What, There’s Another Hadid Sister??

Godammit, why am I the last to know EVERYTHING? Did you guys know there’s another Hadid sister besides Gigi and Bella? This is too much. Or rather, too many. Three too many, actually.

Until recently, I knew next to nothing about Bella. Gigi was the one I thought of as the blight on youth culture and fashion. Her soft butterface is everywhere. She always has the same expression, like she’s not quite awake. She looks like a spoiled rich kid from some obscure Eastern European republic. And she’s often pictured with Kendall Jenner, striding down a street pretending not to notice the paparazzi.

what theres another hadid sister

She is also the face of Maybelline or Cover Girl, tainting all my magazines with her sullen pout and weirdly arched eyebrows. She makes me remember that I used to watch the Housewives of Beverly Hills, which featured her mom, a giant blonde gold-digger who I suspected of being a man.

I was vaguely aware of Bella, who is kind of the consolation-prize sister, not blonde and not as pubescently squishy. It turns out that Bella is a big deal in her own right. She’s probably dating an important hip hop artist or NBA star.

My adopted daughter Ali told me about an interview Bella did with Complex magazine that had caused a ruckus. When I hesitated, explaining that I was detoxing from  celebrities, she assured me that it had deep cultural relevance, and she was right.

Bella is the stupidest girl in the world. You will cringe and you will wish you were never born but you will thank me for posting this video.Without it, you just can’t grasp what the world has come to.

So that’s Bella.

But why do we need Alana? What’s the point of her? Why doesn’t she change her name and move somewhere out of the spotlight? I think she’s pretending to be a designer of some kind but I want to not think about her. You can read about her here but don’t come back and tell me anything.

What if there’s a fourth sister?!??

These Hadid girls are a symbol of our decline as much as Donald Trump is, all of them nails in the coffin of civilization.  Thoughts and prayers to all us.

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8 Responses to What, There’s Another Hadid Sister??

  1. David Duff says:

    Delicious! Pure acid over ice with just a dash of lemon, no-one mixes it like you, Big Sis, which is why we all love you.

  2. Flowerpotgirl says:

    I cant listen for another minute.
    She for sure is the dope-ist.
    I cant roll my eyes any harder. They hurt.

  3. Ali A says:

    The sneaker interview is the greatest thing since gallery girls.

  4. David Duff says:

    I think these Hadid gals are after me because they all seem to be heading for ‘this septic isle’ and it can’t be Prince Harry because he, so to speak, already has his hands full of Megan Markle:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5069875/Bella-Gigi-Hadid-s-secret-cousin-aspiring-model.html

  5. Romeo says:

    Is that first person, uh, is that Adrien Brody pretending to be Vera Farmiga?

  6. Suspended says:

    I tried, Sis, but I could only manage half. I don’t understand the purpose of such video. They’re neither informative or entertaining, or particularly nice to look at.

  7. Dj says:

    She has a much more interesting looking than her sisters. Heroine chic from the 90s

  8. eekahil says:

    This is perfect:
    pubescently squishy

    I fell in love with you all over again.

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