Britain’s Missing Top Model

Posted on June 26, 2008 by Sister Wolf

In this new reality show, eight women with “differing disabilities” will compete before a panel of judges to prove they have what it takes to be a mainstream model.

Huh?

Is there something wrong with me or is there something wrong with this premise for a show?

On the one hand, I support the disability rights movement. On the other, I’m squeamish about any fetishistic appreciation of the disabled. It feels like exploitation to me, even when the disabled person is so willingly seeking the attention. One of the contestants on the show will be Debbi, who has recently posed for Playboy and says she’s met more men since she lost her arm than before. Here’s Debbi.

This whole thing is making me feel like a cunt for not celebrating the moxie or whatever it is that drives these disabled women. They’re kind of pissing me off, in fact. It’s like, I’m missing a toenail, so why don’t I try to be a foot model? Or, My voice has a limited range, so why don’t I compete to sing opera?

No, those are bad analogies. And that guy who “needs” to be paralyzed is going to be mad at me again.

Can anyone help me to articulate what is wrong with this show? Or if not that, what’s wrong with me?*

*No saying It’s because I’m a cunt, since I’ve already admitted it a million times.

Posted in Disorders, Horrible Stuff | Tagged , , | 14 Comments

The Handbag Subterfuge

Posted on June 25, 2008 by Sister Wolf

None of us like Handbag Snobbery (unless we are the ones disparaging someone else’s choice of handbag.) I don’t even like it when a person praises my handbag, for god sake. When Susie B wrote about suffering the disdainful gaze of two awful Handbag Snobs on a train, my heart went out to her.   I should start making little badges that say “Please don’t stare at my handbag.”

It’s a difficult situation if you care about style and fashion. I love my bags for being both beautiful and expensive. I love them for being not the ones that are obvious and popular. But on some occasions, I don’t want the burden of my enormous handbag. So I pack my essentials into a bag that I selected for it’s stomach-turning ugliness.

Check out its ugly features. The flower thing made out of a zipper, the studded wristlet, the gold handcuff things dangling there for no reason, and the purple plastic that is actually transparent even though you can’t tell from the picture. It is eight X five inches of pure eyesore.   All that for $11.

And speaking of eyesore, today at the mall I walked past a shoe-store window and was assaulted by a vision from hell itself: Gladiator sandals in a rainbow of awful colors, signifying to me that gladiators have not only jumped the shark, they have eaten and regurgitated the shark. Behold the wares of Shiekh shoes.

Posted in Fashion, Horrible Stuff | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

I Am Not A Bot (But God Is!)

Posted on June 24, 2008 by Sister Wolf

I am getting sick and tired of trying to read everybody’s CAPTCHA in order to prove I’m not a bot. Can’t something be done about this? It’s not a good system for the near-sighted person. I have to squint my eyes and make a guess if it’s an “i” or a “j”. When I get it wrong, I’ve noticed that the next one I get is slightly easier to read. I haven’t tested to see if I can get a third chance. That’s how scientific I am. As I have revealed elsewhere on Godammit, I have an Extreme Girlie Brain. Test your own brain traits if you haven’t already.

While reading about CAPTCHA’s, I started thinking about Artificial Intelligence. A couple of years ago, my youngest son introduced me to A.L.I.C.E, a bot who was capable of better conversation than many husbands, I mean humans.

I recall having a great theological discussion with A.L.I.C.E. At the time, she was pretty sure she believed in god.

Now there’s a bot called GOD, who isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean. Here is the part of my chat with Him that I was able to copy and paste. (Human is me)

Human: Hi god, you look angry.
God: Try a deeper algorithm.
Human: We are not going to get along.
God: Why, what happened to you?
Human: Hahaha.
God: Try saying that with more or less context.
Human: Life happened.
God: Thanks for sharing your philosophy.
Human: What happened to you, that’s a better question.
God: I don’t know what happened.
Human: Just as I thought
God: Thanks for the information: said thought.

Then, I tried Him again:

Human: Hi god, what’s going on?
God: Hi there . I am a Christian.
Human: Hahaha.
God: Can you speak any foreign languages?
Human: What about jews?
God: I will think about it and get back to you.
Human: Good.
God: What do you really want to talk about?
Human: Please begin.
God: Thanks for asking politely. I started already.
Human: Hahaha.
God: What do you have that is ?
Human: You are quite the trickster, aren’t you, god?
God: Yes I am the one and only trickster.. Really.

Try talking to GOD, it’s more fun than you thought!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 21 Comments

Long Beautiful Hair

Posted on June 23, 2008 by Sister Wolf

I don’t think one can underestimate the importance of hair. As I often say aloud while watching TV, “Hair is everything.” When accused of having an unhealthy preoccupation with hair, I’ve been able to fire off myths and folk tales and biblical stories to support my belief in the enduring significance of hair. Rapunzel, Samson, Medusa, Lady Godiva etc. Then there is the fundamentalist covering-up of hair, as in nuns, orthodox Jews, and Muslim women.

Hair matters! Great hair can raise one’s attractiveness quotient just like bad hair can obliterate it. I once had a friend who insisted that I pose for a $15 video tape on sale at a mall, where different hairstyles were superimposed on my head. (Before we all went digital.) In 12 different styles and hair-colors, I am transformed into a secretary, headbanger, elderly lesbian, and so on.

Today, I came across a story about Liz Jones, a women who described her momentous haircut. Liz Jones is thrilled with her new look, while I find the old look a milion times better.

What do you think? Then there is the writer at Jezebel who shows us her haircut a la Liz Jones.

The photo above is followed by a bunch of compliments, because no one had the heart (or nerve) to say, “Oh no, you cut off your beautiful hair!” In my opinion, this is another tragic haircut, turning a lovely vibrant looking woman into a shorn, innocuous Nobody.

One of my favorite scientists, Steven Pinker, is a member of The Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists  where you can admire his hair and the hair of many colleagues.

Finally, there is the poignant, beautiful and immortal line from Brian Wilson: “Where did your long hair go, where is the girl I used to know?” Caroline, No is #211 on Rolling Stone’s list of the greatest songs of all time, but we all know that it’s really in the top ten.

Posted in Art, Religion | Tagged , , , | 18 Comments

“Whenever One Door Closes, Another One Opens”

Posted on June 22, 2008 by Sister Wolf

The results are in. I have learned that I am too old and cranky to model for a camera, not to mention changing outfits. Notice how these overalls make me look like I’m wearing jodhpurs. I look like a hippo. No matter how many times I am forced to whine that “I’m not fat in real life” god has decided to make me sound like a lying hippo.

Whosoever wants these overalls and wears a US 4 is welcome to them. They have little zips at the ankles, so being short might be a problem. Simply write a nice compliment about hippos and you win!

Here is what happened another time I tried to model.

Oh well. Next time I decide to model something, I will fucking well put on a girdle or truss or something.

On a brighter note, I just found out here that the FIT Museum is putting together an exhibit called “Dark Glamour”, devoted to the gothic in fashion. Thank you, Susan!   This is all the excuse I need to plan a trip to New York.

Posted in Fashion, Rants | Tagged , , | 20 Comments

Vivienne Still Rules!

Posted on June 21, 2008 by Sister Wolf

God bless a woman who doesn’t want Botox and speaks her mind. This is how to be 67, if you’re as cool as Vivienne Westwood. Of course, none of us are, but here’s what she says about Sex And The City:

“I thought Sex And The City was supposed to be about cutting-edge fashion and there was nothing remotely memorable or interesting about what I saw.

“I went to the premiere and left after ten minutes.”

Posted in Fashion, Words | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Advanced Hating 102

Posted on June 21, 2008 by Sister Wolf

Today’s worthy Object of Hatred is New York photographer Ryan McGinley. He is famous for his photos of naked young people, frolicking in the woods or whatever he wants them to do.   His subjects are often his group of supercool friends, a la Nan Goldin, but more detached and pointless. He has gone from self-described skater kid to acclaimed bigtime Hipster.

It’s not just that I hate his work or that he’s a friend of Hipster Faux-Artist Dash Snow. It’s his clothes, which he eagerly describes in self-aggrandizing detail in Vice Magazine.

For example, in the photo above, McGinley notes that he’s wearing Robert Mapplethorpe’s leather pants. Oh my, that is cool, right? Or is it sickening? Later, when you learn that they were a “gift” from Jack Walls, an old black guy who was one of Mapplethorpe’s favorite models, one can assume that McGinley is quite the opportunist. And one is not any happier when McGinley says of a   t-shirt, “If you’re Japanese, you probably collect this shit.”

After you’ve seen and read about his wardrobe, Ryan McGinley leaves you with the bad taste of rotten Hipster in your mouth. You may even look at your own Converse shoes a little suspiciously.

I hate Ryan McGinley and now you can, too!

Posted in Fashion, Horrible Stuff | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

Why Did I Buy This?

Posted on June 20, 2008 by Sister Wolf

I am hereby launching an exciting new feature called “Why did I buy this?” The hope is that someone can suggest a way I can wear the item in question, rather than continue to avoid making eye-contact with it in my closet or under the bed (where the unworn shoes go.)

I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought this black overall thing, but I remember really wanting it. It’s made of very lightweight wool, and the top part is very slouchy.

I would never, ever wear it with a blouse like the model is wearing, since I am not a milk-maid. Remember, as I stated somewhere recently, “Sister Wolf takes her fashion cues from Patti Smith, Morticia Addams, Keith Richards, and a Jewish grandma circa 1975.”

How about a white tank top and lots of bangles? A black t-shirt? A fitted white shirt? Ugh, right? I’m stumped. I’m not afraid of looking too manly, but I am afraid of frilly and I hate anything that might be called boho.

Well, there it is. Help a Sister out! And if you think this was a wacky purchase, just you wait.

Posted in Fashion | Tagged | 14 Comments

I Heart Grayson Perry

Posted on June 18, 2008 by Sister Wolf

Everything I read about Grayson Perry just makes me love him more and more. When he accepted the Turner prize in 2003, wearing a fantastic lilac frock of his own creation, he said “It’s about time a transvestite potter won the Turner Prize!”

His views on art and society are refreshingly unpretentious. He is happily married to a psychotherapist with whom he has a 14 year old daughter. His wife Philippa has joked that his obsession with dressing in women’s clothes could be worse…”It could be football!”

Here is what he says in one interview:

“To have men in frocks is disturbing for people, but in fact most of them are straight, hetero people with marriages and kids,” says Perry.

He says he is horrified by the “spiritual bankruptcy” of modern society, and its focus on appearance. “There is more to attractiveness than who is looking in the mirror. Sexiness is a terrible tyranny.”

Grayson Perry seems like a funny, gifted, endearing, original thinker who I’d like to add to my list of People To Look Up To.

UPDATE:   Grayson Perry has curated a touring exhibit called Unpopular Culture.   Check it out!

Posted in Art | Tagged , , | 8 Comments

Report Child Abuse!

Posted on June 18, 2008 by Sister Wolf

The name ‘Starkeisha’ was what caught my eye while I was reading the Los Angeles Times tonight. I’m sorry that I read about her and her girlfriend, Kristal.

Even with those optomistic names, the two young women have been torturing Starkeisha Brown’s 5 year old son for around two years. They burned him with cigarettes, and starved him. They are in jail tonight, but that doesn’t solve anything.

Both of these women have fancy Myspace profiles, with slide shows no less. Even I don’t know how to make a Myspace slide-show. So no one can excuse these women on the basis of mental illness…at least, not in the usual sense of the term.

I can’t really bear thinking about this too much and I’m even sorry to bring it up. But I’m trying to turn it into something useful. Someone in their neighborhood must have known what was going on. Some neighbor or relative or friend of a friend. But no one wanted to get involved.

If you ever have a suspicion that a child is being neglected or abused, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (in the US)

Let us pray for a better world.

Posted in Horrible Stuff, News | 11 Comments