In the last six months, I have gone in and out of various states that are not stages, just different emotional terrain. Shock, disbelief, rage, denial, guilt, and unspeakable agony. It isn’t better as time passes. If anything it is worse.
I continue writing this blog because it seems like something normal and productive to cling to, but I’m not sure if it’s doing me any good. When I’m not at my computer, I am mostly catatonic or crying. I reject all talk of “getting over it.” I don’t want to hear that he “is with me.” He is not with me. That is the problem. He is gone. And I miss him so much.
My husband and my teenager need me to stick around. It would be too brutal for me to act on my yearning to go find Max. I guess I’m not at the level of desperation where you stop caring about the hearts you will break.
Meanwhile, life goes on around me at home, and our roof is leaking badly enough to cause the ceiling to crumble in the kitchen. It falls in chunks and finer particles that cover the countertops. The roof is around 30 years old now.
My Cyber-sisters Kate and Queens Marie and Michelle have teamed up with everyone’s favorite jewelry designer and raconteur Wendy Brandes to raise funds for a new roof. I am so humbled by their kindness that I feel I must get in the spirit of things by showing off the adorable logo that Michelle designed:
The picture links directly to Wendy’s order form.
A roof is a symbol of shelter and stability. It would be a positive undertaking for my family and maybe even for me.
I love that our little community can be a force for good. We are all elevated by acts of compassion! Thank you sweetie pies for wanting to help.
*If you know anyone who would like to own one of these silver woolf necklaces, pass it on.