What Is It With You People?

Vladimir Clavijo Telepnev tears

I go to all the trouble to create a website called Hideous Denim, and what do I get?


You people are obviously too lazy to go over there and enjoy my expertly curated collection of the most hideous, fucked up denim monstrosities ever to blight this earth. It’s just laziness, because I know that in your hearts, you want to see ugly denim.

So guess what, you’re going to see some right now, because that’s how nice I am, and because I’ve lived a whole life of not being able to get people to cooperate with me.

bandana denim jeans

Here are the Bandana Jeans brought to you by provocateur Nazir Mazhar, a street-wear designer who expects you to pay $715.78 for the discomfort and humiliation. Look at the rear view:

bandana rear view

Three is only one pair left, size medium.

But don’t worry because this:

hideous junya jacket and skirt

Now this is just perfect on so many levels. Junya Watanabe signifies your appreciation of Japanese design, while breaking your bank account and making you look like a nutcase. I am sad to report that this outfit has sold out, but behold the skirt.

hideous junya skirt

Can you imagine anything more unflattering? So gorgeous! The real job of hideous denim is to mock the consumer on all levels. I’d say this Junya outfit is a ten out of ten.

What about something really, really stupid and embarrassingly twee, like a denim romper?

denim valentino playsuit 2490

Excuse me, it’s a playsuit, of course. And fairly priced at $2,490. How to wear it, you’re wondering as you hunt for your credit card? Read on.

denim valentino playsuit text

Not only playful, but DARLING! I fucking love this text. Hideous denim is even more rewarding when the text lives up to the fraudulence of the piece itself.

We are living in some rough times, aren’t we? I mean, we’re not eating dirt in Calcutta but we are fighting off existential dread from morning to night, watching our Netflix shows and compulsively checking our devices, waiting for the seas to rise or some maniac to shoot us or be elected President.

We deserve some relief, and that’s why god created all this awful hideous denim, even though he’s away from his desk.

So please enjoy.




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11 Responses to What Is It With You People?

  1. Bessie the Cow says:

    You made my night! I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time! Thank you.

  2. David Duff says:

    Please tell me those shoes have Rosa Klebb-style blades in them!

  3. Erin says:

    Deeply unpleasant, thank you for spreading the joy.

  4. Bevitron says:

    Impressions from a fashion ignoramus:

    1. Mid-20th century leg braces
    2. Roz Chast cartoon character come to life
    3. 70’s porn film

  5. This truly made my day. Recently saw a pic of Paul Westerberg wearing Hee Haw overalls. Wish I could get my hands on a pair of those.

  6. betty says:

    A modern take on retro hippie-chic. Of course. How many levels before we boil down to the ruse of cut-off denim overalls with patches for the wealthy bored? End of times….

  7. Suspended says:

    Bwahahaha, these posts are always so rewarding. Much gratitude, this shit gives me energy!! Haha

    Save your tears for someone else, Sister, I was still checking the blog but there hadn’t been anything new in ages đŸ˜›

  8. Suspended says:

    P.S. Love that pic of the crying girl xoxo

  9. helenwaite says:

    “elastisized” does not “read” $2490. it reads Sansabelt.

  10. Lara says:

    They call it daring not darling which is a fraction less fraudulent. Still hideous.

  11. Sister Wolf says:

    Lara – Oh my god, this is what happens when you’re senile! You misread or transpose on letter and everything changes. The other day, I stared in wonder at a notice on the door of a thrift-shop that said “POISON AVAILABLE.” Than realized it was ‘position available.’ Soooooo different.

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