Bad Girl

bad girl 1964


I had a close call the other day, when I came across an expensive and totally inappropriate fashion piece that ignited my fantasy of being an angry schoolgirl.

loser jacketLook at how bad ass this is! I pictured my self wearing it with a white tank top and black jeans.

loser jacket 2It even says ‘loser’ on the front! It’s so ME, I thought. It’s some kind of polyester and costs around $600, but I was THIS CLOSE to buying it.

Then I found a lookbook for the designer, showing sulky young girls wearing the jacket with a Goth Lolita flair, smoking cigarettes and clearly ditching school.

It suddenly occurred to me that I’m not an angry schoolgirl anymore, at least not on the outside.  No one wants to see grandma in her kooky jackets at this point. It was a highly unpleasant epiphany.

I’m still not over it. Yesterday, I waked into my husband’s home ‘office’ wearing a faded pair of Levi’s with a black wife beater and demanded, “DO I LOOK TWENTY-TWO?” He answered Yes, like a dutiful robot, but he may have been trying not to laugh. I don’t even know why I chose 22; it could be Gwyneth Paltrow‘s famous boast of a “butt like a 22 year old stripper.” That’s the kind of statement you can never forget. It’s part of why we all hate her.

beehive photobooth-girl

Sometimes I wonder about the function of fashion, even though I’ve read more than my share of long-winded essays on the subject. What are we really trying to express with the clothes we wear? Our coolness? Our amazing taste or ingenuity? Our credit card limit? Are we trying to project our inner selves or to create a false identity?

Normcore was a great trend, even though it was preposterously stupid. Normcore is like having a private joke with yourself: Haha, I look like a boring Nothing but I’m doing it on purpose, that’s how hip I am!

It’s so much better than the current trend of paying a trillion dollars to look like a bedraggled biker.

I just want to make peace between who I am inside with who I am outside. As if that could happen.


This entry was posted in Disorders, Fashion and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Bad Girl

  1. Marky says:

    I go through this every day, and if I don’t come to the conclusion that the clothes I’m wearing are age-inappropriate, the Good Ed is there to point out that I’m delusional and that I have gray hair and sciatic pain. I need to lose 50% of my wardrobe unless I get a job at Dover Street Market, where my manager would be 23 years old and have the Queen of Hearts tattooed on her temple.

  2. ALI says:

    Hmmm… I just searched for the jacket and found it for $1,495. At least you know you found a deal! I don’t think age has anything to do with it – you’re beautiful. You’re delightful to look at! It would be a pleasure to see a photo of you in that jacket.

    As for “personal style”, for me, if dressing myself in the morning stops being fun, it’s a sure indicator of depression. I don’t think “personal style” is an expression of the “inner self” but the escapism and story telling aspect of it can sometimes make the difference for surviving a dull day. So fuck it! I will continue to buy crap I can’t afford. I can’t afford therapy either, but I still shell out the cash for it every week.


  3. Kate says:

    I think credit card limited says it all when it comes to clothes or the fact you find a uniform that works. I’m striving for a uniform now instead of a look. I’m so wayward and fickle, I’d cheerfully embrace every trend & mini trend going just for the hell of it – for that moment of fashion performance but now in order to find time to not be obsessive on these matters I’m going for a uniform of sorts, built on what I really like and fingers crossed I won’t be charmed by a new look!
    If you like it and would wear it what is there to stop you (apart from the money)- who cares how it has been presented when you can wear it how you want.

    I want to see all grandmas doing as they please x

  4. Dj says:

    Ok…we are “mature”women, but, we are chic…I also get tempted by these clothes…the edgy, the outrageous..however all the hip irony is lost……pain IS pain, not some abstract emotion…what I do to keep with trends as well as shock my uberAustin nieces and nephews is add a little edge to my “curated” ( another word to add to the fuckery list) such as a diamond encrusted skull on a bracelet, a pair of pointed shoes they can’t afford, a vintage leather jacket…everything my pain has paid for! Don’t settle for that cheap jersey top, ratchet it up sista!

  5. Sister Wolf says:

    Marky – Can I have the good Ed?

    Ali – You are a pretty good enabler…and a good detective too! The jacket is now sold out, except for that $1495 version, which has an extra metal Thingie. I don’t think of fashion as escapism, but the actual transaction where I make a purchase is definitely a rush, in a bad way. And here’s something sad: Even when I’m desperately depressed, I still try to look good. I never forget that imperative.

    Kate – Oooh, you’re a great enabler as well! Lucky for me that jacket is sold out. And I LOVE the idea of a uniform. Love. I wear jeans + tshirt every single day, but I don’t think it’s a uniform. It’s just a default to what I know.

    Dj – Oh my! Very inspiring! I have a secret love of gangsta gold teeth and fur jackets. Maybe I’ll just tattoo my knuckles THUG LIFE. Rihanna got that tattoo in pale pink, so it barely shows. Is this a good idea or not?

  6. Dj says:

    Remember, we are sophisticated women, no to the tattoo., at least not on your fingers…you will get tired of it…if you must have gold in your mouth have one discreet molar done, so that it leaves the observer begging for more…fur jacket? Yes…there’s shock and there’s shlock.

  7. annemarie says:

    I always loved clothes. I considered getting dressed in the morning as the easiest and simplest way there to be creative and express how I felt or who I was that particular day. I never saw my interest in clothes and fashion as a problem until I discovered online shopping. now i look at shopping sites every fucking day. I don’t buy shit all the time, but that’s only because i can’t afford to. For the past few years, for me, online window shopping has become an embarrassing, unproductive, and depressing time-suck.

  8. Sister Wolf says:

    JK – I clicked on your link, and now those horrible things are following me around the internet!

    annemarie – How can we get that time back?? We could have painted the Sistine Fucking Chapel with those wasted hours.

  9. Shauna says:

    wtf?! but you beautiful.

    I just don’t understand

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *