The Land Down Under

While searching for dreadlock remover (imagine a little sad-face thingy here) I came across this wonderful product for use Down There.

Rid yourself of the unwanted grays and give hair down there a beautiful boost of color that’s destined to brighten up more than your smile.

Now my only problem is deciding between Black Cherry or Midnight Blaque. I’m leaning toward the latter because of the spelling. The hair on my head, or Up There I should say, is really dark brown, not technically Blaque. I don’t want to give anyone a fright.

The Down There business is topical because I had coffee with my sister today and complained about the word “rump.” I read in The Cut that Kate Moss shows off “her rump” in a new video. I was so upset by this usage that I nearly fired off a letter to the editor. Why “rump” for godsake? Can’t they say “ass” or even “butt” or in the worst case scenario maybe “backside?”

Then we moved on to the word “tush” which also annoys me. When I discovered that there’s actually a song called Tush, I nearly had a stroke. Now there’s a magazine called Tush. It’s a word to use with a two year old, like pee pee, but then it should be dropped asap.

Anytime I hear the term Down There, I think it bespeaks a revulsion for sex and body parts. The GiGi color product manages to add an Australian slant by calling this crap “Color Down Under.” Here’s an idea! Next time you hear someone use the term Down There, scream: “Where, Australia?”

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33 Responses to The Land Down Under

  1. TheShoeGirl says:

    I laughed out loud, or LOL’d as the kids say, when I read “pee pee”.
    Now I’m laughing again.

    My husband calls my butt my tooshie (like tushie but ‘oooooshee’) and I think it’s so cute. But I’m a pervert. Girls who like shoes and are perverted are all the rage I hear.

  2. Bessie the Buddha cow says:

    Rump, I think some people roast and then eat rump, and they may come from the body parts of my peeps. Oh, the cannibals out there, they scare me!

  3. XuXu says:

    dude. i am with you.

    i woke up this morning thinking
    about how people teach their
    children to use euphemisms for
    their vagina, ass, and penis.

    welcome to the beginning
    of sexual hangups and forming
    alliances between women and animals.

    sigh.

    XuXu
    http://www.frenchshelter.blogspot.com

  4. XuXu says:

    and by alliances, i mean unwanted links
    or some word that means that…

  5. Nadia says:

    Haha! Trust Australia to somehow become associated with pubic hair dye. Let out a bit of a laugh at “Midnight Blaque” – reminds me of the Target / Targette / “Tar-zhay” thing, except it’s funnier because it’s colour for your down under! I wonder if it’s an Australian product since it’s spelt ‘colour’?! Strange if it is, because I swear no one here refers to Australia as as Down Under… or maybe I live in the wrong city!

  6. theresa says:

    rump makes me think of roast. unpleasant. and tush reminds me of a word fat moms who serve tv dinners might yell at their kids when its time for microwave food, “GET YOUR LITTLE TUSHIES IN HERE.” not good either.

    as for australia, I’d like to go pink or purple. and then really test my current college whatever you call it to see if he’s worth keeping around based on reaction. maybe a pink landing strip mohawk for australia. and a vadgdazzle or whatever they call it. have you heard about the vadgdazzling?
    http://www.stylelist.com/2010/01/13/jennifer-love-hewitt-swarovski-crystal-vajazzle/

    WHY COME OF AGE IN THE LATE 60s OR MID 80s when you can grow up in the midst of the cultural revolution of australia hair!?

  7. Kate B says:

    Dear SW Rump is a decidedly English/Australian term for bottom particualrly in the last century. In Australia today we would say arse or bum but I can remember my grandmother saying *ahem* rump or bottom.
    P.S. Completely with Nadia on not calling Australia Down Under. Although we used to call that part of our nether regions “Down There” when I was growing up in the Catholic school with the nuns.
    Kx

  8. BeforeI clicked on link the title was on my blog and I thought oh SW is embracing the guest blogger thing to put her feet up. I imagined a Faux Fuchsia does tomboy but no the sunject was dying ones pubic hair.

    Say it properly should be a campaign. Rump is a cut of meat. I’m off to get a shoulder of lamb today – does anyone refer to a shoulder with a euphemism? Don’t worry I won’t answer that with a non! Of course they don’t.

  9. Faux Fuchsia says:

    I speak for all Australians when I say that this is not the Marketing Campaign we were hoping for.

  10. Faux Fuchsia says:

    I would be prepared to channel a Tomboy and be Furious for this blog.

    That’s just the kind of Dedicated Blogger I am.

  11. Juri says:

    My favourite Australian cosmetics company is Kussen.

    http://kussen.com.au/

    I don’t know anything about their products but “kusse” is the Danish word for “cunt”, and “kussen” is its definite form, “the cunt.”

    http://ekstrabladet.dk/vrangen/article1287194.ece

  12. Thanks for the laugh this dreary morning! I recall a product being around for a few years called “Betty” for dying pubes. Came in some pretty colours too like pink and blue! Perhaps you need some pink? heehee!

  13. Ann says:

    Yes, there is a song called Tush, but it’s by ZZ Top so it doesn’t count.

  14. Jill says:

    My grandmother used to call it “down below”…I thought it was one word. My great grandmother had jet black carpet which did not match her bluish gray drapes. I think that may be the reason I became an interior decorator.

  15. rebecca says:

    VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA

  16. Kenita says:

    Oh for fuck’s sake. Tickle me dirty Harry, fassface, now Color me Down Under? But this time it’s acutally a product. What fuckery. Really, check out fassface. My brother kept calling me one until I checked out the meaning. It’s another word for Rebecca’s repeated word usage.

    Honestly, am I the only one who’s truly noticed and taken due the fact that SW divulged the color of her pubes? O_o I’m not a lesbian, I’m not a lesbian. But I find it interesting. I saw this little girl, she’s African American by the way, in the store the other day and she had auburn hair. The hair on her arms was blond, her eyebrows were auburn, and I kept staring. I confess I thought her parent must be sick coloring her up like that, but then I realized there’s no way the color couldn’t not be hers. With all the mixed gene pools out there, it’s highly likely.

    But then I had the most unlikely thought: Does that mean she’s a natural auburn haired girl ?? What the hell ! Are her PUBES AUBURN TOO !? Then I realized I have to be special cause the child looks like she’s 6. I feel like I mentally raped the girl.

  17. Sister Wolf says:

    Kenita – You did, and you tried to rape me as well! I most certainly did not reveal the color of my Down Under except to say that Midnight Blaque might be scary. It could be peacock blue for all you know. I will thank you for less impertinence in the future, fassface.

    Rebecca – CERVIX CERVIX CERVIX CERVIX CERVIX CERVIX

  18. Angie says:

    Oh God I’m laughing so hard it hurts right now! I wish everyone would just say penis and vagina. It is not a va jay jay, or whatever the fuck Oprah calls it!

  19. Sister Wolf says:

    TheSHoeGirl – But you’re pervy is a good way.

    Bessie – Exactly.

    XuXU – Thank you for clearing that up.

    Nadia – I think “colour” is meant to connote “glamour” in this case.

    theresa – Yes, me too, ick. As for the College Whatever, I think armpit hair is the best test of his true nature but I’m hoping he’s a good one!

    Kate B – Why did those guys have to have a hit song with the Land Down Under?!? They’ve given us yanks the wrong impression!

    MakeDo- I can see the poster already: “Rump is a Cut of Meat.” MAybe sponsored by Kate Moss?

    Faux Fuchsia – You are a credit to Blogdom. Let us work our a date for this.

    juri – Ha, awesome! Cunts Around the World…

    Suzanne aka- I remember the Betty, it was created by a “socialite.”

    Ann – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, thank god.

    Jill – Hahahahahahahahahahha, you should explain this to your clients!

  20. Iron Chic says:

    You know what boils my blood? When people say “I need to use the little boy’s room” or “little girls room.” Grow up!

  21. The Bad Kate says:

    (If it has hair on it, it’s not the vagina. It’s the vulva, or the pubic mound, or the labia majora. It is most definitely not the vagina. If you want to be pedantic, why not go all the way?)

  22. dust says:

    The only thing more annoying than sweet talk is dirty talk.

  23. Nadia says:

    Do you think so? Or maybe they’re just trying to do a word play on the whole Aussie thing because we spell ‘color’ as ‘colour’!

  24. Maggie says:

    why can’t you do it rainbow colors?

  25. AmandaMichele says:

    Can we add “Tummy” to that list? It is not a “tummy” it is a stomach, and abdomin, a torso. It is unbelievably complex marvel of engineering that takes everything, good and bad, that we ingest, and turning it into viable energy to power our bodies and eleiminate toxins. Lets give it a bit of respect, not a stupid fucking name.

    Rump makes me think of cows and pigs, and in some cases (not Sister Wolf, or Kate Moss, but some cases) it seems hilariously apt.

  26. Pudfish says:

    Good grief

  27. HelOnWheels says:

    LMAO! From the time they could talk my nephews were using the correct words for their anatomy. Why the need for euphemisms? Although, this whole “Down There” thing makes me want to go back to Australia and New Zealand for vacation again; it does NOT make me want to color my pubes.

  28. Mark says:

    I know someone who was forced to call her vagina a “susie.” As in, “Careful on that balance beam, you may hurt your susie.” Now, whenever I meet someone named Susie, I think of vaginas.

  29. Yeah when ZZTop sings Tush you don’t think tushie. Tushie is another reason why people shouldn’t call it tush.

  30. Trashforce says:

    I feel the same about adult men who use “willy”.

  31. Hammie says:

    Men at Work were being ironic- as in “this is what the rest of the world thinks of us”
    I’m delighted to hear that we are allowed to have hair on our volvos again- even if we do need to dye them. When I get my bikiniline done in Spain they have boxes of the dye you talk about. The picture on the box is a Gypsy Rose style burlesque figure with a big fan in front of her vulva. The color of the fan matched her head hair.
    I read that this is common with Mediterranean ladies who dye their hair, some hairdressers will pack up a kit of leftover dye for the lady’s home use.

    And since Skye hasn’t been by to set you straight- It is a Map Of Tassie! look at a map of Australia and our smallest island state. Note it is triangle and not landing strip shaped, as nature intended it.
    xx

  32. Peter says:

    I wouldn’t think there’s much demand for this hair dye, because the type of hair in question is tragically near-extinct due to the relentless triumph of the Hideous Pedophilic Bald Eagle :(((

  33. Kenita says:

    On a second read, what I did say sounds pretty bad 🙁 Apologies. I evidently misread “Up there” (your head’s hair color) for “Down there.” As for the little girl, it was more wondering, and did not mean to warrant perviness. *sigh* I shall not retype that ever again. And again, I didn’t mean to come off, for lack of a better word, as an ass.

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