Sea has been busy busy busy. Above, she models the first creation of a new jewelry and belt line that she and Mom are launching. Hopefully, there will be giant slugs and cockroaches too.
Secretly, Sea has been visiting the brothels of Bangkok, looking for Asian boys with prominent anuses. She has become a favorite with the locals, who scream and hold out their prosthetic legs, hoping she will reward them with a Miu Miu platform bootie or Givenchy ballet flat.
While Sea was off indulging her appetite for hipster porn, Mom discovered that after spending $25,000 at Barneys, she could pick up a Celine bag with her free points! You can see it over at her blog. Meanwhile, Mom plundered eBay for its most icky offerings, including this tragic ‘dragon sweater’:
The sweater will look cool with another of Mom’s recent eBay finds, a scary fish pendant:
Back at Mom’s blog, she shows off some other crap she “won” on eBay. She still can’t use the word “buy!” I love this stubbornness so much, it reminds me of myself and that’s what I look for in people.
Mom’s shopping has gotten so out of control, Sea has threatened to delete her blog. Mom begged Sea to reconsider, even promising to hand over all her curated knits from the 70’s, including every single Adolfo cardigan jacket rejected by Nancy Reagan.
Sea is planing to replace Karl Lagerfeld at Chanel, based on her work with crayons. Karl is upset, but you can’t fight progress. Yohji and Junya have gone into hiding.
Mom is hoping to work for Sea, without whom her life would be an endless quest for bad jewelry and letters to her ex-husband, begging for funds. Mom has been calling Carol, tattling on Sea’s naughty lesbian proclivities, hoping Carol can persuade Sea to make up with Akbar.
Carol is too busy to leave her studies but here’s what she wrote to Mom:
Dear Mom, I think you should let Jane be free to follow her dreams. You should find a way to fulfill yourself without exploiting Jane or Dad. I’ve learned here at school that there’s more to life than hoarding material goods. Love, Carol.
Do you have a comment for Jane? You can leave one here, thanks to my gracious gift of comment space for this purpose.