To Buy Or Not To Buy

Long ago, in a galaxy known as Coggles.com, I was dazzled by a Vivienne Westwood tiara with little diamante devil horns. It was a replica of the one Viv wore to meet the Queen of England. It was way out of my price range, but I was brokenhearted when it disappeared from the website.

Now that I’ve decided to renounce internet shopping, I have come upon this tiara again.

Fuck. Is it a test of my character, by god or the devil? Is it a cosmic joke on me? Or is it simply a fucking bummer?

I want these devil horns. I need them. I could wear them with everything, or nothing. They were obviously meant just for me. They cost around $450.

I know in the rational part of my brain that they won’t bring happiness. They will just add to the crap-heap of my life, the tons of hoarded belongings that could have fed most of Sub-Saharan Africa if their cost was added up.

But the primitive credit-card wielding part of my brain that reacts wildly to sparkly things is going “Oooh, it’s too beautiful to pass up!”

Can anyone help put me out of my misery? I need to be convinced not to make this purchase. Or maybe the opposite.

*Don’t worry, PAP Smear members. Â  We wil reconvene tomorrow night. It’s getting uglier by the minute.

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29 Responses to To Buy Or Not To Buy

  1. cybill says:

    They are gorgeous and amazing but I think they have shown you that they will always turn up for you when you least expect it. So wait till next time and then you can reconsider. Or you could simply buy them now, either way is good.

  2. stella-mayfair says:

    if they make you devilishly happy, buy them. i found that whenever i craved something for a long time, it was best to finally listen to that inner voice of the big must-have-NOW. the little horns might make you smile all day long, sister – and they might bring out your inner demon, which will be good for wiping the palin off the face of the earth 🙂

  3. Skye says:

    Can you find someone (Etsy maybe? ) who can make you a pair – similar but for less money?

  4. Meh! I just heard your inner voice for the first time (thanks Hammie!) and if it asked me to buy the Brooklyn Bridge in six instalments I’d defo fall for it. Just wish you coulda read more from the expleted script. Good luck resisting that old tart’s tiara.

  5. By old tart I meant darling Viv, not you!

  6. Honeypants says:

    I think you should buy it. You obviously need it, and you know, if you love something set it free… Well it came back to you!!! You can’t deny it.

    Now, how to deal with the guilt? Dig through your collection and find something valuable that is totally no longer in use, or doesn’t hold the fascination it once did, and sell it on ebay to recoup some of your costs. Or just give it to a worthy heir.

    I have a friend with a makeup buying problem, and I tried to tell her that every time she buys something new, she should give something she already owns to one of her friends (she’s got numerous unopened duplicates of things). She didn’t go for it. But I think it’s a good concept.

  7. Tobi Lynne says:

    Yeah — you should buy … Your disappointment at their disappearance speaks to that. That tiara’s truly amazing.

  8. annemarie says:

    Vivienne fucking Westwood wore a horned tiara to meet the QUEEN! How cool is that, seriously?

    You must have them.

    I ask myself the following questions when I need to justify extravagant purchases that I don’t need per se:

    How much am I willing to pay to get back all the time I will waste obsessing over them?
    Ans: “fuck, if we’re talking deathbed here, a LOT. A lot more than 450$. You can’t put a price on time, and I’m dying!!”

    How much joy will these bring me?
    Ans: “I swear, every time I wear these I will think about the beautiful irony of wearing diamante horns to visit the queen. That is so punk! But still pretty! Ah, I will feel like a pretty punk to the end of my days if I have these. And when I am old and gray and full of sleep and can’t fit and/or can’t be bothered to wear tight pants and fierce shoes, I can just place my tiara on my head and BINGO! I will be a pretty punk right through to the sunset days of my life! I will be an inspiration to all who lay eyes on me but most of all myself! I will wear them to my grave!”

    How much is 450$, really?
    Ans: “The way the dollar is going, it might seem like a lot less next week. I should buy them now in case hyperinflation sends them into four figures. Fuck it.”

    What happens if I buy them and say this time next year, the house burns down and the insurance company is bankrupt and refuses to pay me and I’m out on the street and really, really need 450$ but I don’t have it. All I have is this stupid horned tiara on my head. What will I do?
    Ans: “Ebay! Consignment stores! Jesus christ, Vivienne Westwood wore these to visit the QUEEN. They are iconic and they are not always in production. Therefore, they are an investment. And seriously, if I have a tiara on my head, I will not be left to expire on the street (see above re “inspiration”). It’s just not possible.”

  9. honeypants says:

    annemarie, you nailed it!

  10. WendyB says:

    Those are hot.

  11. OMGGMAB says:

    I too love them, so I think you should find someone who will make replicas at a much lower cost, sell them to us, you take a cut, and then you’ll earn the money to buy the original. Entrepreneurial spirit, boost to the PAP economy, and investing in the beauty of fellow Smearers. No guilt there!

    (Make the stones in mine pink!)

  12. honeypants says:

    OMGGMAB, that’s a good idea… I’d like some too with the stones in red!

  13. stella-mayfair says:

    ^ smaaaaaart :-))

  14. hammie says:

    you can’t ask a recovering shopaholic to advise you on not spending.
    But if they have come back to you, and now you feel happy because you want them.. well. get em.
    I think they are divine. I wear my red sequinned devil horns into school every halloween. And the boy teachers LOVE IT!

    ps, can I put up the link to Darwin’s own Papsmear correspondent?
    It occured to me tonight that Darwin is just like Alaska, except HOT. Provincial, backward mining town that is in thrall to extreme weather and small minded politicians. But they don’t have a governor. They had a referendem to decide whether they wanted their own “Premier” and a full seat at the Australia’s political table, AND THEY VOTED NO!

  15. BUYBUYBUY! or the etsy thing, that’s a good idea.

  16. Buy them to defeat the church lady with. Every one is investment jewellry buying now every thing is going horns up!

  17. Danielle says:

    Those ARE pretty frackin’ cool.

  18. K-Line says:

    I say, if you can afford them without struggle, you should definitely purchase them. Not only are they perfect for you specifically, but you’ve wanted the tiara for ages and the fashion goddess has seen fit to throw it at you. However, I agree they aren’t cheap. So unless you can stand the cost / will be wearing them all the time, you may be wise to pass.

  19. enc says:

    Dang, I love those.

    However, I vote you save yourself the $450 and do a DIY with a few rhinestones and some Krazy glue!

  20. Bex says:

    Aw man, that tiara is cuuuute!

  21. Mark says:

    Yes! They *were* made just for you! Get them!

    Just back from a weekend of Obama campaigning in Pennsylvania. I didn’t meet a single Obama supporter I didn’t like. I registered voters and got people to volunteer.

    PAP Smearers: If you live in or near a swing state, go volunteer! I just went into an Obama office in Philadelphia and said, “Use me like the whore I am.” Before I knew it, I was on the corner of Girard and Broad (probably one of the most impoverished intersections in the country) registering voters or just hearing words of approval from passersby. I realized something this weekend: I’m kind of into Obama; like, he’s kind of hot. He’s no Sean Lamont, but I’d totally do him if he were so inclined.

    I didn’t forget my PAP Smear roots, and I used the term ‘rancid twat’ seven times in reference to Sarah Palin.

  22. Sister Wolf says:

    Mark – HAPPY BIRTHDAY! So, you mean, you would do Obama if you were so blessed by this great country of ours? HA, join the club.

  23. Sister Wolf says:

    Cybill- Okay, good, thanks.
    Stella-Mayfair- Yes!
    Skye- Yes, but….
    Nick -Aww, that is so nice of you!!! xo
    Honeypants – I love it, yes.
    TobiLynne – Oh goody!
    annemarie – Nobel Prize for you.
    WendyB – Aren’t they?!
    OMGGMAB -That would be smart, but….
    HAmmie – Oy vey.
    fashionherald – Yes, yes, yes!
    Make do – Good, yes!
    Danielle – totally frakin cool
    K-line and enc – you two aren’t helping!!
    Bex – yes, dammit.

  24. K-Line says:

    Maybe a tag would help distract you 🙂 My post on this will be up later…

  25. Sal says:

    Skye stole my thought. There’s GOT to be somebody on Etsy who can make you a pair for less that will look just as sah-weeeeet.

  26. Sister Wolf says:

    K-Line – Oh dear, thank you! But now I’m scared about the assignment!

    Sal – You’re right. But Guess what? I BOUGHT IT BECAUSE I’M A STUPID GREEDY CUNT WHO CAN’T STOP SHOPPING. In the end, it was $394 including shipping. Don’t tell my husband!!!!

  27. K-Line says:

    Eeek!!! Hide the blog now 🙂

  28. Sister Wolf says:

    K-Line -He doesn’t read it unless I beg him to. Which has worked out nicely!

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