If You Can Pronounce ‘Balmain’ Correctly

Before you complain about the $13,776 price tag, consider the close-up view of this vest:

“Take your ___  cues from ___  and wear this  ___  style with  ____ attitude – think  ___  pants  and  ____  heels.”

Replace the missing words (the ones I found most irritating) with better ones!

P.S. My size is sold out.


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17 Responses to If You Can Pronounce ‘Balmain’ Correctly

  1. Sam says:

    I think the word ‘crap’ works quite well in all instances.

  2. Kellie says:

    Do a search for “pearly king and queens” on Google.
    Its some weird English thing.
    Thats what this seems to be.
    But uglier, and so stupidly expensive. I cant believe there are people who can and will buy this.

  3. Sister Wolf says:

    Kellie – I LOVE pearly kings and queens! I would like to take my sartorial cues from them, but I’m not cockney enough.

  4. Sister Wolf says:

    Sam – Hahaahahaha, that does work.

  5. annemarie says:

    who are the people who buy/wear this shite?

  6. cat says:


  7. BethUK says:

    Pearly Kings and Queens. That’s exactly what I thought. It a great look for a cockney but doesn’t translate so well outside London.

  8. Suspended says:

    Pearly Kings & Queens outfits tend to be made up of MOP buttons. This has more of a Russian vibe to it.

    I’d suggest a few replacement words but I’m afraid the existing ones have clouded my mind with illness. Perhaps you should “curate” all of these words Sister and publish them in a Big Book Of English Language Douches and Don’ts.

  9. I was going to say take your cues from the pearly kings & queens but I’ve been beaten to it. So how about….wear this style while you’re doing the Lambeth Walk?

  10. regularstarfish says:

    It looks like something Elton John would wear.

  11. Hammie says:

    Pearly Queen much?

  12. “Take your humanitarian cues from Cruella deVille and wear this totally narcisistic style with your best “fuck you starving Africans” attitude – think Bengal tiger skin pants and solid ivory heels.”

  13. Molly says:

    I literally feel dumber after reading these descriptions in the jacket section. . . Net-A-Porter girls are just so damn irreverent.

    “Embroidered with a tonal ‘KA-POW’ motif, this coverup nods to the ever stylish Pop Art movement. Wear yours with skinny leather pants to balance the oversized proportion, rolling up the sleeves for an irreverently cool finish.”

    “Nod to the irreverent runway styling and wear it draped over your shoulders with a classic tee and lustrous pencil skirt. ”

    “Reference the catwalk and create an irreverently cool outfit with precision-cut shorts and slick brogues. ”

    “Give it a tomboy twist with relaxed jeans and glossed high-tops for weekend shopping. ”

    “Exude smart city style by teaming yours with the matching skirt and towering pumps.”

  14. dana says:

    MR: wow!!!

  15. Suspended says:

    We have a winner! Madam Restora hahaha

  16. Danno says:

    “Take your PTA Fall Festival fashion cues from Sean P. Diddy Combs/Anna Wintour/Lady Gaga(you know she already bought this shit) and wear this fanciful fishing vest style with a completely-detached-from-reality attitude. Think fur rimmed tweed, no pants, and armadillo heels. (Please remember to bring the veggie tray and juice boxes.)”

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