The other day, I was devising a plan to get an acquaintance to admit that he will never drive to my house. I would put him on the spot by issuing an open invitation, saying, “Just pick any day that you’d like to come over and that will be fine!”
Ha, I thought. What then? That’ll fuck him up!
My husband pointed out that the acquaintance would just say, “Let’s talk after the holidays.”
Then he asked me what good it would do to get this guy to admit the truth.
Let’s pause here.
I have some questions.
Do you like to hear the truth?
Are you annoyed when you know someone is not being straight with you?
Do you practice denial in your daily life?
Do you respect other people’s right to practice denial?
Do you try to avoid being frank about unpleasant things?
And of course: Can you handle the truth?
I can’t handle the untruth. One of my most obnoxious traits is that I go around trying to get people to admit stuff.
There’s a song by Jane’s Addiction called “Ted, Just Admit it“that refers to Ted Bundy, the serial killer who wouldn’t admit to his crimes until just before he was executed.
I think of the title all the time, when someone is expecting me to accept some bullshit, however insignificant. JUST ADMIT IT TED, I feel like yelling. In fact, I think I have yelled it a couple times.
No one likes a friend who acts like a cross examining prosecutor but that doesn’t stop me.
Why can’t everybody just admit everything?
Is Oedipus an allegory about the price of knowing the truth? What about the story of Adam and Eve? Why are there so many myths that reinforce the idea that ignorance is bliss?
The truth might not set you free but it will make me feel better. I just want to hear it and get it over with.
Admit that you’re tired of this confession, which is territory I have already covered, sort of.
Admit that you don’t care about bad faith, as defined in existentialism.
Admit your deepest secret, at least to yourself, and see how liberating it is.
Admit everything, except in a court of law or a 12 step meeting or if your boss finds out you haven’t been filing those things but instead you just threw them in a box somewhere because you were busy fucking around online. Then you should just keep your mouth shut.
On the other hand there are instances when being indirect is… Like my recently evicted neighbor who is in need of serious professional help asked me to have coffee (and to see her crystal collection, and to go fishing, and to take a road trip, and to loan her money…). Others were present when she asked this so I felt like a flat “no” would be too impolite so I gave the softer “I’ll think about it” which everyone not-crazy should know means “no” and those who are crazy can interpret in such a way that they won’t be tempted to set your pets on fire.
I don’t think this applies to your situation, but maybe your friend does.
I like wind chimes.
Oedipus: Greek wanking material that got elevated to world literature.
Adam & Eve: allegory for childhood and the importance of accepting parental authority.
OK, we (the world) will get back to you about admitting it (everything) after the Holidays…no, of course, that’s stupid. I admit it. But, think about this, you see or know people you want to admit something, so you keep after them. They don’t want to tell you, so they keep lying and avoiding the truth. That…is…the…game. I look forward to everyone’s keeping playing their best game in 2017.
I like my secrets
Deny deny deny
I don’t want to hear explanations
Ones wrongdoing, inadmission, lying by omission is their burden, don’t give it to me so you can feel better
Merry whatever…..
Demanding to know the truth, is that kind of like a version of what the PopPsych people used to call back in the early 70’s, “Now I’ve got you, you son of a bitch”? Or was that the one where you say something shitty to a person and they come after you…I always got those mixed up.
You said back in your Thanksgiving Epiphany number 2 that you shouldn’t ever get yourself in a position to hear what other people don’t like about you. I worry that prying loose the truth that makes you feel better can inflict collateral damage, be careful.
I’m going to keep on propping myself up with all the denials and illusions I need to face more days and I guess I expect everybody else to do the same. I figure the person who comes along and gets at my ugliest monster truths is gonna be some total stranger I bump into who’s feeling particularly insightful that day. Eh, if it happens, it happens.
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