They’re Baaack!

Thank you Sea and Mom! You have given me the will to go on tonight!

Sea is wearing some stupid outfit from her high school production of “Robin Hood”, but she’s pretending it’s some avant garde Japanese designer. Haha, nice try, Sea.

Forget Sea, just LOOK at that background! Mom has had their house redecorated and behold the horror! I feel like it’s Christmas morning. Lucite modernist crap, tiger-skin rug, bronze bust, mirrored lamp a al Horchow Catalogue…it’s all good.

No doubt this fancy crib will be featured in the Dallas Daily Bugle or whatever their local paper is. But look, you’re in on it first. Mom will post tons of photos and her disciples will all go, “Oh god, it’s to die for! bla bla bla!”

Don’t leave your comments to Jane because this is not a Comments for Jane  post. This is a Kudos to Mom  post instead. I will go first:

Kudos to you, Mom! That’s one crazyass pad you got there. Did you snag some of that on eBay or did you just curate it? Could you buy me a new couch? My piece of shit from Ikea has fallen apart and now I’m too embarrassed to entertain. (Just kidding about the entertaining, not the couch!) Anyway, what an eye you have! You totally rock, love xoSW

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44 Responses to They’re Baaack!

  1. alittlelux says:

    THAT LAMP.

  2. RoseWolf says:

    Is she trying to be a wench at the ren faire? They rent costumes like that in the front for $20 a day..

  3. Alicia says:

    If you look hard enough, I think you can make out Carol’s reflection in that lamp.

  4. caitlin says:

    sw first off i love you. wish you were my mum. i was hoping/praying you follow sea on twitter. considering your vantage point on addiction and all.. i do not agree with the fact sea is popping pills!! is it suddenly acceptable to call xanax your friend for 13 hour flights? what the fuck is wrong with her mum?!! OR AMERICA FOR THAT MATTER?! SHE IS 17!!! who would actually give their children xanax? personally i wanna watch her crash and burn maybe she’ll post from rehab ahh just kidding i would not wish addiction on anyone or their family. im in SHOCK thought that she would actually post that. did anyone else notice that mom packed walking shoes?!

    is it just me or does anyone else find sea unappealing? her facial expressions are always the same. she could not model if her life depended on it..her blog was sort of cool to look at back in the day but now she’s just lame. i prefer celine over at theshoegirl…now thats a REAL woman with taste 🙂

    sea always looks like a deer caught in the head lights….i wanna see carol! fuck sea she’s borning. the house is REAAAALLLY fugly

    anyways i love u sw
    please reply on seas drug use

  5. dust says:

    You know good that she can’t BUY it for you, that’s not the way things are done around there. Now, ask again, properly.

  6. Bevitron says:

    That’s in a house!? I thought it was a Toscano catalog warehouse. (With a Horchow lamp, like you say.)

  7. skye says:

    So now there’s a whole lot of terrible stuff cluttering up the house (the decorator must have gone into absolute raptures at the thought of just how many of daddy’s dollars she could squeeze out of that little project), but I feel that the “new cephalopod” with his tangle of tentacles is the main attraction today. Very Lovecraftian. The lost Lovecraft story featuring wealthy touring texan divorcee and daughter, stuffed cat, and Cthulhu is one I would love to read…

  8. Paris Underwater says:

    Um *cringe* I like that dress? I would prefer it just in plain black. It reminds me of a vivienne westwood dress (probably wench inspired). Sorry everyone.

  9. Paris Underwater says:

    On that note tho I hate the shoes and despise the lambs rug shrug.

  10. jemimah says:

    OHMYGAWDDD I’M LOVING SEA’S NEW HOUSE IT’S SO AVANT-GARDE AND LOVELY AND INSPIRING I WISH I COULD LIVE THERE WITH SEA AND MOM AND NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE AND ALWAYS BE THEIR FRIENDS.

  11. queenzelda says:

    M.O.S – how will you make patchwork denim clothes and use up all your trim in a house with no space? Plus it looks like changing rooms with a $50k budget instead of a $5k one.

    Personally I’m just disappointed that your redecoration didn’t involve upholstering with your entire trim collection and sticking metal insects to things.

  12. hammie says:

    it looks like someone ate Heals and most of Tottenham Court Road, washed it down with Camden Lock Markets and then purged in Mom’s House.
    (as you do) xx

  13. hammie says:

    ps. You know what’s next here don’t you Sis? – Their own reality show on VH1

  14. Sofia says:

    Lols Sea Senior, I totally thought your house was some sort of junk furniture storage facility.

    Also, $750 for a belt buckle. What now?

  15. Dru says:

    Mom of Sea

    Why do you let your daughter put up pictures of herself with daft facial expressions like the one above? Or do you make her do it? Surely, being a former model, you’d know something about posing and attempting to create cheekbones on a pretty, plump 18-year-old face- and that these photographs are only going to embarrass Sea in the future? (speaking of photographs, she was so much prettier and more natural in her outfit shots of about 2 years ago)

    And I actually like the dress, Robin Hood connotations notwithstanding. Green is my favourite colour, so I’m biased.

  16. patni says:

    Dear mom,
    did you ever see the movie “Pillow Talk” starring Doris Day and Rock Hudson?
    In this movie Doris stars as an interior decorator, and Rock as a giant douche bag. When the extent of his douche baggery is revealed, Doris Day exacts her revenge by decorating his apartment in the most gaudy hideous manner possible. Your house reminds me of that.
    Love
    Patni

  17. Dave C says:

    Love their use of the Country Homes book as an ornament to signify their excellent taste in interior design. There was a publication a few years back called ‘Homes of the Dictators’ or something. As I recall, even Saddam Hussein’s awful home was far nicer than this.

  18. Ann says:

    3 things:

    1. alittlelux’s comment was the first thing I thought, exactly as I thought it.
    2. I too like the dress. Shoot me now.
    3. The bust’s face really says it all.

  19. Oh dear–I thought that the setting was a furniture/knick-knack shop. It just looks so cluttered and gaudy.

  20. annemarie says:

    Dear Mom,

    Your living room is perfect!

    I can just imagine you rocking out on some insane chair with one of your huge, 80s padded-shouldered, sequins jackets on. It would be just like a scene from Dallas!

    You are so awesome and such an inspiration. If I had all that money, I too would spend it all on myself in these fun and tasteless and crass ways.

    xoxo

  21. XuXu says:

    I am very sad.

    I am very sad about this complete
    bowl of bullshit cheerios
    that is not filled with tasty goodness.

    where is the nearest sheep i can cuddle?

    sad.

    xuxu
    http://www.frenchshelter.blogspot

  22. Good grief the decor is frigging Dickens – it is the old curiosity shop and Jane looks like she’s auditioning for the part of Nancy in Oliver – ompahpah ompahpah that’s how it goes….

  23. Stuti says:

    SOS and MOS, you people are too typical. Like I say almost everytime SW brings your stupidity to attention, you guys are textbook. Textbook noveau riche, textbook idiocy and withdrawal symptoms. Go consult a therapist or something. Or, take a real, long hard look at the monstrosity you create, time and again.

  24. Juri says:

    Dear Mom,

    Thank you for shoving so many things I’d refuse to have in my home into same picture. I think your decorator missed a spot, though. I can still see some floor. Please fill it with some ugly, expensive stuff and post another photo.

  25. Liz!! says:

    Dear Sea,

    Are you sure that’s the COMPLETED living room? It looks like your interior decorator has 4 different styles she’s trying out….to see what sticks. You should tell her to finish that project ASAP xx

    By the way, that Jelly Garcia dress? Already looks like its been worn to death. And by death, I mean that it’s ready for the ragbag.

    yours
    Liz!! xx

  26. Cricket9 says:

    Skye, you totally made my day; a Lovecraftian story would be fantastic, and the living room – what wonderful description one could get from it! I may just go and start writing. If I get published, I’ll give you all the due credit…

  27. I smell Kelly Wearstler’s influence.

  28. I guess its telling that the thing I zeroed in on was the fact that they have a Liberty for Target pillow in the background.

  29. HelOnWheels says:

    It’s like “How Not To Decorate” threw up all over that room. Even more proof that money can’t buy taste.

  30. Kudos to you mom! I didn’t know you could purchase the leftover set pieces from Scarface — all of those mirrored and glass surfaces are just perfect for 8 – balling with high rollers in your millionaires row! And just imagine the mornings after, in that room you have the Sea Monster modeling her latest fashion vomit, a technicolor nightmare that will only be made more awesome with naked bodies, bloody noses and rolled up hundos all over the place. Your reality is my wet dream.

  31. Suspended says:

    Jane, you are such a shepherdess. Your golden lamb is just divine. I’d love to see it suckling on a titty (if you have one. Perhaps they’re on the ‘to do’ list.)

    Look at poor Caesar, you’ve even managed to muster a strong sense of odium and disgust on the face of a stone bust. He doesn’t want to look, I don’t want to look, why are people still looking?

  32. Natalea Hell says:

    Dear Mom:

    You bought all that expensive shit and no TV?? You suck.

  33. kate says:

    Kelly Wearstler indeed. But even Wearstler’s Playboy photos were far more tasteful than Sea and Mom’s life/lives in toto. Especially since Wearstler filled her Playmate Bio with tasty tidbits like her fondness for the literature of Nicholson Baker, a man who thought writing about a pervert who could stop time and undress people was at all necessary. If only Mom and Sea had an asexual fairy godmother version of a Nicolson Baker character to stop time and trade these indecent clothes and home goods for something chic.

  34. Sister Wolf says:

    caitlin – I will be your stepmother!

    dust – Hahahahahhaha!

    Alicia – Waaah, I can’t see it.

    skye – I cannot accept the new cephalopod. IS that even a word??

    queenzelda – You’re right! WHERE’S THAT FUCKING TRIM?

    hammie – I know I would watch it.

    patni – Now I want to see the movie, right now.

    Dave C – I actually have that book. Good call!!!

    annemarie – HAHAHAHAHHAHA,!

    XUxu – We are all sad.

    Make Do – HAHAHAHAHAHA, my stomach is hurting from laughing

    Juri – I pointed out that bit of floor to my kid, who laughed.

    Suzanne – Oooooooh, really?!? I bet they think they’re bring all high-low with that.

    The Queen of Hearts – SCARFACE, YES!

    Kate – You’re right. Chic is an unknown concept in that household. But wait, I loved The Fermata! I thought it was hilarious.

  35. IndiaFrancis says:

    Put Sea in a bob and she is totally Anna Wintour in that pic. FIERCE
    Mom of Sea when will it all stop?

  36. Aja says:

    Scarface. Heh, heh. I wonder if someone accessed my house, what conclusions they’d draw from my decorating.

  37. Faux Fuchsia says:

    I like the lamp. I like a lot of this furniture. I just worry that it will be a lot of work for Consuela to dust it all.

  38. aimee-WTF says:

    It looks like 1984 long island threw up all over it.

    All she needs is to recarpet in something that looks like white rocks, add a piece of velvet furniture and she’s all set.

  39. aimee-WTF says:

    Also, Sea looks SUSPICIOUSLY like Lenny Von Dohlen (Harold from Twin Peaks) in this photo. have we ever seen Sea’s actual dad?

  40. Audi says:

    Dear Mom,

    I hope you have really good home owner’s insurance, because your living room is likely to induce seizures.

  41. Kudos to you, Mom! You are the only person I know who could get away with taking a jumble sale and a bomb and combining them and calling it ‘decorating’. I take my hat off to you and the mad people who make you cool; they have clearly transcended to a higher plain than me.

  42. Nat says:

    Im loving the curating mom. Jane and her “dress” kind of ruins the effect though. I would of had Jane in those wicked D&G wedge shoe thingys instead to complete the “eclectic” look.

  43. Steroids says:

    Lucky i uncovered this site, will be sure to bookmark it so i can come by routinely.

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