Scary New Items at Shopbop

tribal-beat-dress

I was a little taken aback this morning by this number (above,) the Tribal Beat Dress, among Shopbop‘s new arrivals. Is this Head Jutting Girl? I can’t even tell! Then, by a different “Designer” but on the same unfortunate theme, there is this:

zebra-romper

The Zebra Romper. Imagine entering a room wearing the Zebra Romper with the Roomy Hooker Booties! What a wonderful statement….I would even go so far as to call it Effortlessly Chic!

What’s interesting to note is that Goony Bird has the ability to make a simple tank top look EVEN SCARIER!

goony-bird-in-tank-top

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19 Responses to Scary New Items at Shopbop

  1. Lightly says:

    Not to mention the really poor lighting.

  2. tin lizzie says:

    Gooneybird makes me want to retun things I havent even ordered.

  3. WendyB says:

    Okay, at this point I think I could definitely be a model. There ARE no requirements.

  4. Kate says:

    WTF is this stuff. They won’t even sell that shit at Value Village. I have always defended animal prints, but this is the new coffin nail/death knell: for any woman who wants to look like an racist-tourist, pajamaed prosti-tot!

  5. arline says:

    Ick!

    Goonybird needs to fly away.

  6. Susan says:

    D’you think poor Goony might be suffering from insomnia? Or zombification? Or perhaps she’s being baited by a large hamburger that’s just beyond her reach?

  7. Braindance says:

    I never did find out who was your shopbop girl, the one you wanted to look like, pray tell.

  8. dust says:

    Nice tits, Goonybird.

  9. erika says:

    The top two look like ridiculous lingerie. And seriously, the one you call goony bird …haha!

  10. erika says:

    And the first one is $300 – 100% polyester.

  11. Goony bird is posed at such weird angles, I’m having a hard time believing she’s not a mannequin.

  12. Juri says:

    Question about the Tribal Beat Dress: are those dentures between the model’s breasts part of the dress or does she wear them as a necklace? I’m confused.

  13. Jill says:

    Goonie Bird looks like a goofier Katie Holmes and I can see the Romper on Chloe Sevigny.

  14. Vee says:

    Goony looks like the offspring of Katie Holmes and an ostrich.

  15. JK says:

    Really now, with the simple addition of some nice stockings those two smocks wouldn’t be too bad. For example:

    http://omg.yahoo.com/photos/what-were-they-thinking/3472?nc

  16. natalea hell says:

    wtf is wrong with goony bird’s hair? don’t they have hair and makeup people at these photoshoots?

  17. TheShoeGirl says:

    I can’t help but think that Gooney Bird looks like Katie Holmes. She really bugs.
    And did she not have time to do her hair??? Looks like she just got out of the shower.

  18. Kate says:

    The badness of these clothes call to mind THIS blog: http://ckparis.blogspot.com

    She comments around a lot, and by god, I wanna like her, as she’s so New Agey and positive, but her BLOG is insane. Along with that unbelievably dull Fashion Chalet lady, this “ckparis” makes me never ever want to go to Miami, even if all the best old Jewish lady YSL castoffs abound there. One can’t really hate on this “chauss,” but the blog makes me have nightmares. TRULY…nightmares of Nietzsche’s eternal recurrence in some watered-down Louboutin-vertioged Florida penis-tip time warp.

  19. Bevitron says:

    The Goony Bird, with her male pattern baldness hairline and “are you going to eat that last french fry?” stare (and, apparently, nice tits), is strangely entertaining looking. Like she is, or could do something at any second, completely insane or socially unacceptable.

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