamond studs and no doubt they are snoozy. I didn’t know that!
    Today I am wearing little round gold studs. Is that alright? Am I snoozy now? Do I want to be snoozy?
    Help.
    I live in Cairns in Australia and we don’t know this stuff.
    Signed
    Desperate

  9. HelOnWheels says:

    I want to pummel her with whatever chunky shoe she’s wearing every time she says “bananas”.

  10. annemarie says:

    I sorta feel sorry for Rachel Zoe. I would hate to have to suck up to stupid celebrities in order to earn money and propel my own, lesser, celebrity-boat. I am sure that being Rachel Zoe is one long series of humiliations.

  11. Mark says:

    Rachel Zoe = Olsen twins

  12. Style Spy says:

    I am askeered to read Ms. Zoe’s writing. I seriously fear it would burrow into my brain like that horrible earwig thingie in the “The Wrath of Khan,” (am I remembering that right?) and turn me into one of her vacant-eyed fashion zombies. Annemarie makes a good point, but I don’t think I’ll be able to feel genuine pity for Zoe until she shuts the hell up.

  13. Louise says:

    From now on I shall be sure to snooze whenever I see a diamond, or a linguistically inept lollipop-head lady x

  14. Oh, I’ve got to go see this. I think I can actually enjoy this, GOOP is just nauseating, but snoozy studs, I can speak that language.

  15. Terry says:

    Love your blog!

    I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been bothered by Rachel Zoe and would like to comment (and vent!).

    When I first watched her reality show, I was stunned by her self-importance, her shallowness, and her inability to speak like a literate adult. I wondered how a person can actually procure work dressing people (and well, it would seem) whilst coming off as so unintelligent and without having a sense of proportion about what she does for a living. I’m still wondering about that.

    A few episodes passed and I began to wonder more about her psychopathology. A few of her more noticeable traits:

    – She seems genuinely unable to take pleasure in her job. Rather, it causes her great angst and anxiety — which she spreads around like a dark cloud expanding into every part of the sky. The woman seems to live in a perpetual state of fear and (yes) terror.

    One very memorable example: she had several clients for the Golden Globes. Rather than getting to work, she proclaimed that she felt as though she’d gotten hit in the chest.

    – She is passive-aggressive. She rarely confronts anyone. When she does, it is through a back-handed compliment, which must be very demoralizing for everyone around her. Further, she won’t come out and just say she doesn’t want a baby; instead, she delays, delays, delays. And she frets so that people around her will have to worry about her and try to figure out her thinking.

    – Her passive-aggression is cruel. I disliked her husband at first, but then came around to having a lot of sympathy for this puppy dog who follows his wife around begging for crumbs of her attention and a straight answer about the baby question. (Rodger is interesting though. I can’t figure out whether is gay or bi and hiding it through marriage. It may very well be. Still, if they made a pact to have a kid, Rachel ought to straight come out and say she’s changed her mind instead of garnering attention by fretting about her physical and mental strength.)

    Rachel is passive-aggressive with her employees too. She won’t just come out and state anything; rather, she makes them guess what she wants and worries them with her constant angst.

    – She needs to be the center of attention. She does that through her dress, her chronic fretting and her adolescent speech. She controls her husband (although it would seem she pays for him) in myriad very sneaky ways. The worst is forcing him to beg for her attention, as that is a statement about his value to her. It’s cruel.

    – Finally, this is stated above in other ways, but here it is: she creates chaos around her.

    Perhaps inside Rachel Zoe is a very unhappy and insecure person, considering the ways in which she exerts control upon those who surround her. Her weight has been a source of speculation — if she has an eating disorder, that would be a way of controlling her body.

    Unhappy and insecure though she may be deep inside, I find it hard to stomach her because I find her ploys offensive and demeaning. I’m trying to have more sympathy for her, but I find it difficult because she acts as though she is curing cancer rather than dressing actresses.

  16. JEAN says:

    RACHAEL SHOULD NEVER HAVE CHILDREN. SHE JUST THINKS OF HER SELF AND HER CLOTHES, SHOES, GOLD AND SILVER. SHE WOULD HAVE NO TIME, NO NOTHING, TO GIVE TO A CHILD.

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