| And I'm getting madder.

Artists or Idiots?

Posted on October 2, 2009 by Sister Wolf

A disgruntled reader just left a comment on a post about Andrew Krasnow, an artist whose medium is human skin.

“I was Googling feminist cunt art when I came across this blog. No, Krasnow never made lampshades of human skin, and no, the artist never bought the skin at auction. Dude, get your facts straight before blogging about stuff you don’t know.”

Oooh! Feminist cunt art?!? Take it away! But anyone who calls me Dude is worth listening to. This art expert goes on to say:

“The idea is to get you to think. Not everyone understands art. Why did Chris Burden have himself shot? Why did Orlan have 9 surgeries to recreate herself as living art? Why does Paul McCarthy like using ketchup in performance art? Not everyone is meant to understand art. If they did, there wouldn’t be such a thing as blue chip art.”

Jesus. How many things are wrong with this lecture? I for one have no fucking idea why these artists did what they did, but my guess is that they are idiots. Chris Burden is now part of the establishment and doesn’t want people to kill hamsters and call it art, but that’s a topic for another day.

I’m glad this commenter brought Orlan to my attention, just so I can have another person to jeer at. She is a French performance artist whose most recent shtick is to undergo icky operations and call it Art.

Why are people so stupid, does anyone know? Who is sillier, Orlan or her audience? I LOVE it when someone challenges me about art, because Dude, that’s why I have a blog. I’m still mad and I’m still getting madder!

Posted in Art, Rants, Words | Tagged artists, idiots | 23 Comments

Poor Biggie!

Posted on October 2, 2009 by Sister Wolf

My leg with the broken hip is now swollen beyond recognition. It still looks like a leg, just not mine.

When I had trouble getting it up on the bed, I spoke to it aloud, offering encouragement. It seemed to respond. So I’ve named it Biggie. If you look at this picture of Biggie, imagine the puffiness transposed to a leg and voila, that’s what it looks like. Even my foot is fat and puffy, like the foot of an enormous baby.

Naturally, I have named the other leg Tupac. Respect. Here, enjoy the horror of my incision.

There’s another smaller one a few inches down, but I don’t want anyone to accuse me of being too gory.

Posted in Horrible Stuff | Tagged Biggie and Tupac, swelling | 18 Comments

Maxes and Wild Things

Posted on October 1, 2009 by Sister Wolf

I love Maurice Sendak just like all decent people, but I prefer his illustrations in “Mr. Rabbit and the Lovely Present” to “Where the Wild Things Are.” The latter book is poised to be ruined forever by the movie version, and if that’s not enough there are the product tie-ins.

Look at this tragically idiotic “Max suit” by Opening Ceremony for $610. Naturally, it is sold out. I thought we were well past Plushies and Furries but no, not yet. Why is this supposed to be cute? Why do grown ups have to co-opt a children’s book? Children need Mommies and Daddies, not ironic label whores dressed in bunny suits.

It annoys me to see the name Max debased like this. A Max should look more like this:

When my Max was born, the only Maxes around were old Jews. When Max was around 12 I think, Steven Spielberg named his kid Max and the scourge began. Still, the name cannot be ruined. It’s just too good.

Some other Wild Thing products include a couple of typically garish designs by jewelry designer Pamela Love. Her claw necklace for Opening Ceremony is less ugly than her claw bracelets, but it still screams Ooh, Creepy Goth! which does nothing for me as a fashion statement.

If you like claws, you might appreciate my wacky vintage bracelet and earring set by Selro, a 50’s era brand that combined metal, plastic and rhinestones for its distinctive designs.

I have curated Quite the Collection of claw shit for years and years, but I am planning to sell most of it. I am much too busy having accidents and surgery to devote any time to a proper job. This Selro shit is in mint condition, $200 plus shipping. SOLD

Posted in Art, Fashion, Rants | Tagged books, jewelry, Max | 16 Comments

You Won’t Even Believe This

Posted on September 28, 2009 by Sister Wolf

Let me begin with I’m Sorry, because I really am. This blog has devolved into a tale of woe that is much too personal but still not personal enough. Try to bear with me.

I broke my fucking hip. I KNOW it’s not a good time to break my hip. That didn’t stop me. It was dark outside and I tripped and fell on the concrete driveway. I knew something was broken but I waited a few minutes before admitting that I needed an ambulance. In fact, I think I was pretty businesslike, given the pain and horror.

A broken hip hurts so much, you have no idea until you have one. It is agony. For the first couple of hours, I begged everyone not to hurt me. “Please don’t hurt me!” and “Please don’t let anyone hurt me!” over and over. An ER nurse named Debbie and an ex-ray guy did their best to help. Thanks Debbie and ex-ray guy!

The ER doctor told me that I needed surgery. When I pleaded with him, he told me that it was a really “bad” break and that’s why my leg looked “two inches shorter than the other one.” I still don’t know what he was talking about but he gets zero points for bedside manner.

I will try to cut to the chase. It’s five days later and I’m home. The pain is still off the chart but I’m supposed to try to keep moving. I think there are nails and screws in my hip/leg but oh well.

I will let you in on a little secret. All anyone cares about in the hospital are bowel movements. People want you to have one. Patients in other rooms are desperate to have one. I had a little notice board in my room with a list of 3 goals for the day. Bowel Movement was number 3, after Reduce Pain and Try to Move.

I hope that no one reading this ever has to endure a broken hip, even if I hate you. Please be careful! Take calcium, too. Max is doing well and I told him that lots of people were sending prayers and Good Thoughts. I know I can count on you to keep up the good work for him while I recover. xo

Posted in Horrible Stuff, Religion, Words | Tagged hospitals, nurses, pain | 60 Comments

Thanks For Nothing, Mackenzie Phillips

Posted on September 23, 2009 by Sister Wolf

Here I am, innocently checking out the headlines at Huffington Post, when I am assaulted by the news that Mackenzie Phillips slept with her father, John Phillips. Eoow, god, why do we have to know this?! I will never be able to enjoy “California Dreaming” again.

If you don’t know who John Phillips is, you’re probably not going to give a shit about this. Unless you pretend it’s Miley Cyrus admitting to an affair with her dad. Which she won’t do, even though it’s obvious they are lovers.

Mackenzie is 49 years old now, and she’s already talked quite a bit about her struggles with drug addiction. I’m sure she had a screwed up life, but why must she go public about having sex with her father? I’m thinking that if I experienced incest, it would be good to tell a therapist, but what moves a person to notify the entire world?

Maybe I just can’t bear to think that this stuff goes on. Am I being mean to Mackenzie? Do you want to know which celebrities slept with their parents or their kids? Except for Miley and Billy Ray, I am so not into it!

If you’re a “name” and you plan to write a confessional memoir, this has certainly raised the bar. Perhaps that’s the silver lining: famous people might consider leaving us alone now.

Posted in Celebrities, Horrible Stuff, News | Tagged incest, Miley Cyrus | 34 Comments

Hospital Life

Posted on September 22, 2009 by Sister Wolf

Today I was at the hospital for 12 hours, waiting for my son’s surgery and then waiting for word about the surgery and then waiting for him to return to his room. The surgery was successful and I am still trying to unwind.

Hospital life is an alternate universe where time is different, people are different, and you start enjoying the hand sanitizer. I’ve gotten so sick of myself and my own story that the sound of someone yelling personal shit into a phone is fascinating beyond belief. I listened to a guy screaming emotionally about obscure family dramas as he paced back and forth, tearing at his hair. I hoped I could lure him into confiding in me before he disappeared down the hall.

Since the hospital Proudly Serves Starbucks, one spends about $15 a day for the relief of having a hot drink to hold when one is kicked out of the ICU for staff changes or Procedures. One soon becomes familiar with all the restrooms, the limited offerings of the gift shop, and the places where one can get a phone signal.

For the fashion-conscious, the hospital is a big wake-up call. I hate the term “wake-up call.” I could have said “eye-opener” but I hate that too, although not with the same intensity. No one dresses with any discernible style at the hospital. In nearly three weeks, I have seen exactly two women wearing Fierce Shoes. One looked like a misplaced prostitute/fashionista, and the other appeared to be a deluded immigrant of some kind. Today in the elevator, however, I saw an old lady (i.e., my age) wearing an embroidered cardigan that I myself purchased last year from the Lucky Jeans store. The cardigan is dead to me now.

What I’d really like is to slowly re-accustom myself to non-Hospital Life, but that is not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe I can at least cut down on the coffee but that is even more unlikely.

The weirdest part of all is coming home to my other life, and to my computer. The stuff I paid so much attention to is vaguely absurd, but somehow comforting. I just saw some pictures of Tavi at Fashion Week, dressed like an old lady at a bingo table in Miami. I’m waiting for her to take off that dwarf costume and go “Ha ha, suckers!” Not because she’s too sophisticated to be a kid but because her style is so fucking awful.

That’s it for now. Who wants to come up with an idea for a contest where the prize is that dead cardigan?

Posted in Fashion, Horrible Stuff, Words | Tagged fashion bloggers, hospitals | 23 Comments

Finally, A Cool Old Bag!

Posted on September 20, 2009 by Sister Wolf

I have a feeling that before too long, we will all be sick of this 82 year old model but for now I am pretty damn impressed. The clothes by Joanna Sykes are genuinely age defying, aren’t they? Silver leather jeans and a nude silk shirt seems like an obvious combination now that Sykes has put them together but I never would have thought of it.

This outfit looks even more beautiful on a more conventional model. What is not to love here?!? If Patti Smith could see this shit, she might even give up her customary black on black. Patti, we are ready for a change, just this once!

I’m often annoyed at myself for getting married in gold leather pants but now I’m thinking it was a good idea after all. This was either 8 or 9 years ago, I can never remember the exact date. If I can hang on until I’m 82, I guess I could wear them with a nude silk shirt, preferably by Joanna Sykes, who is a fucking genius.

Posted in Fashion | Tagged Joanna Sykes, leather, old bags | 16 Comments

The Joy of Midgets

Posted on September 20, 2009 by Sister Wolf

Last night I attended the annual Port of Los Angeles Lobster Festival, drawn by the promise of a KISS tribute band composed of midgets. It was a warm, humid evening, and hundreds of people wandered around happily wearing stupid red lobster hats, drinking beer and enjoying the opportunity to have a blast for only $7.

Bikers, home-girls, dock workers, head-bangers, shirtless Samoans, old people and little kids mingled together in perfect harmony. When “Shorty’s Little Kiss Band” took the stage, it was a sight that brought pure joy to every face in the crowd. Raucous midgets in KISS make-up are the answer to everything! I didn’t recognize most of the songs but I figured out how to do the heavy metal hand sign and hollered appreciation with all my lung power.

From now on, I will be proselytizing that “Midgets Set You Free.” It’s the best time I’ve had in months. You can check out some other midget acts for hire over here at Shorty’s Little People Talent agency.

Posted in Art, Disorders | Tagged KISS, lobsters, midgets | 7 Comments

The Mother Animal

Posted on September 19, 2009 by Sister Wolf

This is not a Mom Blog, but Sister Wolf is nothing if not a mother. And nothing makes a mother feel more like an animal than when her child is in danger.

My child has been in the hospital for just over two weeks. It has gone from terrible to better to good, and back to terrible. From critical condition to stable condition. Then back to critical.

I’ve noticed that all my animal instincts have been activated. I have never felt more rage. I was ready to kill. I threatened to kill more than once. When I encountered an incompetent nurse, I appealed to the head of administration to keep her away from my son. We haven’t seen her again.

I have stayed up all night on sheer adrenalin. I’ve been scared to death and maintained my composure.

Now I have to deal with some fucking idiots who pumped my kid full of opiates and then reduced them so quickly that he went into serious withdrawal, which was the most horrible thing I have ever witnessed. Fuckers! Why can’t I kill them?

All I can do is watch over him and do my best to make sure that one of the best hospitals in the US doesn’t make another mistake.

When I sit beside his bed, I love him as much as the day he was born. I could look at his face for hours, and I do. I love the way he smells, even when it’s awful. I am flooded with maternal adoration. I wish he had fleas so I could pick them out of his fur.

I will probably take this post down soon enough, but for anyone interested, that’s the current situation. In my exhaustion, I asked my husband to help me organize my priorites. Here is my list:

1. Get Max well.
2. Drink water.
3. Revenge.

I may lose my appetite for revenge, but I did have the brilliant idea of keeping a water pistol in my handbag. Why didn’t I ever think of this before?! When someone makes me mad, I can just squirt them in the face!

I guess neccessity really is the mother of invention. And mothers in crisis are not to be fucked with.

Posted in Religion, revenge | 44 Comments

Some Girl Hates Me

Posted on September 17, 2009 by Sister Wolf

Here is new comment from “renee” on a post from last year about an eBay nemesis:

FIRST OF ALL SHE IS A TALENTED DESIGNER AND DONT YOU WISH YOU HAD THE IDEA FIRST WELL YEAH OF COURSE YOU DO THATS WHY YOUR SO BITTER. INSTEAD OF APPRECIATING HER BEAUTIFUL JEWELRY YOU SPREAD NASTINESS. YOU GO AROUND TALKING TRASH INSTEAD OF HONING INTO POSITIVE THOUGHTS. YOUR PROBABLY A REAL WINNER……. BE MORE AWARE CAUSE MAYBE ONE OF THESE DAYS THE SPIRIT OF THE TIGER MIGHT JUST COME AND BITE YOUR BIG ASS MOUTH….. NOW SHUT IT ALREADY
SPREAD LOVE NOT HATE

Wow! Why is renee so mad?! Why do people who want you to spread love seem so enraged and possibly insane?!

Here’s the problem, as I see it: “You’re” and “your” are not interchangeable. People who can’t get that straight are no good for anything.

Please feel free to register your own grammatical pet peeves, for me or renee, below.

Posted in Uncategorized | 43 Comments