The Black Jacket Project

Posted on February 26, 2010 by Sister Wolf

Inspired by the mom-woman and her what-I-wore pictures, I’ve decided to share my carefully curated collection of Black Jackets.   I only had time for five of them. Believe me, this is just   the tip of the Black Jacket Iceberg. The jacket above is a leather jacket by Rachel Roy, around 4 years old. Check out the peplum thing in the back.

Here’s a wool motorcycle jacket and notice how I didn’t use “moto” in my description.

Here’s another wool motorcycle jacket that’s kind of quilted and shorter.

This one is a cashmere jacket by Richard Tyler…my very first eBay purchase. It has a beautiful embroidered lining in peach satin.

Here is the Plein Sud jacket that I got at the UCLA Cancer Thrift Shop a few years ago. I once used it to sit on at a Patti Smith concert at the pier, that’s how awesome I am.

Would you like to see some more Black Jackets? There are two more leather ones, two cotton ones, and I’m afraid to   remember if there are others.

What the hell is wrong with me? (Oh shit, I just remembered the Ann D. jacket I got from Yoox.com!) How many times do you have to buy the same thing before you feel satisfied, you know what I’m saying?

Or maybe it’s my life’s work to curate Black Jackets? I hope not.

Now tell the class what item you are doomed to keep buying. And if you choose to gush over any of my jackets, please call me “Judy”, just for fun!

Posted in Disorders, Fashion | Tagged , , | 45 Comments

Let’s Count Trigs

Posted on February 24, 2010 by Sister Wolf

If you’re an active member of PAP Smear, you already know about the newest evidence concerning Trig-gate. If not, you can check it out here and here.

The original Trig has a deformed ear. The current Trig does not. Nobody is saying where Mrs. P procured those Trigs, or even how many Trigs there might be. Nobody has yet seen a copy of any birth certificate.

Real Americans want Real Trigs, goddammit!

* cartoon from here.

Posted in News, revenge | Tagged , , | 24 Comments

A Style Vacuum

Posted on February 24, 2010 by Sister Wolf

A friend   sent me a link to a woman who has a blog and documents what she wears every day. My friend ‘s question was: “Why?!?”

God. I have no idea. Has everyone gone nuts? Who gives a shit what you wear every day, no matter who you are? I don’t even care what I wear every day, let alone some boring mom-woman.

I guess this mom-woman is the antidote to the Sartorialist.   The whole spectacle of what people wear has reached a tipping point, in my opinion.   Let’s start seeing everyone’s dental work or something.

Posted in Fashion, Horrible Stuff, Rants | Tagged , | 38 Comments

Casting Your Life

Posted on February 23, 2010 by Sister Wolf

Thanks to Hammie, I now know what actress should play me in the movie based on my life: Catherine Keener. Perfect choice, Hammie! She is definitely an idealized version of me…an attractive, mature hippie type. Or as I like to call her, the thinking man’s Demi Moore.

Years ago, my sister’s husband had an “adventure” that I won’t go into, except to say that afterward, my sister and I liked to secretly cast the movie of it. The title would be “On the Lam.” We figured that Karen Allen or maybe Debra Winger could play us, and Sam Neil could play her husband. I can’t remember how we cast the other characters in our lives, but it was a great game.

The other night though, I saw a movie with Debra Winger, who is now an old hag; she’s definitely out. And I have remarried. My husband can be played by Carlos Santana, since he’s been mistaken for Carlos Santana more than once.

If for some reason, Catherine Keener is too busy to play me, I would settle for Dita Von Teese.

Who would you cast as you in the movie of your life?

Posted in Art, Celebrities | Tagged , , | 31 Comments

How Cute is This Shoe?

Posted on February 22, 2010 by Sister Wolf

Just kidding!

When I clicked to enlarge the picture, just to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating, I was momentarily nauseated. But I like the third bullet point in the description:   “Rat accent.”

$100 at Revolve.

Posted in Fashion, Horrible Stuff | Tagged , | 31 Comments

Finding My Niche

Posted on February 22, 2010 by Sister Wolf

Every time I read a thing about bloggers having to find a niche, my heart sinks.   I’m not doing anything right. I’m also supposed to put keywords in my post titles, and to figure out what kind of posts bring the most traffic. That way, I can give the readers more of what They want.

I’m terrible at following rules, even when it would be in my best interest.

I also read some shit about finding your Voice and establishing your Brand. No problems there, I think. My Voice is my actual voice, and the Sister Wolf Brand..well, duh.

But here’s a great idea for a niche. Shopbop, my favorite online shopping site, has announced that returns of their merchandise are now free! So is shipping. Wouldn’t it be great if I spent the rest of my life ordering stuff from Shopbop, modeling it, and then sending it back?!

I could let readers vote on what I have to buy and model! I could try to pose like Goony Bird! I could glower like Starvng Girl! I could wear rompers and sequin shorts! The possibilities are endless. And horrible!

I wish I had the energy to carry this out, don’t you? I could get really famous as That Crazy Woman Who Models Shopbop Crap. But would I get a book deal, do you think?

I’m not doing anything that won’t get me a book deal. In fact, that is my motto from now on. I’m going to try it out on my husband when he gets home tonight.

Posted in Fashion, Rants | Tagged , , , | 25 Comments

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Posted on February 21, 2010 by Sister Wolf

This is a real question.

This is how Madonna dressed her daughter Mercy for a day out in Manhattan, while she herself wore some crap by Ed Hardy. Why does she want her child to look like a fucking lawn jockey?!? I can see that Mercy looks happy, but this get-up is so disturbing.

Is it me? Or what?

Posted in Celebrities, Rants | Tagged , , | 22 Comments

Los Angeles Premiere, “Dress Up!”

Posted on February 20, 2010 by Sister Wolf

I was honored to serve as the Los Angeles premiere* of Kate Battrick’s short film, “Dress Up,” this week. Kate is known to some of you as the author of Make Do Style.

Her film is a charming and ambitious look at celebrity, aspiration, fashion and status, told through the chance meeting of a young couple who misread each other’s expectations.

When Kate becomes a famous auteur, you can say you remember her start in film-making. Great job, Kate!

*Sweater from my Grandma, shoes from SWEAR London.

Posted in Art, Fashion, News | Tagged , | 15 Comments

When Classic Movies Go Bad

Posted on February 19, 2010 by Sister Wolf

The other night, I saw the film Blow-Up for the first time. What a piece of shit!

Don’t you hate it when a movie you’re supposed to revere turns out to be crap? Blow-Up is the boringest most pointless movie I’ve seen in years.   I know it’s a landmark movie of the 60’s but seen today, it’s just ponderous and stilted. David Hemmings can’t act to save his life and never changes out of his bright white jeans. After an hour of nothingness, all I wanted was a different pair of pants.

In the end, David Hemmings comes upom a group of mimes and pretends to return an imaginary ball to them. The End. Fuck! Reading the reviews now, I wonder if everyone was too high on acid to figure out what a stupid bad movie it was.

Black Dynamite, on the other hand, is delightful! It’s a loving homage to blaxploitation films, just funny enough to provoke laughs without devolving into a winking satire.   When a sexy lounge singer tells Black Dynamite “I get off in about 15 minutes,” he answers “I know you do, baby.” My husband and I are still having fun saying, “I can dig it.”

Much more entertaining than a Beatle-haired photographer sulking around his apartment or staring into space. One review of Blow-Up explained that it was about meaninglessness. I think that’s just a euphemism for “Huh?”

What classic or cult films have failed to live up to your expectations?

Posted in Art | Tagged , | 43 Comments

Mrs. Palin Reaches Out To Annoy The Disabled

Posted on February 18, 2010 by Sister Wolf

Once upon a time, Mrs. Palin was just a poor innocent little girl whose only friends were a pair of huge prawns. As she grew up with only a voracious appetite for power to substitute for intellect, she turned her back on those faithful prawns. She found herself a baby with Down Syndrome and decided to use it as both sword and shield.

She found out that a TV show called Family Guy made a joke about her. She went and made her daughter Bristol write a crybaby communique on Facebook, complaining that the Family Guy writers were heartless jerks. Waaah!

But Mrs. Palin and Bristol were too retarded dumb to figure out that the Down Syndrome character in the family Guy episode was portrayed as a normal young woman out on a date! A woman who assertively instructs her date to pay more attention to her needs.

The actress who gave voice to that character has spoken out. Yay! She doesn’t know why Mrs. Palin has no sense of humor. And she doesn’t know why Mrs. P is so mad.   She explains: “I’m like, I’m not Trig.”

YES! She is not Trig. Can we have a fucking moratorium on Trig? No? Then, how about an organized opposition among the disabled community against being used to further the agenda of a delusional megalomaniac? Our “special needs” kids are regular people, not Perfect Little Gifts From God to stop everyone from having the option of abortion.

~

I am working on a word salad to represent all that is repellent about Mrs. P.   I’m not finished yet, but so far it goes like this:

Our great country full of real people, real people who have to put fresh moose protein on the table, not to be lectured by a Harvard lawyer, but also too the terrorists who seek to hide behind our great constitution, where Putin and others like him may wish to use Death Panels to kill my precious baby, unlike the real America, real hard workin’ Americans, if you just let the private sector do its work, use some of those good decent common sense values, like those out on the north Slope, those written by our Founding Fathers, I can tell you as a mother of five who chose Life along with some good natural Alaskan moose with which this great country is so rich in natural old and gas, we can make America great again. God bless you!

Posted in News, Rants, Words | Tagged , , | 16 Comments