Bristol Palin Held Captive

I’ve been wondering where the Republicans have been hiding poor Bristol, and now I know. They’re hiding her on buses and planes, along with her sister, the very hot and soon to be impregnated WIllow Palin.

Wasn’t Bristol supposed to be finishing high school? Oh well, who needs schoolin’.

Why isn’t Bristol allowed to appear with Mrs. P? I just read that Mrs. P brought little Piper onto the Hockey rink where they were booed, in the hopes that no one would boo at a little girl! Mrs. P admitted this, so I guess she still doesn’t think it’s wrong to exploit her children.

Bristol, when your mom turns her back, run like the wind! Actually, make sure you get Trig first, so he can grow up with his real mom.   Don’t bother with that dummy Levi. Let your mom have him, he might come in handy later.

Here’s another nice picture from the McCain Palin tour, with Grandpa enjoying a midget as Cindy looks on, praying for a chance to take some Oxycontin.

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22 Responses to Bristol Palin Held Captive

  1. Sarah P says:


    And what the fuck is going on here?! Does grandpa think that is one his grandchildren? Jesus H. Christ!

  2. hammie says:

    What an all american family. I do hope they get their own reality show on MTV when it all ends next Tuesday. Maybe that is what Sarah Palin meant when she said “she aint doing this for naught”

  3. Wise words to Bristol Sister Wolf!

  4. Juri says:

    I feel sorry for Piper. She’s the only Palin kid that doesn’t know and understand what a pair of hypocritical crooks their mum and dad are. Bristol, Willow and the one they forced to Iraq are perfectly aware of what their family is made of, but poor little Piper is in for a big shock and a probable meth habbit before she gets impregnated by a sunday school classmate .

    Speaking of exploiting children, the 2500 school kids from Defiance School District whom Grandpa bused in to fill the empty seats at his rally, and watch him get ditched by Joe the plumber, must have been excited about being used as propaganda puppets in the best North Korean fashion.

    “Where’s Joe, Where’s Joe…I thought Joe would be here today… well, you’re all Joe the Plumbers now..” HAHAHAHA!!

    Try telling those Ohio kids that it’s wrong to call other people names, now that Grandpa just called them unlicensed tax dodgers on TV.

  5. Sarah P says:

    Well done Juri!

    I feel for Piper as well. The level of Palin’s fucked up plotting still manages to give me the creeps.

    Willow is creepily hot for a 14 year old. Maybe she can be vice president. I think we could bring to our side.

    Todd Palin’s interview on Insider scared the fuck out of me!!! Somehow I had been able to miss what a fucking creepy psycho he is. I just thought he was stupid before. Now Im worried he’s not just a seriel animal killer. I think he might be the Night Stalker of Alaska. In fairness I still think he’s a moron!

    And why the hell are they saying they need to defend Bristol. They should be defending themselves as gross stupid fuck parents. All she did was get knocked by a dude that cleans up very well. If I was stuck with those dickweeds for parents Id probably get knocked by a redneck with potential just to get away too. Especially if my mother stole my baby!

  6. good point, sarah p, todd palin is a total creep.

  7. Cindy’s already had her Oxy; it’s the only way she can stand to share the same air as the Palin family. Notice the pained expression on her face whenever she’s forced to appear next to them?
    And did you hear that Palin offered Bristol’s babysitting services to Tina Fey during Saturday Night Live? For real!
    Tina said no thanks.

  8. enc says:

    That bit that Juri^^ wrote is pretty interesting. I forgot all about seat-fillers, but by now, old Grandpa is scrambling to get the rooms filled up, so it makes perfect sense (?).

  9. Imelda Matt says:

    I’ve gotta agree with iheart, Cindy’s fucked up to the eyeballs on Oxy-she has to be!

  10. OMGGMAB says:

    Cindy has just hung around Grandpa too long. I’d look like her too (even without the oxy) if I had to pretend I was ok with the “long haul” with that dude. Can he even give her any pleasure? I think not with the limited arm movement and all. I’m just sayin’.

    As for Bristol, that chick better be ramping up the tell all book. She’s going to need the money when mommy dearest gets done parading around Bristol’s baby and dumps him on her when the election is finished. Levi has already left for Russia. Good luck, Bristol. Call if you need anything! We only hate your mom. We realize you are a pawn!

  11. Juri says:

    Those hands indeed!!! In spite of Grandpa’s repeated claims (“My friends, I know how to please a woman and an army of plumbers”), I don’t believe he can even reach down and please himself with his hands. Reaching for Cindy would be like reaching for the moon.

    I wonder how long it will take for Cindy to leave Grandpa when she, in a somewhat sober moment after Obama’s victory, realises she will never be the First Lady. I’ll give it a year and predict she’ll run away with an agile forty-something medical doctor.

  12. OMGGMAB says:

    My assessment exactly, Juri! I’m pretty sure he will be a plastic surgeon.

  13. Juri says:

    But what exactly is that midget’s role in Grandpa’s campaign? Is he there to make Grandpa feel tall, or at least not the shortest guy on the plane?

  14. Mark says:

    Yeah, what the hell is that midget doing on the plane? Fuck him.

  15. Imelda Matt says:

    Sister where are ??? there’s two (or three) days to go and we need you!

  16. annemarie says:

    did you all hear the prank call? did you hear her stupid flirtatious giggling? she could barely control herself. i bet her seat was sodden by end of the call.

  17. Juri says:

    there were SO many clues in that call to let her know it was a prank that I almost felt embarassed for her…but no..our Sarah bought it all.

    I betcha Todd was speaking a lot of “French for Tourists” during the night after the call. O la la..

  18. Sarah P. says:

    Oh Annemarie how I’ve missed you! And yes the lovely prank call! What a baffoon or as my mother said, “a doofus.” What the hell is wrong with her?!

  19. OMGGMAB says:

    Dog-gone-it I hate when that happens. Just the other week I was tellin’ Grandpa how good I was gettin’ at understanding all those world leaders and their funny little English accents! Well, darn it all, I am such a good sport. Now who could be calling on that pretty red phone . . .

  20. Sister Wolf says:

    Sarah P – Grandpa enjoys Little People, it makes him feel almost full-sized

    Hammie – “For naught” is now a ruined expression. Thanks, Sarah!

    Make DO- But will she listen?

    Juri – I came THIS CLOSE to feeling sorry for him. Then I snapped out of it.

    Sarah P – YES, Todd is the worst loser and child molester EVER.

    fashionherald – Just stay away from Todd.

    OMGGMAB – Jesus, how can you even think about Grandpa’s hands?!?!

    Juri – Please, Cindy doesn’t want sex any more. Just the drugs.

    Hammie – Noooooooooo.

    Mark – The midget is in the McPalin travelling band. Seriously.

    Imelda Matt- I’m doing my best, I know it’s all up to me, right?

    Annemarie, Juri, Sarah P, OMGGMAB – God bless those pranksters! She could not have been more of a dumbass sucker. We owe a debt to Canada!

  21. Sonja says:

    Have you heard Alec Baldwin’s name for her: Bible Spice. hahaha!

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