The Horror of Sex

I had another bad dream a few nights ago that was not only horrible but also embarrassing. I’m not sure whether one can be held responsible for dream content. I would never choose such an idiotic and reprehensible dream.  I couldn’ t even tell my husband for days.

In the dream, I was in a bedroom with a fat woman who I was pretending to like for some reason. We were cuddling, and I didn’t mind it until it got sexual. I was very anxious and told her to stop. She asked why and I blurted out, “Because you’re a woman!”  The next thing I knew, she was on the other side of the room and she had turned into an angry clown, the kind we all fear and loathe. The clown took out it’s dick which was around three feet long and more like a baseball bat. He snarled, “Now you’ll be sorry.” I started to cry and woke up.

Well! I don’t have to tell you that I have no interest in being raped by a clown, or even a fat woman. A friend of mine gave me a far-fetched analysis involving rejection and guilt. Now I’m worried that the woman was my mother, and the clown was my father. But it might all be the consequence of looking at old circus photos for hours on end.

Maybe I’m at the point where I’m creeped out by sex. I love Tumblr and can’t seem to give it up, but the sheer quantity of tits and asses is overwhelming. Not to mention the unexpected animated GIF’s of men blowing each other and Japanese women bound up in rope. What’s the deal with this? Doesn’t anyone else feel kind of exhuasted by these images? There are only so many asses I need to see bent over a chair. Am I just too old to appreciate random asses?

And the tits, god, after a while it seems so tragic. Some poor woman in the 1950’s, displaying her gigantic tits like pies at a county fair, it’s just not a happy sight. Obviously, I can’t sympathize with the male point of view. Men seem to need tits to look at, 24/7,  irrespective of context.

As a married person, I think of sex as inseparable from intimacy. Without intimacy, it’s all clowns with baseball bats.

I wish I could end on that note but that would be dishonest.  I would be leaving out the more recent dream where a friend asked me to babysit his pony, who was a delightful cartoon character of some kind. Everything was great until the pony offered me its services. Of course I declined in horror, and wondered what the hell my friend had been up to.

Forgive me. It’s not my fault.


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22 Responses to The Horror of Sex

  1. littlebadwolf says:

    calling dr. freud, calling dr. freud.

  2. self leaks says:

    with tumblr, you always get what you want. It’s a visual conversation. In 2 years I saw very few tits and asses or fashion (horrors) because i didn’t want to. Personally, i wasn’t posting too much. It’s like being invasive with your followers. I used to share the same passion for tumblr and visual literacy, but today i only see/hear the same litany. Scrolling up and down my dashboard, it’s like masturbating a slippery dick.

    have fun and badbadnotgood dreams

  3. Marky says:

    “As a married person, I think of sex as inseparable from intimacy. Without intimacy, it’s all clowns with baseball bats.” Well said.

    I’m glad you woke up when you did.

  4. Bex says:

    I keep picturing the “It” clown and the “Poltergeist” clown swinging their baseball bats…Thanks SW, I’m gonna lock all the doors when A. goes to work tonight..!

  5. Muscato says:

    Lately, I keep having dreams where I’m wandering by accident into ladies’ rooms (some of which then morph into restaurants, nightclubs, and tawdry bars, which sounds fun but in the dreams is just unnerving). That’s bad enough; I think if there were clowns, too, I wouldn’t sleep for a week…

  6. Deni says:

    I can no longer watch movies or TV with a lot of gore and violence. The violence creeps into my subconsciousness and it disturbs my sleep and my soul.

    Turn the bad images off and try some serene, peaceful images. It’s time for a change.


  7. Beannie says:

    Don’t worry about the dreams. We are all perverts in our ways.

    PS isn’t pervert a foul sounding word?

  8. Bevitron says:

    I don’t know anything about Tumblr and I’m not savvy with the psychology, but when a person is extraordinarily vulnerable, isn’t that when ‘the veil is thin’ and the stuff that’s always been scary – rape, fat, clowns, baseball bat sized dicks, tragic tits, bestiality – has a custom made space to slouch into? I don’t think you’d need to give Tumblr up, but maybe it would be good to give the visual cortex a rest and use another sense for a while (maybe auditory?) to give the overworked parts a rest. Confuse the gray matter (or is it the white…) so the shit can’t get a purchase.

    But don’t listen to me; I don’t know what I’m talking about, as usual.

  9. David Duff says:

    I think this post was very Clownist!

    And whatever else you do about your dreams, do not, under any circumstances, go anywhere near that daft, old bugger, Freud, or any of his even dafter acolytes. They’ll drive you truly mad!

  10. candy says:

    We all have erotic dreams, yours seem more like nightmares but it says a lot about your personality. Medically speaking, sexual dreams are related to anxiety, any kind of anxiety. I looked it up in the past when a doc told me I have anxiety and googled it when I used to have those dreams. By the way, your analysis is what you make of it, because you alone know the answer,Sis.
    I would say the fact that it was a fat woman is what scares you. If you notice you talk about weight a lot in your blog. I have read you a lot and you seem to be open to conversations about sex, which is why you dream of a clown too,meaning a clown is the last person/thing/character you want to see in a dream about sex. I would say clowns are scary even to children but they are also unexpected, you don’t see them often walking in the streets unless you work at a circus.
    The anxiety you are experiencing is fear of rejection for being “fat” (which you are not) and the clown is the metaphore of the fun and amusement you don’t get to experience and that scares you. A clown is not a serious entity,you feel guilty about having fun in the bedroom.
    You chose a clown because a clown is scary so you don’t have to confront your emotions about being open to him,as you project your fears unto him(he is fear hinself). If it would have been an handsome man, the analysis would be different.
    My analysis ismy opinion only. I like analysing dreams. I need to see ifI can find an analysis online about this dream.I never dreamt of clown.

  11. candy says:

    found this :
    “To dream of clown means light-heartedness, and a childish side to your own character. The countenance of the clown is a reflection of your own feelings and emotions. Whether it is a happy clown or a sad clown, that will help guide you through how you may be feeling. If you dream that you have a fear of clowns it means a mysterious person in your life who mean you harm. Somebody you know may not be who they appear to be. Or somebody may be pretending to be somebody they are not and are hiding under a facade. To dream of an evil clown means a fear of embarrassment, or that people will laugh at you. To dream of being raped by a clown means your sense of powerlessness to stop feeling embarrassed. To dream you dress like a clown means jealousy and envy toward someone you know. To dream you dress like a clown and wipe the make-up off means jealousy and envy which has been revealed and brought out in the open for all to see.”

    ” To dream of being raped by a clown means your sense of powerlessness to stop feeling embarrassed”

  12. patni says:

    As a married person, I think of sex as inseparable from intimacy. Without intimacy, it’s all clowns with baseball bats.”
    as a single person I feel this too, and it makes it all kind of a problem.

  13. cat says:

    That clown in the picture looks like the puppet in the Madonna Erotica video. Is it just me or does the creepy little fucker’s eyes move? *shudder*

    Don’t worry about the dreams. I’ve had some that I would be too mortified to talk about. I’d say we probably all do.

  14. As for the tits and asses part (from a male point of view), there is some contemporary thought from a number of evolutionary anthropologists and zoologists that as Early Humans evolved to being primarily bipedal (as opposed to the almost exclusively quadrupedal orientation of nearly all mammals), the location of the vulva began to shift from a roughly dorsal to a position closer to the ventral side of the human female body. Humans being extremely complex in their social interactions with each other (especially in sexual behaviors, rituals, etc.), this particular change happened within a few million years; a very short time indeed in evolutionary time. In order to compensate for the mammalian/quadrupedal orientation and placement of the vulva (best served by a ‘4 on the floor’ sexual position) to a more bipedal, front-facing orientation, the breasts of human females began to take on a more full and rounded contour (compared with many other quadrupedal mammals; i.e. dogs, cats, rats, Mandrills, Baboons, etc. ). Nature began to draw the attention of human males to the front of the human female for intercourse by using a visual trick to encourage ‘Missionary Position’, or face-to-face coupling. The visual inducement in question was to create rounded breasts with a clearly defined cleavage between them to hearken back to the days of quadrupedal intercourse; specifically the cleavage of the buttocks. When a contemporary human male has face-to-face intercourse with a human female, he is reminded of these earlier ‘rear approach’ delights by the appearance of the woman’s breasts mimicking the appearance of her buttocks. In this way, all of the previous programming inside the male brain (sexual cues of physiological changes in a woman’s body, the ebb and flow of her sexual desires over her fertile years, etc.) that had evolved over many millions of years is preserved by redirecting a few visual cues to the front of the woman’s body. The increased and even more complex socializing that is now permitted by face-to-face intercourse is thought to have co-evolved with language, as well (love poetry, pillow-talk, feedback systems of arousal and acknowledgement of pleasure, which would have been more diffused in a more traditional mammalian mating posture).

    Bottom line: for men: tits are subliminal asses.

  15. Elena A. says:

    “As a married person, I think of sex as inseparable from intimacy. Without intimacy, it’s all clowns with baseball bats.”

    I feel the same and I´m single… Unfortunately women like this are “weirdos” for the other people nowadays…

  16. Juri says:

    At least your dreams are interesting and you remember them! I would kill for a disturbing sex dream. On a typical night I wake up at 2 am, toss around for an hour or so and fall asleep for a couple of hours before the alarm goes off at 5 am without remembering a thing. The only recent dream I haven’t forgotten had me and Charlie Sheen on a rocky beach somewhere.

    Charlie wanted to take a swim. The second he hit the water I knew he would be in trouble, and he was. Crocodiles. He barely made it back on dry land but he still managed to do a somersault before landing on his feet. I found it annoying. Then the crocodiles took a nap and I told Charlie we must kill them.

    Sadly, we only had one knife so we had to take turns slitting their throats. Then I woke up and did my best to be ready for another day at the office.

  17. Moolissa says:

    I unsubscribed from a Tumblr I followed that featured a lot of softcore imagery like the ones you describe. I was feeling the same way you did, like Lisa Kudrow’s Aunt Sassy character on her show The Comeback. “I don’t need to see that!” (Do you know Aunt Sassy? God, I loved that show.) Anyhow, I would feel that way, and then I’d judge and analyze myself for being too “hung up” or “Purritanical”. Finally I hit a point where I was like, IDGAF. I yam what I yam, and I’m sick of seeing other people’s titties. Titties are beautiful, titties are nice. I love em. I have em. I don’t need to see that. Show me some damn butterflies or sepia photographs of scenes from Imperialist Russia. No more T & A, unless it’s mine bumpin with the anatomy of a brilliant, sexy, kind dude who can cook.

  18. Moolissa says:

    “Purritanical” = catlike
    “Puritanical” = what i meant

    Love you, Sister W.

  19. looby says:

    I don’t think sex is *inseperable* from intimacy–I don’t feel intimate with the women whose pictures I like wanking over when my girlfriend isn’t around–but it makes the best actual sex going, and is an indispensable part of the latter.

    My girlfriend isn’t slim by any means, but she turns me on, and thank fuck she doesn’t go on about being fat, which is the best way to a sexless relationship going. Men are far less judgemental about women than women are about themselves.

  20. Sister Wolf says:

    Muscato – I would gladly trade dreams, although I hate for you to lose sleep.

    Juri – Hahahahahahhahahaha.

    Candy – Oh dear.

    Bevitron – You’re always right. I wish I would follow your advice.

    Sardonique – I think we have discussed this before. In any case, can’t the male brain think more about football and cars and beer or something?

    Moolissa – YES YES dammit, sepia and Imperialist Russia!!!

    looby – Oh fuck you. Go have your Wednesday wank.

  21. Vicki says:

    ha ha ha ha, many thanks for making me laugh … again

  22. Supermouse says:

    I think you fear the politically correct definition of woman and want the definition to change, as many people do, to something that speaks life to women. Hence the term validate, which literally means “speak life,” as opposed to condemn, which literally means, “with damnation.”

    You might feel trapped between wishing for poetic revenge (I’m not going to become that! Go away! Everything sides with me) and the pressure to be a victim (I fear the dick of judgment! Everything sides with them). I think you should just be yourself, because the bad images and society’s love for them are going to go away someday.

    Live! Liiiiiivvvvee! You have the power! *Phenomenal* woman!

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