Hideous Denim For 2015

denim MM6 Maison Martin Margiela-395

Why is denim so easy to fuck up?

2015 is shaping up to be a ghastly landscape of super ugly denim, in either a misguided nod to normcore or just an expression of creative bankruptcy.

Ugly denim pieces are available at all price points (and note that I am saying ‘price points’ with a sneer.) I’m especially pleased by the really expensive shit, and I pray that idiots everywhere will shell out the big bucks to look like a tragic loser from the 80’s.

I’m talking to you, Taylor Swift!

The monstrosity above is a pair of jeans by Maison Martin Margiela, 395 dollars worth of unflattering ugliness. The high waist, the pale wash, the buttons, I’m going to say a full ten on a one to ten hideousness scale.

Here’s a jacket by Viktor and Rolf, priced right at $995.

denim victor and rolph jacket 995

I think it would be great for Angelina Jolie, don’t you? It’s dowdy, minimalist. and designed to underscore one’s contempt for trends and color.

Now, these winners by One Teaspoon are a solid 9:

denim one teaspoon trashed freebird-139

You’re wondering why they didn’t score a ten, and here’s why: I’m saving it for this sublime eyesore, also by One Teaspoon.

denim one teaspoon-139

Right? Does it get any better than this? And only $139!

Now, midi skirts are inherently awful but this one by Steve and Yoni is pretty damn special:

denim distressed midi skirt steve and yoni-315

What a work of art! $315 for all these design features…the pleated waist, the inverted front pleat, the distressed holes, oh my god, I just noticed the shit on the side. Are they buttons or snaps? I swear I just saw them. Wow.

Okay. Remember Alexa Chung? Here’s a dress she designed for AG Jeans.

denim alexa chung dress-230

Nice. It’s $230 for that icky cheap looking fabric. The elasticized ruffle: Priceless.

Finally, because I’m tired, just one more. A denim dress by Club Monaco.

denim dress club monoco-198

Try not to get sidetracked by her emaciated thighs. Instead, marvel at how someone in 2015 will race to buy this pointless, drab, unflattering piece of shit for $198.

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12 Responses to Hideous Denim For 2015

  1. Andra says:

    Well, there’s my laugh for the day.
    Many thanks.

  2. Suspended says:

    Haha….the skirt could have been worse, it could have been culottes.

    Margiela wins for me. The ultimate drab “Mom” garment from the 80’s. “Hey, look, I can still fit in these.” Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you should wear them.

  3. ali says:

    my bf’s texan ex needs all of these

  4. Marky says:

    I know it’s bad, but I kind of like the jacket by Viktor and Rolf. The rest are vile.

  5. Cricket9 says:

    Well, that’s a really good portion of horrendous ugliness! I don’t think I will be able NOT to laugh hysterically at a mention of “Maison Martin Margiela”. What a piece of crap, Monsieur Martin! I’m sure that wearing One Teaspoon creations would get me without questions asked into our local soup kitchen; there probably would be also a fundraiser to buy me a new pair of pants. Club Monaco surprised me, they usually have better looking stuff in nicer fabrics, overpriced, but not hideous. Well, maybe they want to become the Canadian Maison Martin Margiela…

  6. Bevitron says:

    Sister Wolf it is a testament to how much I love you that I am devoted to your blog even though I don’t know or care too much of a shit about fashion. You make it so entertaining that I’ve started investigating references to designers and whatnot just so I can keep up (is that what they call them still? or is it ‘fashioneers’ or something), but I’m too far behind and anyhow I know I could never fool you.

    Sooooo, if I’m honest, those high-waist, tragic loser from the 80’s flood pants? Got a pair almost exactly like them, from the actual 80’s, & wear them all the time. Out in public. I wonder…does their authenticity give me a pass? Or does wearing them brazenly un-ironically just intensify the tragic aspect? Actually that’s okay because I’m pretty sure I lack the energy to start dressing myself in any kind of meaningful way.

    The skirt gives me a weirdly sad and anxious feeling, like I deliberately threw out old light bulbs in the same bag as the regular garbage. It cries out for a belt and clogs. The truncated jacket-thing looks like somebody took scissors to one of Kim Jong-un’s greatcoats.

  7. kellie says:

    I think we should be all about those mega-ripped pants. Its like you are wearing clothes, but are still managing to be nearly naked.
    I felt like I was looking at an x-ray somehow.

    So ugly, all of them. And yet there will be people who will somehow say “OMG-this is exactly what I was looking for”

    scary

  8. Those One Teaspoon things are unbelievably hideous. I can barely take my eyes off them. I think they are directed at those people who will wear them and think ‘I’m so beautiful I can even pull off these’. That’s the only way I can make sense of it. Cryptic fashion.

  9. Sister Wolf says:

    Jez – Incredible!!!!! Thank you!

  10. anuki says:

    So i was casually browsing through ‘fashion blogs” to make myself feel worse about my sense of style and my life.
    Came across this one of a kind blog! Is it just me or do her legs and body look photoshopped?? Notice the whitish/blur surrounding some of her pictures.I mean DO YOU NEED to look skinny even when you’re pregnant?

    http://pinkpeonies.com/paradise/

    Btw,Love your blog! You’re hilarious! xoxo

  11. Skye says:

    Everyone around here is wearing those skinny jeans with the slits across the knees which just make them look like they’ve gone She-Hulk on their pants. Do not want.

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