Typically Max

Spending most of his last 6 months in bed, Max starting using Facebook, and sent friend requests to everyone else who had his name. He was so pleased by the visual effect of Max Wolf leaving a comment for Max Wolf. He told me he’d started a Facebook group called People Named Max Wolf.   I loved this; it was so Max of him to think of this.

I didn’t even look at that page until after he died. I love the purpose of the group – “Exploring what it means to be a Max Wolf.”   I love that all those Max Wolf’s were able to appreciate   his gentle wit.   As a tribute to Max, I sent 37 friend requests to Facebook users who share my name. Only one of them accepted.

No one had a mind quite like Max’s. One of his college professors once wrote, “I am always eager to know what Max has to say.” I think all of us felt that way.

Sometime I wonder what he would think about something and I try to hear his voice. The one thing I can hear distinctly is that he forgives me. I don’t know why this is and I know how self-serving it seems but it’s still true.   And when I play the CD mixes he made for me, I feel his love.   I hope more than anything that he can still feel mine.

This entry was posted in Art, grief, love and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Typically Max

  1. Not a Cunt says:

    Hi, I read your blog posts.. kinda just discovered you when I was trying to find DIY tutorial for making antlers.

    I just want to say.. or ask. Why are your blogposts so hateful? lol maybe it matches with the blog title-> you are a mad person.

    and one more question.. why do you try so hard to be hipster? like you hate everything main stream. idk, it seemed ridiculous. and I think you are a bit too old for this? no? i hate tavi as much as you do btw lol I dont know why it feels just weird. I dont enjoy diane’s blog either. its pitch black everywhere. and her clothes are ridiculous. and anna delorusso too LOL she is just too old for that.

    SW – I’m not too old to come after you, you stupid little shit. Here is you email: tahugejrot@hotmail.com
    And here is your problem: “No?” isn’t an acceptable question unless you are French, non?

  2. Charlotte S says:

    Not a Cunt, if you don’t like Sister Wolf’s blog, don’t read it. There are plenty of us who love it. Go away.

  3. Firstly Max had such a cool name that he could set up such a great facebook page. Mine would be so dull! Of course he feels your love, we all feel it and it is tremendous.

    As for the first comment by someone who is obviously a vile person, what an earth are they going on about! All that faux just discovered you bullshit. Honestly how can someone be such an idiot and so facile when you have posted such a wonderful piece and taken the trouble to share with us all. Honestly I despair that these cretins exist. What is it with people and the stupid word hipster! Oh just go and wallow in your hopeless, pointless mire and stick your antlers up your backside.

  4. Thank you for sharing that little snippet of your, and Max’s, life. xx

  5. Carrie says:

    Not A Cunt….um shut it please. You clearly don’t get it and the internet is a big place so just keep on clicking cunt, oops, I mean NOT a cunt. (Also, why would you attach this kind of comment to a post about Max? I know you’re ‘Not’ a cunt, but are you stupid?)

    Now for my REAL comment: even though I hate Facebook I love Max’s idea. It turns the whole idea of a ‘social network’ inside out by making a subjective personal reality (ie, what it means to be a Max Wolf) into a kind of postmodern internet salon exclusive to those who just ‘happen’ to live within their own subjective personal reality…which is in many ways (erroneously of course) defined as identical by one of the reductive signifiers (in this case name) that the Facebook ‘Profile’ uses to fold real human individuals into half-page file cards of information. I think it is brilliant and hilarious.

    I feel like I get to know Max a little with each post of this kind…and I think we would have gotten along quite well. What a wit…

  6. shelley says:

    Love it-love her sense of humor-her words resonate with me-love the way you can feel her gentleness and her anger-she is real in a world with so many posers
    write on Sister

  7. Marky says:

    Not a Cunt: This seems like a pretty odd (stupid) choice of Sister Wolf posts on which to comment in such a way. What is hateful about this post?

  8. Cricket9 says:

    @”Not a cunt” – are you sure about that, that you are not a cunt? Your post sounds quite cunt-ish to me. From all SW posts you chose this one – about her son and her love for him – to say that she’s a “mad person”, tries “to be a hipster”, and then she’s “to old”? Too old for what exactly? I have news for you, you are getting older every minute… Then you proceed to tell us who do you hate. Honestly – I’m amazed by the stupidity, callousness and lack of basic decency of posts like yours, “Not a cunt”. Please go away somewhere else, go make antlers or something.

  9. Ash says:

    Please STOP trying to be a hipster. LOL and OMG.
    Those mix cd’s are priceless, make sure they are backed up 82 times.
    Much love,

  10. Jaimi says:

    Hahaha, oh my, that first comment is so atrocious.

    Anyway, I love that he made you mix cds. Awwww.

  11. Caroline says:

    Don’t you just love when people post hate-filled comments complaining about people being hateful?

    Anyways, that Facebook group is hilarious. 🙂

  12. jd says:

    Beautiful post, the last paragraph is really touching.

    What a massive compliment from his professor – “I am always eager to know what Max has to say” – I would love somebody to think that about me, whether they agreed, disagreed, loved or hated my opinions. He sounds like you Sister Wolf.

  13. E says:

    Sister W – your love for Max is omnipresent – and turned up to 11.

  14. Claire says:

    I can feel your love for him; I don’t know how your Max Wolf could miss it.

  15. Rebecca says:

    Max sounds great, such a lovely sense of humour and full of sensitivity.

    I have been reading you every day for so long and often trying not to cry/laugh at work.

    I think possible a cunt of the week award is imminent?

  16. Rebecca says:

    To clarify: the above mentioned award surely goes to the author of the first comment.

  17. annemarie says:

    I read this post about Max this morning and was too moved by it to write anything. I can only write about shallow superficial shit.

    I just came back to read the comments left by the more brave/articulate of your readers, and lo and behold, here’s “Not a Cunt”- ahahahahahaha!!! How could you make that up? Unbelievable! Hey, moron, you know what’s worse than being hateful? Stupidity!

    Anyway, since the bar has been lowered here, I may as well just saw that your post is absolutely beautiful. Love never dies. And you’re an awesome fucking mother to have raised such a beautiful boy.

  18. Nickie Frye says:

    What a great idea! I love that people joined the FB group. Max was obviously a super cool guy. There’s no doubt that he can still feel your love. Don’t waste an ounce of energy wondering about that again. Unconditional love is one of the few things that can never be taken from us.

  19. candy says:

    If you think you hear his voice, that means that’s him. Sometimes loved ones drop coins, feathers also and play with the lights, sometimes they make the birds play at the window and stare at you. It happened with my grandma when she passed away. There was this bird who stayed at my window and stared at me for minutes and minutes, I knew she sent it. I just knew like you know that he is near you. Those are my thoughts. Thank you for sharing this with us.
    As for the first comment, you don’t have to be an a$$hole, there are plenty enough already on this planet!

  20. kellie says:

    not a cunt is obviously, actually a cunt.

  21. kellie says:

    Seperately, and more important…
    Forgiveness is all we can hope for sometimes.
    Friday will be 5 years since my mom died. We forgave each other.
    And that was good.
    Max loves you.

  22. Aja says:

    Not A Cunt, if you have to state something that loudly, it probably means the exact opposite. Like girls who wear pants that say “hot” on the butt. No attractive person has to loudly declare their attractiveness to the world. I don’t hate Tavi or most of the bloggers SW post about (quite the opposite, I think Tavi is a positive young role model), but I do think if we can’t take have a laugh every now and then, what a sad world we must live in. I don’t think SW is a hipster, just a cool Mum. So just keep being yourself Sister. And people like comment one will continue to try and insult you. ” Try” being the key word.

    By the way, there used to be a myspace group called “A Girl Called Aja”.

  23. Sister Wolf says:

    Thank you so much, you who are not that cunt, for letting me share Max with you. It is so meaningful to me. I want the whole world to remember that he was here, and that he was a beautiful and courageous soul. xoxoxo

  24. Tanya says:

    He always sounds like such a thoughtful and brilliant young man. You did one phenomenal job, SW.

    Not A Cunt sounds like one of those Facebook iPad/iPhone shitty pieces of spam. “Just want to say…I got my free iThingy…so LOL… u should too.” Definitely A Vapid Moronic Cunt.

  25. Stella Mayfair says:

    thank you for sharing a little more about your beautiful max. xo

  26. drollgirl says:

    it sounds like max was one of a kind, just like his mama. 🙂

    i could share a story about folks that have my same name, but it isn’t nearly as good as max’s story.

  27. Ann says:

    What a beautiful post. I am so glad you are able to hear him and know he’s forgiven you. Keep enjoying the mix CD’s and know that he feels your unending love for him. There is no way he couldn’t.

    Love you, Sister.

  28. liz says:

    I love when you write about Max, its so sweet and just feels pure, truthful, beautiful. I wish others had my name, but I’m a Russian/Jew, only a few other people even have my last name : ( (and yes, I’ve friended them all on fbook).

  29. dust says:

    Not a Cunt- DIY tutorial for making antlers???!
    Send us a link when you find it, please!!

  30. Marie says:

    I love this post about Max. It hurts so good. I’m glad that there are pieces of him that he left for you to share. My mother lost her firstborn son, and has always said that the worst thing that could happen is for him to be forgotten. May Max never be forgotten.

  31. Max sounds like the kind of guy that I would definitely be interested to hang out with or listen to. It seems like you both had a really special relationship and coming from a mostly dysfunctional family this is something that I’m so envious of. Of course he still feels your love in the same way that you still feel his.

    Not a Cunt – clearly a massive cunt! Some people…sigh. Internet trolls like this aren’t even worth contemplating.

  32. patni says:

    Max sounds so sweet and funny…
    and dear ms not a cunt, IIII wish the hipsters would stop trying to be sister wolf.

  33. my husband did the exact same thing.

  34. Kathleen says:

    What a delightful story to read about Max. Every time I read one of your posts about him I feel like I know him more and more. I would have been honored to have him as a friend. What a clever thing to do with Facebook. So, SW: Don’t let the pinheads-who-post get you down. From what I read, they are few and puny and the rest of us greatly enjoy your point of view.

  35. jlynn says:

    SW, I don’t know if you see comments to older posts, but I wanted to reply to this one because last May, after taking your suggestion to check out the music @ maxwolf.org, I looked up Max on facebook and was particularly charmed by his “People Named Max Wolf” group (for “all Max Wolf related issues”).
    Your phrase “gentle wit” really captures the quality of the things he posted; I.e. his favorite quotation (in Swahili): “You waste your time trying to translate the sentence hi”. His activities and “likes”: “Plugging the Gulf oil leak with the works of Ayn Rand”, and “Eating”. Of all the people I know who are are both smart and funny, most have developed a somewhat guarded/cynical/bitter edge and a tendency to use their wit un-gently.
    There doesn’t seem to be any sign of that edge on Max’s pages, and the fact that he was often in such physical/ mental pain makes his capacity to be gentle truly remarkable…

  36. Sister Wolf says:

    jlynn – Thank you for taking the time to share these insights with me. Along with the curse of depression, he was in fact very playful and gentle. I think you would have really liked him. Women who like smart men were always dazzled by his brain. And he was so affectionate when he wasn’t busy destroying himself. I miss him,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *