Let’s Cleanse Our Palates With Denim

lets cleanse our palates with denimAs we struggle with a rising national nausea that’s about to hit its apex, let’s calm our acid reflux with some very special denim.

Above, a jacket by Y’s, a line by Yohji Yamamoto. At only $699, it’s a good price for this brand.  Who can finish this sentence:

Sleeves like this are great because _________

Next is an offering from the fabulously popular and overpriced DSQUARED2.

lets cleanse our palates with denimThis is the Cool Girl Cropped Jeans,$775.

Layers of shredded denim lend a patched and worn look to these signature DSQUARED2 Cool Girl cropped jeans. 5-pocket styling. Button fly.

Oh, don’t be so modest, Shopbop! Tell us about the strategic distressing and the bleach stains! Believe me, these jeans will scream Cool Girl no matter what a lame-ass you really are. Worth every penny.

Finally, a nice poke in the eye at a friendly price point. Behold the Turn Up Culottes by EDIT.

lets cleanse out palates with denimFixed, exaggerated cuffs lend an avant-garde touch to these pleated, high-rise EDIT culottes. Slant hip pockets and welt back pockets. Button closure and zip fly.

Welp, they are nothing if not avant-garde, where avant-garde means hideous. I love the pleats, which ensure a bloated look around the middle. The rear view is just as flattering.

lets cleans our palates with denimWho doesn’t want to create this indelible memory when exiting a room?

At only $275, the culottes are a great deal, using the standard formula e (eyesore) x p (price) ÷ sv (shock-value) + u (unwearability) x ? + s (sadness)2 .

 

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10 Responses to Let’s Cleanse Our Palates With Denim

  1. .5Mark-E says:

    All dumb.
    Sadly, Junya Watanabe’s takes on Levi’s have seemed kind of desperate lately. There are some I wouldn’t even wear.

  2. .5Mark-E says:

    Wait! Those black denim pants that accompany the Y’s jacket with the too-long sleeves need a post of their own. Vile. And likely $1200.

  3. Emily says:

    These leave me perplexed. I’m also wondering why I’m not a fashion designer? All this time I tricked myself into thinking I didn’t have the talent. Robbed!

  4. Beannie says:

    … you will never run out of a place to rub your nose when you have a cold.

  5. Bevitron says:

    Those sleeves are great because you can wipe your nose for weeks without having to buy a box of Kleenex.

  6. Dj says:

    Isn’t the top design a denim straight jacket??

  7. Dj says:

    Clearly the Yamamoto design is a denim straight jacket.

  8. Suspended says:

    God almighty, I don’t know how you do it but you always manage to outdo your last hideous denim post. Given the high standard of outright eye assault you maintain, that takes some talent.

    Sleeves like this are great because the police can’t see I’m holding swords.

    Those culottes!!

  9. Kellie says:

    Sleeves like this are great for self flagellation. One should be expecting punishment when wearing something so ludicrous. Might as well just do it yourself.

    Also, would be good for swishing away flies, if you are on your camel riding across the desert.

    Also also, would be an ideal bondage straight jacket.

  10. miha says:

    Sleeves like this are great because..

    One would only wear them in the first place if they had hit rock bottom and the sleeves provide instantaneous flight-mode to escape from self-induced misery. Great for when your therapist is on summer vacation in Belarus.

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