Which Shoe Makes You Sadder?

“Not just a sandal–a work of art, a thing of beauty. This Brian Atwood sandal boasts wild leopard print, ribbons that lace up your ankle, and feathers that sway with every step.”    $1,450 Neiman Marcus

“Not just a shoe–an object of desire, a work of art. This Diego Dolcini satin showcases fan-pleated chiffon, articulated with two-tone elegance and discerning crystal embellishments.”   $2,445   Neiman Marcus

Can’t decide?

Here’s a close-up of the discerning crystal embellishments. (Can they be discerning? Why not  judgmental, while we’re at it?)

And here’s the Thing of Beauty, walking back into the jungle….

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46 Responses to Which Shoe Makes You Sadder?

  1. Pam power says:

    Oh fuck.

  2. Ann says:

    What the shit?

  3. annemarie says:

    I hate the phrase THING OF BEAUTY. Qunt Michelle must have written those descriptions.

  4. Sheri says:

    Ugh. And I haven’t even had my coffee yet.

  5. deja pseu says:

    “discerning crystals” ?!? Argh who writes this crap! And are they actually getting PAID for it??

    And those shoes…the ugly, it burns.

  6. MizLottie says:

    The shoes don’t make me sad – the prices do. The shoes look like grammar school art projects what with the feathers, ribbon, crystals, etc. If it was your kid’s project, you’d go, “Aw, how pretty! Princess shoes, honey!” But the prices put them into the stupidity category.

  7. Juli says:

    The second one is definitely worse.

  8. anA says:

    I feel the first pair has a certain haunted quality about them. It is the kind of shoe that Jane would wear while redecorating her bedroom to look like an enchanted forest. I can basically FEEL the second shoe judging me through the screen. It is telling me to lose a couple of pounds and to brush my hair.
    Seriously though why the fuck would anyone pay over 2,000 dollars for such shit? I guess the second shoe makes me a little sadder, but only because it costs more.

  9. katie says:

    I had no idea leopards molted.

  10. Regularstarfish says:


    If these were sold anywhere else for $100 everyone would call them Hooker Shoes.

  11. swatterhappy says:

    My poor, poor eyes.

  12. Suebob says:

    Regularstarfish is right. If you saw either of them at a garage sale for $1, you’d say “These poor fuckers have weird taste.”

  13. If Daphne Guinness and Lady Gaga had a wrestling match at the Early Learning Centre it might look a bit like the Brian Atwood shoe

  14. Suspended says:

    “The thing of beauty” is totally disgusting.

    The 2nd shot of “The thing of beauty” had me thinking – I bet that’s what Sandra Bernhard’s crazy lady garden looks like. Then I pictured her unzipping it to take a piss.

    As you can probably tell, this post wasn’t good for me.

  15. Andra says:

    Well, I quite like the idea of the leopard eating the ostrich and then burping.
    That made me smile, the price made me sad, or is that mad?
    Jeesuz…. people are dying in Somalia and creeps are actually spending time and money buying this shit!!
    This world is seriously fucked up.

  16. JLYNN says:

    Number one is sadder to me. It looks like someone stepped in an oil soaked baby pelican.

    Also, I believe “discerning” means exhibiting wisdom/insight/good judgement- probably the last words I’d use to describe anything about this pretentious horrorshow, right after “practical”, “stylish”, “attractive”, and “shoe”…

  17. JLYNN says:

    btw Suspended: RE “Sandra Bernhard’s crazy lady garden”- you NAILED it!
    (Hopefully that phrasing doesn’t conjure up an even more distressing image than the Tasmanian toilette reveal…)

  18. Dave C says:

    I was about to type a witty, almost Parker-esque putdown of those shoes, but was somewhat sidetracked by Annemaries’ horrid comment about Queen Michelle. You should feel ashamed of yourself.

  19. daisy says:


  20. annemarie says:


  21. harmreduction says:

    I say we line up everyone who actually pays money for these, shoot them all, and let GOD sort it out.

  22. Andra says:

    What a good idea.
    They won’t let me have a gun though.
    What about you?

  23. Suspended says:

    Oh Annemarie, it doesn’t look like you are feeling the shame. Bwahaha.

    I still say the word “Qunt” was an inspired moment of brilliance.

  24. Tina says:

    I think the proper emotion is scared.

  25. Kellie says:

    I dont know that I can make a choice.
    I feel like shoe one is worse, but I cant be totally sure.
    at least the other one looks like a fan, or something light and genteel-ish.


    I swear : )

  26. Kellie says:

    Is concertina the word I am thinking about now???
    It may be.
    I think I do vote for the first one after all.
    Final answer.
    First one stinks harder.

  27. sisty says:

    You made this up, didn’t you?

  28. cybill says:

    Shoe #1 makes me sadder because I expected more from Brian Atwood. I only expect more from Brian Atwood because he dates that cute and talented Nate Berkus. The fact that I know this makes me sad – ergo Shoe 1 makes me sadder.

  29. RedHead says:

    Oh dear fuck, what are THOSE??????????

  30. RedHead says:

    And I’d say Shoe Two makes me sadder, because it’s so half-arsed. Shoe One’s poor construction is disguised by its madness, unlike Shoe Two which looks like they gave up halfway through.

  31. Marky says:

    Beyond vile.

  32. M says:

    this is horrible.

  33. Cat says:

    First one does it for me…. WTF was this dude thinking?!?!?!? Why anyone would want to spend money, time and go through pain waxing, and then put pubic hair looking feathers on their feet is beyond my imagination. It makes me sad because without all the crazy pube-feathers, it could actually be a hot shoe!

    Number two is just a huge mess but it doesn’t make me wanna hit my head against a wall like the first one does.

  34. Audi says:

    Shoe #1 makes me sadder because by my calculations, each individual wisp of ostrich feather costs approximately $30, and you just know half of them are going to come off within the first 10 minutes of wear, what with them dragging on the ground like that. By the way, an entire ostrich feather can be had for about $4.95 at your local craft store.

  35. Witch Moma says:

    These shoes make me glad. I’ll zip out to Hobby Lobby & dummy some up for next Saturday nite. There’s no way to be wrong, & cost should b around $15 per shoe. Most of the time, fashion is just illusion.

  36. candy says:

    I think the pair with the animal print and feathers is sad, because it reminds us that we are screwing this planet…leopard, feathers…endangered species…

  37. Laughable, yet ghastly. I don’t understand the second pair at all. The Neiman Marcus website needs a writer who knows proper word usage: “discerning crystals”, excuse me?!

  38. Hallie says:

    I’ll go with the first ones, but both are really monstrously ugly.

  39. Emily Bleak says:

    “Not just a sandal–a work of art, a thing of beauty.”

    Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s just a sandal.

    Shoe No. 2 is only somewhat more passable to my eye because it kind-of-sort-of looks like a duotone vagina from the front.

  40. kate says:

    these shoes make me feel happy and empowered, because i know if i wanted shoes like this i could make them myself! i could get cheap stilettos from ross and scraps of fabric and feathers and rhinestones in a baggy from a discount store and glue it all together. i feel good about myself because i know i could actually pull off a project like that, and don’t want to because i like cute shoes, not pieces of shit like this.

  41. Taylor says:

    I think the thing of beauty is worse, though the second one made me immediately think of cocktail napkins for some reason like at a bad wedding/New Years party.

  42. drollgirl says:

    and i mean both of them

  43. Tanya says:

    Discerning cheetah feathers are a crazy colonized South African force to be reckoned with, whereas discerning crystals are just a bad gimmick. I have to go with Pair #2. It’s trying too hard, kind of like Tavi with a Quiji Board. Is that a ‘thing’? I think it should be.

  44. JellieBean says:

    Those shoes disturb me

  45. Brittany says:

    It makes me more sad that these “remarkable” Finsk shoes have sold out at Solestruck.


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