Met Gala 2014 Exegesis


Why doesn’t anyone tell Donatella that she looks like a Muppet? Is she too important? Or is it just too painful to deal with?

I know I’d want someone to tell me.  If I went around looking like a Muppet, it would mean that I had lost my mind and needed help. Maybe celebrities in the fashion world don’t like to help each other.

I like helping. I am here to help, you could even say. So, here comes my exegesis of tonight’s event:

Katie Holmes, are you fucking blind???

katie holmes  yellow

God, get Tom’s stylists, can’t you? You will never live this one down.

Kristen Stewart, I don’t want to hear your excuse. There is no excuse. Zero out of ten.


Kim K,  you look like a big blue whale. Super not-good. Please, please, go away.

Costume Institute Gala Benefit celebrating Charles James: Beyond Fashion, Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, America - 05 May 2014

Lots of other attendees looked awful, crazy, or boring. Johnny Depp looked awful, crazy and alarmingly ancient. That girl will definitely dump him. Who wants to put some money on it? Lupita Nyongo wore a tragic outfit by Prada that looked like a bad Halloween costume for an Indian Maiden, but everyone had to go “You know, she pulled it off, that’s how great she is!”

The obvious winner, who does not need my help, was Bee Shaffer, who outdid herself in a beautiful regal gown with a long train. Bryanboy called it early in the evening. Let’s all admire Bee while we try to forgive her mother for being Anna Wintour.


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15 Responses to Met Gala 2014 Exegesis

  1. Sam says:

    You da man!

  2. Iram says:

    Kim looks like she wrapped some silk bed sheets around herself and tied it with a belt…. and damn that slit is high, I don’t want to know what happens when she walks.

  3. Heidi says:

    I’m still cracking up that Gwenyth ditched the Gala because people noticed her B.O. last year.

  4. Andrea says:

    Spot on! You said exactly what I was thinking.

  5. Dj says:

    Well well, there goes the neighborhood…celebrity trash, wannabees, hideous clothes and costumes. Back in the early 80s I went to the costume institute galas and they were NOTHING like this sideshow! It was mainly the rich,chic and elegant patrons ( me excluded, but I did wear a wonderful form fitting black velvet suit I got for $45 at a lower east side shop). A few celebrities, not the mawkish mob that trounce up the steps and look for paparazzi. Beautiful people who wouldn’t give these people the time of day…American society has devolved…

  6. Aja says:

    You know I didn’t let Lupita slide! You know that!

  7. Dj says:

    Oops, mawkish was not quite the right word!

  8. Erika says:

    I’ve been saying it for the last year, Johnny Depp is turning into an old woman. We need to stop pretending ex still hot. It’s over.

  9. annemarie says:

    Yeah, that’s a great dress. I hate the dresses that, to use the phrase beloved of People magazine, “channel old Hollywood,” but this one is saved by awesome white explosion and the cool draping.

  10. Dru says:

    Donatella actually looks frightening, looking like an old bag is preferable to, well, this. That face was not meant for HD!

    I actually hate Bee Schaffer’s gown, it’s boring and looks like it belongs at the Oscars (plus satin – and ice-blue satin at that, even Sarah Burton can’t entirely salvage that shit).

    I don’t mind some of the wtfs either, as long as they’re not boring – Lupita was a total wtf but it’s still preferable to showing up in some boring column dress or whatever. And I loved Kirsten Dunst’s dress – those Rodarte sisters may technically have the dressmaking skills of children who failed their art class, but putting the Death Star on a dress for an evening as fancy as this is nothing short of awesome.

  11. Eek says:

    yes, it is too scary and awful to tell Donatella because there is no longer anything she can do. what she has done to her face is totally irreversible

    i really appreciate your saying that some fashion people or celebs look simply crazy and not too chic for us to comprehend. many do look deranged at big bashes and no one ever actually says this.

  12. ali says:

    I actually like the yellow dress. “Such an amazing POP OF COLOR”.

    No Texan bloggers were quoted in the making of this comment.

  13. Sister Wolf says:

    ali – Olivia Munn wore a yellow dress, something cheap like DVF, but she looked GORGEOUS. Huge crush on her.

  14. Sister Wolf says:

    Dru – Kirsten Dunst, yep, that was definitely a cool dress and she looked great.

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