Not Just Stupid But Age Inappropriate

When I saw these boots online,  my heart started racing. Literally. I’m lucky I didn’t have a stroke.

Because I’m old. O.L.D. Too old for these Union Jack boots, even though I love Union Jacks, from a graphic standpoint and because some of my happiest years were in London.

I ordered the boots in two sizes, because with free shipping and returns, who cares? When they came today, I was amazed at how much they looked like the pictures online. Even more so, actually!

I stood up for only a moment before realizing I could never walk in them. The heels are at least 6 inches high. I’m too old to get up and measure them but trust me. I thought the platforms would help but they didn’t.  I was way up in the clouds, far far away from the ground that I desperately don’t want to fall on.

I showed them to my husband before putting them back in the box. He tried not to smirk and quickly looked away.

What does he know?! I thought.

Later, he shared his epiphany about the boots: I’m just too old for them.

I’m pretty sure this is a first. We talk about aging and how we plan to continue doing it. We don’t want to be slobs and we don’t want to change our respective styles. We don’t want to be deluded assholes, though. And so far, so good.

But now I felt defensive about the stupid boots. I insisted that if only I could walk in them, I could make them “work.” I would wear them with long wide jeans, and only the toes would show. IT WOULD BE A POP OF FUCKING COLOR, ALRIGHT?

He was dubious and I took it as a vote of no-confidence in my taste and self-awareness. Like I might suddenly wear black lipstick and a mini-dress with a lampshade on my head. Like I don’t know what I’m doing.

Or do I?

Tell me the truth: Are the boots a sign of senility or a grave miscalculation? Or both or neither? Don’t hold back.


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17 Responses to Not Just Stupid But Age Inappropriate

  1. Ellie says:

    It’s tough because they are a bit spice girls (which I like) but part of me can’t forgive the union jack and everything done in its name. Since the brexit referendum last summer I can’t see it without current connotations. Wearing those in London today would be like wearing trump-themed shoes or something.
    I don’t think you’re too old for them though.

  2. Christine says:

    Keep the boots. Wear with miniskirt, lampshade, black lipstick.

  3. Dana says:

    Too incoherent to provide meaningful advice because my husband died two weeks ago. Random thoughts:
    In that top photo they make your foot look like a uj club -not good
    Can a shoemaker lower the heel and raise the platform?
    Never mind. I don’t even wear my flatforms or platform wedges anymore. They are too damn dangerous at my age. Which is 48. And I do not have time for uncomfortable shoes.
    I love the fluevog truth family for low heels plus wicked points (own 5 diff pairs-fellow shopping disorder)

  4. Sister Wolf says:

    Dana – Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss! How are you managing? I’m glad to be able to distract you, however briefly! xo

  5. Dj says:

    Hmmmmm, let me think…we are the same age, I don’t want to be mistaken for old, I want to stay current and edgy. But, I personally don’t like the boots…they remind me of Kiss in the 80s…I think at this age there’s a fine line between cool sophistication and batty eccentric. Lower heels don’t mean old, I’ve been wearing flats all my life. I would rather wear something more chic, not clunk…’re too petit for those monsters! I don’t think Mack would like them on you…..

  6. Stephanie says:

    Enshrine ’em in a lucite box and place on your mantle.

  7. Mr. Picodogg says:

    You have wonderful taste, nobody could fault that. I think some things are best left to men and women still eligible to be on their parents health plan, or Joe Cocker at Woodstock.

  8. jackandaisy says:

    i turn 60 this year and i could not wear them to get the mail. and that involves 4 steps and about 10 feet of driveway. they would look nice if you could put them on a bookcase or side table but they might just mock you. i feel young inside but the bod says differently. i read you all the time and rarely comment. you are in my thoughts a lot.

  9. Patty says:

    Make one boot into a lamp and the other into a planter. Tell people you wore the boots in the 80s.

  10. Suspended says:

    Part of my brain is telling me I should hate them, but I don’t. They’re fun and metallic and they transcend age (they’re a bit wacky at any age.)

    If you can walk in them, I think you could pull them off no problem! Fitted jeans, small, fitted suit jacket and a mini bowler hat, all in black.

    I say practice like fuck in them and then phone your husband from the street and tell him to look out the window as you do a sprint up the path towards him; like a fashion athlete!

    ‘Too old’ is a state of mind. I know 24yr olds that talk about being too old for stuff. Don’t live in that state! It’s full of fucking morons.

  11. Dana says:

    Ty so much- he had cancer for 2.5 years which honestly saved our marriage…long sordid tale. You are pure delight

  12. Dj says:

    Sister! Missing responses!

  13. Jess says:

    I shouldn’t like them but I think I do. They are very Gucci Resort 2017 (the Carnaby Street, Skinhead, Sloane Ranger, Punk influenced collection) so you could style them up that way with jeans and a beige trenchcoat…

  14. Kellie says:

    They are fantastic! Do not let anyone tell you differently! I debate the “age appropriate ” thing too. I have decided that I dont care.
    I just no longer care if I am appropriate or not!!!
    Run wild SF!!!

  15. David Duff says:

    I have it on the highest authority that Her Maj approves – need I say more?!

  16. Sister Wolf says:

    Jess – YES, EXACTLY, Gucci resort was what I had in mind! Thank you for knowing that!

    David Duff – Not a word. But please apologize to Her for Donald.

    Ellie -Oh no, I didn’t even know it was a Spice girls reference! And I see what you mean about Brexit. Shit.

    Christine – Hahahahahahaha

    Dj – Yeah, batty eccentric fills me with horror. Not ever what I’m going for.

    Stephanie – Great idea. Bot at $270, had to send em back.

    Mr Picodogg – Okay but no about Joe Cocker, I want those boots and I will find them.

    Jackand daisy – Yep, yep, yep. Thank you for sticking with me xo

    Patty – If they were free, yes!

    Suspended – Ah, What a great outfit you produced, flawless. But all the practice in the world would not keep me from losing my balance. Sitting in a chair, then I could carry that off.

    Kellie – Thank you for seeing how great they are. I guess I don’t really care about appropriate – it’s more the dread of being a character on Advanced Style.

  17. Torpe says:

    Wellllll, I like them. I couldn’t pull them off, but I think you could. There’s no such thing as too old, fuck that shit.

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