Oh My God, What an Awful Year!

William Blair Bruce, 1901

Maybe if you aren’t American, 2017 was about something other than Donald Trump. I can barely imagine that. Here in the US, we wake up every morning in a state of dread. What did he do now? Who has he insulted? What inch of progress has he dragged back by a yard?

Some of you are able to go about your day without watching the news, and I envy you. I know I could wait until evening to find out the latest breach of decency but I want to get my hit asap, while it’s still fresh. I want to see the modulated horror on the pundits’ faces. I want to see them try to contain their disgust. I like knowing that I’m not alone in this.

My personal life seems inconsequential, and it literally is, more and more. I have lost friends to distance or apathy or Because cunt. My community is a long way from where I used to live, and I’ve stopped driving. I feel like a shut-in even though I do get out occasionally. I’m not expecting anything to happen, like a new job or relationship or project or vacation. I’m just coasting.

I’m trying to learn how to stop ruminating about the same old shit. Walking backwards is supposed to help. I’m taking probiotics and calcium when I can remember them. But in general, I don’t feel present in my own life.

Politics is another matter.

The Trump situation is an all-consuming and immediate vortex of fear and rage. Why can’t anyone make it stop? Why has the Republican party gone crazy en masse? Why aren’t they terrified of that fucker destroying the world in a crazed nuclear strike, just to distract us from his Russian business ties? Why do we have to go around embarrassed by his blustering stupidity and childish outbursts? Why do we have to see that fucking hair????

In 2018, I hope to march against my government to show solidarity with sane people. I think that’s my only plan.

Last week I had a three-hour phone conversation with a dear friend who told me that meditation would cure my depression. We both grew frustrated but we kept at it. He insisted that his depressed friends had found relief through meditation. The ones who didn’t were to blame for not trying hard enough. If only everyone would listen to him! he exclaimed. At one point, I sneered that I was further than ever from wanting to meditate.

He was proselytizing because he believed he had the answer. I resisted his belief-system because, in his words, I can’t surrender. Depression is complicated. Surrendering to a higher power is just not for me. I will surrender to medication or trans-cranial electric stimulation or a guiding philosophy that makes life less painful.

I reminded him that the universe is indifferent to us, clearly. I mean, it’s obviously not benevolent. He found this line of thinking exasperating. “You’re just like Max!” he said. And despite everything, I was proud to hear that. I’m going to drink a toast to Max tonight, to his beautiful stubborn soul and his loving heart.

Goodbye to 2017 and the horse it rode in on.

This entry was posted in Disorders, Horrible Stuff, News, Rants and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Oh My God, What an Awful Year!

  1. helen waite says:

    I have not even read your post yet, however, I wanted to tell you that yours were the first words I wanted to read in this construct we call “the new year”.

    FWIW, the first music of the year I played was “China My China” by Brian Eno.

    Now, back to what you have written.

    Oh – and thannk you for being.

  2. Jlynn says:

    To Max, and all the other stuff souls…
    (tink and drink)

  3. Jlynn says:

    “Stubborn”, not “stuff”, dammit! damn stupid autocorrect!

    (Don’t bother posting my stupid messed up comments, S.W.)

    Have a New Year…

  4. JK says:

    Speakers up Sister!


    (Incidentally, “the Young ‘Un” you helped me towards – it would appear – made our fine, fine. Great-Grandpa JK.)

  5. Lil' mark-E says:

    Yes, 2017 was shit. Really shitty.

    I connect everything the Orange Maggot does and says and doesn’t do to my parents, who voted for him. I am stuck in this trap. Parental hate/resentment/disappointment is the worst. But at least I know who they really are now.

    Fashion helps. I loved Junya Watanabe’s men’s stuff this season. Also, I love Walter Van Beirendonck’s giant gloves. I will never learn to spell or pronounce Walter Van Beirendonck, though.

  6. Dana says:

    One of the last things I said to my husband was “I can’t believe you’re going to miss the trump administration.” He was so sick then he just said “please no.” He was a college socialist and good liberal. He drove me nuts but what I wouldn’t give to have him here. He died Jan. 10.

  7. Sister Wolf says:

    helen waite – Thank YOU! I listened to Smokey Robinson, “The love I saw in you was just a mirage.”

    Jlynn – I appreciate your messages even with autocorrect xoxo

    JK -What great news!!!!! Congratulations!!!

    Lil, mark-E – You mean your parents aren’t even remorseful?!? Fashion is letting me down but glad to hear it’s working for you. Let’s never learn how to pronounce Walter’s name!

    Dana – I’m so very sorry about your husband. How terrible and unfair. I hope you have a good support system to get you through all this. And I’m pretty sure your husband will want you to march on January 20. xoxoxo

  8. Romeo says:

    I’m deep in Trump country and there are no jobs here and aint no new jobs coming no matter what the stock markets are doing and how many corporate taxes are slashed. But there was one lady here wearing an awful xmas sweater unironically and proclaiming to everyone “Merry Christmas!!!” with such cheerful aggression that I had to follow her to her giant coal fired truck and then I bit a hole in one of her tires chomp chomp.

  9. Romeo says:

    And also too as well the Doomsday Clock sez: “IT IS TWO AND A HALF MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT.” Try meditating on that shit.

    Happy New Year!

  10. Sister Wolf says:

    Romeo – I’m good with Doomsday. Bring it on. Re the christmas lady – who wouldn’t chomp on her tire? Make America great again! One tire at a time.

  11. Dj says:

    Ok. Here goes

    Your friend is out of line, enough already. You’ve probably gone through enough therapy, books etc to have tools to at least cope with your depression.let him meditate for you.

    I have been depressed, sometimes high level, mostly low level, for 50 years. Take Meds, have the tools etc. it’s just the way it is. You are doing better than you give yourself credit for. Just think of that. You don’t have to be jumping through feel good hoops.

    There are things that interest you, they are buried under the huge weight of Trump. When I see those white, old man arms sticking out of that corpulent body while playing golf it is too pathetic. Truth will surface.

    We’re the same age. No need to keep questioning yourself in such a deep, critical way. My mother once said two things to me that have stuck ” stop beating yourself up” and ” your life is not over “. Just be who you are, but “lite.”

  12. Suspended says:

    I’ve come full circle. Now, instead of the disgust and anger I’d normally feel, there is joy and humour. I see pictures of Trump and laugh like a kid being tickled.

    This is surely the funniest joke America has ever played on itself.

    “Trump Demands Poem on Statue of Liberty Be Revised to Exclude Shithole Countries” read an article in The New Yorker this morning. You guys will purge yourselves of Trump soon, but in the meantime, let’s laugh at just how ridiculous this spectacle has become. He’s not worthy of a minute more of our anger. He’s just a cartoon.

  13. Andra says:

    Forget last year.
    Now we have to worry about milkshake ducks…..

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