You know how people always want to find the silver lining of an awful situation, like “The Gift Of Cancer”?
In that spirit, I’ve figured out how to make the most of the Disney World Alligator Tragedy, or DRAT for short.
They cut open five alligators while looking for the missing toddler, only to find out later that he wasn’t eaten.
Instead of wasting those alligators, how about a limited edition Disney World Commemorative Bag?
The beautiful hand-crafted bags, made of genuine Orlando alligator skin, will be numbered and embossed with the Disney World logo, and will feature a resin baby-head clasp modeled on a classic Kewpie Doll.
The DRAT Bag™ will come with a certificate of authenticity, and 5% of the purchase price will go to PETA.
It’s a win-win.
Show how much you care by investing in this gorgeous bag! Because hashtag PrayForOrlando won’t help anyone, human or animal.
Damn! I thought you wrote “BRAT Bag” and, given that I am second only to Herod in my dislike of kiddie-winkies, I was about to order one and throw it under a car or something. I should have gone to ‘Specsavers’!
http://www.bestadsontv.com/client/4117/Specsavers
A colleague popped by my cubicle the other day and asked “So, whaddaya think about that toddler getting eaten by a gator down at Disney World?”
I’m proud that without a beat, I responded, “It’s a start.”
I’m doing my best to be left alone by most of my colleagues.
And this, by the bye, is genius.
How much?
Was no-one on hand to shoot the alligator?
David Duff – The consequences of misreading just one letter are immense. I was disturbed for YEARS by a news story about someone who found a snail in their nose, only to realize it was a nail. Both bad, but soooooo different!
Moscato – Hahahahaha! Your colleague is so lucky to work with you.
DJ – I’m going to say $5,000. Much less than an Hermes yet more socially responsible.
Suspended – Nope, all the gun people were probably at a Trump rally or something.
Ha!
Well, can I have one in sky blue with a gold embroidered logo and, if possible, a Kewpie with little angel wings and a halo?
Also, a lining with St. Peter printed all over would be perfect. This would be both heavenly and tasteful. Every time I opened it, if it could omit an angelic “Ahhhh” sound and shine a white light on my face too, best bag ever!
A good side-line would be bag charms…think pearly gates and golden keys.
On the subject of kids, I’ve realised my kid is about the only one I like. I had friends over for dinner recently and whilst talking to them in the hall, on arrival, their kid (5 year old) tried to kick me in the balls for no other reason than attention. A few embarrassed looks and nothing was said. Kids are fucking mental now because their parents are scared of them.
Stop the world, I want to get off.
I’m of – how should I say this – advanced years? – and the only child I ever liked was my own. I never understood the fascination with them, or the push to get one’s offspring to reproduce as though this somehow justified their existence. (Oh right. That’s how they summed up their lives. Read any obituary in a local rag. Breed, breed, breed). Love the alligator bag.
I would also like one in gorilla fur….do you take PayPal?
Long time reader…..first time leaving a comment.
I think you have the sharpest readers. I hope to absorb the brilliance through regular review. You, and your readers ….are awesome.
May I add something? In all my years, no children of my own, being around brutal, unruly children I have learned that quiet chats using graphic profanity works wonderfully. Usually reserved for kids over 8. I become the most popular parent in the room, mystifying everyone with how well I handle children. Those kids totally get the message.
remembering to check in on your blog is better than finding a forgotten $20 in the dryer. LMAO on all the past blogs, so many gems, too many comments on my mind. But let me say I’m very sorry about the anniversary of your son. I love that you put his favorite quote on his gravestone……a brave move. Carry on. Great writing. I especially love the line from one of your nervous breakdown posts which says: “The sense of powerless multiplied by anxiety and frustration is truly debilitating.” very relatable (sp) in many circumstances. Oh and those Rihanna shoes……. I’ve never heard of them, so i will look into them for my daughter to perhaps make mother of the year. (meanwhile she probably has three pairs, lol)
Moscato–
I want to work in the cubicle next to yours.
Love,
Marky
Should it be a DWAT bag? You know, rhymes with…..