*Clarification, Beckywise*

clarification beckywise

*A friend said on fb that she was depressed by my last post. My answer to her may clarify my position, which my tone might have obscured.  Have not yet heard back from her. But here it is.  Feel free to weigh in.

I don’t like to depress you. I’m aware that white women are not welcome to comment on this subject by definition. Here’s something a little different. When I worked for Dear Abby, her office manager was an old redneck lady who had been with the Dear Abby outfit for 100 years or something. They were technophobes who kept everything on paper, in files. One of their popular reprints was a list of Jews Who Have Done Great Things. It included Jonas Salk, Einstein, etc. I found it one day and laughed in amazement. I read it aloud to the office…”Jews Who Have Done Great Things!” Misunderstanding my tone, the redneck lady replied, “No really, some of them are good!”

So, you know, I have no wish to be considered a Good Jew, or a Good White Lady. I will not be defined by another culture’s criteria, or even by my own culture, whatever that’s supposed to be. As an atheist, I was not born with original sin. As an Ashkenazi Jew, I was not born with America’s original sin. My grandma was given a made up name at Ellis Island because they couldn’t pronounce her real one. My dad was beaten up every day on his way to school for being a “kike.”

America is a cesspool of racism and stupidity. I voted for Jesse Jackson and I’m married to a Mexican American. I don’t want to apologize for having light skin but I do want to apologize for a country that celebrates stupidity and bigotry.

Shit like calling out bindi wearers is a waste of energy, in my opinion. I would be happy to see anyone wearing a big Hasidic hat because they are dope.

I have been your friend in cyberspace for all these years because of your brains, your sense of humor, our shared fashion obsessions, your kindness, and our mutual disdain for countless things. I hope we can respect each other’s ideas even when we don’t agree. xo

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4 Responses to *Clarification, Beckywise*

  1. Helen says:

    I think you’re fucking amazing. Seriously. I think of writing you this, and a thousand hearts, every time you post something new. I end up not doing it because most of the time I am on my phone and am too lazy to type.
    I’ve read your blog probably around 10 years now? Since I was 18 or so. I met my best friend yesterday who used to be my boyfriend many years ago and I read you some excerpts of your blog, which he remembers because I used to bring it up so frequently when we lived together. He said something about how completely fucking right you were, on everything, and we gushed on for a while about how amazingly beautifully you put everything from ugly denim to pain into words. I think anybody who’s smart and humble (see? how not humble of me to write that?) can’t help but love you, I know I do even though I am just some random person on the other side of the world. You’re such an inspiration and I admire your ability to… cope. This is going dangerously into cheesy territory and into words that are completely empty and don’t mean anything, but I really needed to write it down in these soppy words just this once even. All those assholes on reddit and horrible neighbours and ex-wives are insane and so self-centered they are lost in a vortex of blindness. You are a shining star.

    Sorry. On topic: yet again I find myself shouting YES!, re: bindis: people who go after that are fucking idiots. Idiots that don’t know what they are talking about. I have many times gone through this with actual Indian friends, Indian born and bred I mean – a bindi is a fucking fashion accessory. It is a fucking piece of jewellery. Your nose piercings and tattoos are EXACTLY as much cultural appropriation. Ugh, god. The ignorance, masquerading as some kind of concern. Rome is burning, there are bigger things to do.

  2. Miranda says:

    I totally agree with Helen’s eloquent comment. XO

  3. Joan says:

    What she said! ??

  4. Sister Wolf says:

    Helen – Wow, you are SO NICE. I’m going to read your comment every time I feel like a useless loser, which is pretty much daily but oh well. It is just wonderful to think I’ve had a positive effect or brought pleasure through writing here. Thank you so much! Also, thank you for backing up my feelings on this topic, I know it’s a sensitive one but I needed to deal with it. xoxo

    Miranda – Thank you, good to hear!

    Joan – Thank you too, Joan!

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