Who the Hell are John and Kate?

whoarethey

There are too many names out there, and it’s getting way too hard to keep up. Who are these John and Kate people who are now having marital problems?

I saw one of them on TV last night, and she was sporting an old school Posh Spice asymmetrical hairdo. What is her point with that, can somebody fill me in? Is she married to a Hawaiian guy, and if so, why? Also, who do they have so many kids? Is it an Octomom kind of deal or just too much fertility drugs?

Also, who is Lauren Conrad? Pictures of her look just like Lindsay Lohan, right? Who is Audrina? Who is Tinsley Mortimer and for the love of god, who is Talor Momsen? I keep seeing these names as though I’m supposed to know who they are!   Oh wait, I know who Taylor Swift is, I think. Is she the girl who plays guitar but can’t sing?

I know who Heidi Montag is! She married some guy and everyone hates them. (I’m just proving that I know some of this shit.) And I know that Hayden Panti-something has an enormous head and looks   middle aged but is really quite young.

Are all of these people on the same TV series? Why are they all blond? Why do some of them have clothing lines while others don’t?

Oh no, one more just popped into my head…Whitney Port or Something Whitley? Make them Staaaaahp, Bethenny!

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16 Responses to Who the Hell are John and Kate?

  1. David Duff says:

    Alas, ‘Sis’, not knowing who celebrities are is a sign of advancing age. Not knowing who *you* are is the first sign of senility, as I was telling that bloke in my shaving mirror only this morning.

  2. Jill says:

    I’m too old to keep up with Tween/Hills nonsense. Most of the whole “reality” tv culture escapes me. At first it bothered me that I can’t read People magazine anymore because I don’t know who half of the “stars” are. I think most of these celebrities started as Disney Dependents. I’m 41 and I could care less about what a silly, drug-addled starlet is up to.

  3. crocodilian says:

    John and Kate are a child’s worst nightmare, and their tv show is MY worst nightmare. I suspect everyone else is from “the hills”.

  4. I only wish I didn’t know who the John and kate people were. Some people don’t deserve the brain space that is involved in their face and name recognition. Happily all of the Hills and Disney kids have never gotten into that part of my brain. I hope I can keep it that way.

  5. Angie says:

    John & Kate have a tv show called ‘John and Kate plus eight’ on account of their having 8 children. I’m not sure why they do but in the opening credits it shows a sickening time lapse photography of Kate’s pregnant stomach.
    The show can be amusing because of the total bitch Kate is to her spouse.
    More sad than funny really. What is really comic gold is Joel McHale’s recaps of the show on the Soup. Skip the show, watch the soup if it’s fun you’re after.

  6. Deni says:

    Dear Sister Wolf, you’ll be safe if you watch either the BBC (Dr. Who reruns, Torchwood (so campy but fun) or Primeaval (so campy but . . . )), and then there is You Are What You Eat and you will be so thankful you are who you are (or if you’re into cars and humor watch Top Gear); the other channel is the Science channel. Usually no Hollywood teen type celebs but cool info on the creation/destruction of the universe and everything in between (just skip the survival shows and you’ll be fine). Otherwise you’re committing suicide by exposing your brain cells to useless information about even more useless people leading useless lives. Brains don’t like being exposed to dreck, like Kate and John and Octomom and every other name you mentioned that totally alludes me. Sometimes being in the dark is a nice comfortable, stable, and mysterious place to be. Don’t waste brain cells on quasi/pseudo or even real celebrities that have nothing to offer but snippets of stupidity and bad decisions.

  7. I’m completely ignorant of the cast of the Hills and only vaguely aware of the existence of Jon & Kate, but sadly I CAN tell you that Taylor Momsen is a teenage cast member on Gossip Girl, my guilty pleasure.

  8. WCGB says:

    Panti-something – ha ha ha.

  9. Stella Mayfair says:

    Truer words were never spoken!
    Dlisted’s Michael K calls that tween thing Hayden Pantytroll, which I really enjoy. Mostly I ignore these supposed-to-be-someone nobodies, and that’s why I still sleep soundly at night. Also, here in Germany we are bombarded with nobodies of our own, and I work hard to shield my eyes from the horror!

  10. Karla Koffee says:

    Hayden Panettiere, or something like that, is an ‘actress’ (awful! awful! awful!) starring in the american series ‘Heroes’ . Not pretty, not talented and not even banging Milo Ventimiglia anymore, so fuhgeddaboutit ^^

  11. Aja says:

    It’s weird, I have a certain sadness of Jon and Kate. Back in my days at Discovery Channel, I remember watching rough cuts (of unedited footage) of their first “special” (a one off) and feeling completely miserable for them because anyone with that many kids would be a little batty. What’s worse, I think the combination of that many kids plus the fame has ruined them. I really do feel for them, or rather feel connected to them.

  12. Sister Wolf says:

    David – But I know about TONS of celebrities, they just multiply too quickly.

    Jill – Not even Lindsay Lohan?? I still enjoy her downward spiral.

    crocodilian – But do people actually watch the Hills or do they just know the characters?

    La Belette Rouge – Yeah, we need to wear helmets lined with tin foil.

    Angie – I love the Soup, even though I don’t know what he’s talking about!

    Deni – Helmet for you too.

    Iheartfashion – What are the chances of Taylor Momsen being a real name?

    WCGB – I once had to write a thing about her and my mind would not accept her real name!

    Stella-Mayfair – Who are some good German nobodies??

    Karla Koffee- Why is that head so huge though?

    Aja -Awww, shit, I’m glad I never had to see any of this. Exhibitionists should keep their children out of it, I think.

  13. i was wondering who the hell john and kate were too! and isn’t it pathetic that for a moment I panicked and thought, Shit, I’m out of it!

  14. dewayne says:

    celebrities are useless, as a whole.
    watch me become famous now. i’ll still stand by that remark.

  15. Aja says:

    Sister Wolf, if you had that many kids and bills to pay you really would turn your back on a lucrative tv deal? I think it’d be a hard thing to say “no” to. I mean look at how many of us blog, one might call us all “exhibitionist” to a certain extent. Some people do write about their children. It doesn’t make them bad people, it’s their life and they’re okay with sharing it with others. If I had eight kids and I knew a tv deal could put food on the table, I’m pretty sure I would think hard about it.

  16. Stella Mayfair says:

    Ahh, German nobodies… Sigh…. Let me present to you: the fantabulous z-list couple Verona Pooth and husband Franjo, who seem to be the fortysomething german answer to Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Then there’s stoooopid spoiled rich brat Chiara Ohoven who once injected her own lips to give herself a trout pout and lived to yelp about it to the media every chance she gets. My personal fave is Formula 1 Racer Ralph Schumacher’s wife, Cora, often fondly called Hardcora due to her naked picture taking antics. Look her up, I think you might like her :-))

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