Let’s say you’re going out and you put on a long coat. You know how you always wish that somehow people could see through it? Even if it was just a window to show your waist and hips? This denim coat by Bless is the answer!!! A vinyl section all around the middle will make you glad you skipped breakfast and lunch. $1,050 and available only in size small.
For warmer weather, how about some shorts?
Why wear regular denim cut-offs when for just a bit more money, you can get a pair of shorts that have been chewed by teething babies in Sri Lanka? All your friends will think you’ve had these for years and years, and they will fucking love you for it. $365 by R13.
Boots are really In now, especially high ones.
Don’t laugh.
These Balmain boots cost $2,950 even if they look like something you would turn down for $20 at Prostitutes ‘R Us. They have all the bells and whistles, including the sexy and practical open-toe. Pleeeeeeeeease get them, somebody.
How great would it be to wear the boots with this skirt???
Why choose between denim and leather when you can have both? Alexander Wang is so desperate, I mean inventive, that he’s created a hybrid for just $995. Size large and X-large are sold out, because who could rock this better than a full figured gal?
I know you’d rather have an Oscars Exegesis™ but I don’t want to think about it tonight. I will get to it, and the key word will be *intersectional*.
There is no joy like the joy of awful denim, so let me joy in peace, alright?
How many hundreds of hours of my self-conscious, full-figured life have I spent trying to de-emphasize the exact area showcased by that coat-window?
I feel like I don’t understand the world anymore…
Cannula couture!
On my way to Goodwill and senior citizens center thrift store, getting hot glue and scissors. Taking custom orders.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again..
What the actual fuck??
Feel much better now.
You’re brilliant.
Love you
Every thing you write is fabulous, but I am eagerly awaiting your trademark Oscar Exegesis. Pleeeeez don’t make me wait too long or I will have forgotten what the fuck you’re talking about.
All wonderfully awful.
Is it just me or do the jeans also have clear side panels?
The shorts offer good vaginal coverage. You should always look for that in a short.
The boots are like pylons, running slut-current from your toe to your thighs. What could be cooler than stonewashed static electricity? Anything. Any whore worth her salt would have loved these in 1990.
I wish you’d stop doing this to me and I wish I’d stop looking.
There’s something wrong with one or both of us – I think it’s you but I could be wrong.
I wish you’d stop doing this to me and I wish I’d stop looking.
There’s something wrong with one or both of us – I think it’s you but I could be wrong. Why are you telling me this is a duplicate comment? It’s no such thing.