We Are Not Fooled

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Have you been noticing all the l——s that combine leather and jersey? Every label has its own version, even Helmut Lang and DVF.

What do these garments say to you? To me, they are saying “I can’t afford leather so I bought these instead.” Why else would you buy them, right? That’s why they make me sad. They remind me that I can’t afford a pair of leather l——s, even though they are a key item for fall/winter.   Like any spoiled brat, I’d rather have nothing if I can’t have what I want.

To cheer my self up, I’m enjoying the sight of these “custom-distressed splattered jeans.”

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“Alice + Olivia custom distresses each pair of these worn and torn jeans to look like you’ve had them forever.”

Hahaha! Would any of us see someone walk by wearing these jeans and think, “Wow, she’s had those forever?” I think it would be more like “Oh god, ugh, what next, jeans stained with axle grease and vomit“?

Posted in Fashion | Tagged , , | 8 Comments

Sister Wolf Video #2

This time, meet my sister, enjoy my hair, and much much more!

Posted in Art, Disorders | Tagged , , , | 27 Comments

Name-the-Baby Contest

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Fashion Herald is expecting her first baby and I’m so excited for her. I believe she is still searching for the perfect name, so here’s our chance to step up and offer suggestions. I found a nice source of names in the archives of the US Social Security Department, where you can search the most popular names of every year since 1879.

The most popular baby names of 2008 are ones to avoid if at all possible. We dont need any more boys names Logan, Aiden, Jayden or Ryan. I’m a little suspicious about the lack of Hunters, Austins, Jacksons, and Dylans. Maybe they’ll show up in the list for 2009.

The 2008 girls include Madison, Ava, Chloe, Mia and god help us, Sarah.

It’s tough to find a name you want to be saying for the next 60 years, often yelling it at the top of your lungs. It has to be a name that doesn’t seem pretentious even to you, and that won’t traumatize your kid.   I remember trying to find a good name for my youngest. I liked Otto, because it’s a palindrome and I could imagine a great kid named Otto! Even more than Otto, I liked the name Gus. It would go well with “Max,” my older boy. They could be Max and Gus, like two old Jews in a Delicatessen. But my husband wouldn’t go for it.

A name is a big deal! Try asking your mom if she had another name in mind for you that she almost used. It’s often quite a shock to discover you could’ve been “Nancy” (in my case.)

Okay, so please suggest a couple of great names for Fashion Herald! She doesn’t have to use any of them, of course, but she will get to select her favorite submission.   The winner will get a nice prize that I haven’t figured out yet. It will be something unique if not actually good!

Okay, time is running out so get to work.

And by the way, Lauren wants a nice Cunt Badge for her blog, so here it is.   Let me know if you need me to re-size if for you.

new-cunts

Posted in Art, Words | Tagged , , | 48 Comments

The Wisdom of the Estee Lauder Lady

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I went to Nordstrom with my sister and stopped in my tracks at the Estee Lauder display. A new lipstick promised to say on for 12 hours. I asked the nice Black sales lady to show me the reddest red in the new formula. She admired the red I was already wearing. I told her it was Ruby Woo, one of my all-time favorites. I added, “I think every woman should wear red lipstick!” She nodded sagely and said with great conviction: “Mens like the red.”

So true.

I didn’t like the lipstick but I got the Double-Wear lip Pencil with “12 hour staying power” after testing it on my wrist and finding it impossible to remove.

Posted in Art, Words | Tagged , , | 18 Comments

The Wonder of Rachel Zoe

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Sometimes a person comes along and captures your attention no matter how much you think you don’t care about them. Such is the wonder of Rachel Zoe.

I thought I’d had enough of her after reading about her fight with Nicole Richie and seeing photos of her anorexic shriveled body with the attendant quote: I’m just naturally tiny!

But one of my horrible newsletters invited me to click on Rachel Zoe’s new website and voila! I am hooked. How does she write like that, is my question. It’s like a whole other language! No wonder people like her! This is better than GOOP, don’t you think? Or maybe they can’t be compared, since they are nutty in different ways, like the unhappy families in Anna Karenina.

Here is what I’ve just learned from Rachel Zoe:   Diamond studs can get a little snoozy. That’s right, SNOOZY, you snoozy diamond stud people. I personally have three little snoozy diamond studs in my right ear at this very moment. Luckily, I also have a little gold spike earring in the same ear, or I might feel like a complete loser. Whew! That was a close call.

I can tell Rachel Zoe is going to keep me on my toes. If only she would share that fucking Restylane with me. I know I’m fixated on it, but I can feel my cheeks deflating with every passing moment.

Posted in Celebrities, Fashion, Words | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

BLOG WARS!

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Every blogger wants to have readers. That’s why we’re here. Me, I want to express myself, and I like to get a response. Otherwise, I’d just keep a journal.

It’s good to follow blogging etiquette. But it’s also good to break free and say whatever you want. Lucky for me, I’ve already said I’m a cunt, so I’m already out of that closet, so to speak.

I’m also on record as not liking certain bloggers and types of bloggers. Most people are more circumspect in their opinions. Now, however, I smell trouble and I love it!

Queen Michelle got lots of her readers stirred up when she implied a lack of respect for another blogger called luxirare.   Naughty Queen Michelle! Now people are all huffy, but most don’t want to have to take a stand one way or the other. Even luxirare jumped in and pretended to be hurt!

I CAN’T STAND luxirare and here’s why: She is too pretentious, her grammar is poor, and she features aggressive photos of singularly nauseating food. It doesn’t help that she mentions her mom’s old Chanel stuff. If your mom owned lots of Chanel, she should have taught you some manners, like don’t boast about your privileged background. (I miss my mom and I miss her crappy cheap handbags too.)

Luxirare can live without me being a fan. She’s got a million sycophantic readers going “OMG you are so amaaaaaaaazing!” and the ultimate fashion-girl accolade, “You are seriously killing it.” As far as I’m concerned, luxirare is a moron with a high end camera. Next!

Wait a minute, while I’m at it, I’m not crazy about Sea of Shoes or her vaunted Mom. If you add up what they spend on shoes, you could bail out General Motors and finance a health care program. There are too many $800 shoes going on, and nothing on their minds except for “Look at me! Can you believe me?!”   I don’t see any accomplishment, I just hear cash registers going Ding!

Now what? Do you secretly hate any blogs? Do you secretly hate me? Let’s hear from you.   If you can’t take a stand on something as harmless as blogger aesthetics, what good are you?!

Posted in Fashion, Rants, Words | Tagged , , | 172 Comments

Smut, Art, and Body Image

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The style blog Pipeline asks whether the new spate of erotic magazines “blur the line” between smut and art. I’ve noticed latley that you can’t get away from at least partial nudity in fashion layouts and fashion advertising. While US Vogue is still rather staid, the French, Italian, Australian and Japanese versions all feature racy editorial photos of semi-naked models engaged in bondage-like situations or pseudo lesbian embrace.

The magazines listed by Pipeline are mostly aimed at men, and I would just call it Arty Smut, which isn’t one of my interests but I guess I prefer it to Artless Smut.

What I’m wondering is, how would men be affected if they were bombarded all the time with images of young semi-nude guys with perfect bodies?

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Here’s one right now! Maybe he’s selling that red thing, but who cares? He’s young, he’s perfect, and most men will never, ever come close to looking like this.   If men had to see images like this all the time, I think it might wreak havoc with their self-confidence.   Maybe we’d see more anorexic men. Maybe they’d ask each other, Do my abs look too flabby? What about my pecs?

I’m not bothered by images of beautiful nude women. I’d just like to have a choice whether or not to see them. If Vogue isn’t safe any more, there will be no respite anywhere unless we keep our eyes shut.

It would be nice once in a while to get to forget about tits and ass and how ours measure up.   Men, don’t snicker! You could be next.   Meanwhile, try spending some time here.

Posted in Art, Disorders, Fashion, revenge | Tagged , , | 14 Comments

New It Jacket About to Drop

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It has now been confirmed that this jacket from Topshop is killing it. That means you can look forward to a slew of fashion bloggers modeling this item with hands-to-face.   Too bad if you don’t like money fur or even fake monkey fur.   Girls will be stampeding to get at this jacket. Stand back!

Now, how do you feel about the word “drop” when used in this context?   I personally cannot stand it, but it’s usage is increasing by the minute. I didn’t like it when new records were about to drop, and I like it even less with fashion.   The word “drop” is just wrong, unless a stork drops the records or jackets like a new baby.   Drop is better when preceding the word “dead.”   Why can’t we just say “it arrives on August 28” instead of “it drops?”

I chose August 28 because it’s my birthday! Yay for me!   If you want to make me happy, you can help me compile a decent Hit List .   I’m deferring to those who inexplicably don’t want to kill Bono, so I’ll be starting off with Sting, Ben Stiller, and Lou Dobbs.

Here’s an appealing version of the It Jacket, by surrealist photographer Madame Peripetie, who has a masters degree in Applied Linguistics. I have to think she doesn’t like “drop” either.

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Posted in Art, Fashion, Words | Tagged , , | 21 Comments

Ostrich, Rooster, Who Cares?

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God I love Haute Hippie. This is the  Ostrich Mini Skirt. It’s made of 100% domesticated rooster feathers. Is an ostrich a rooster? Is it me or them? Well, at least it’s fierce.

Haute Hippie takes trendy bohemian garments and adds a luxurious twist. Inspired by the lifestyle of glamorous global nomads, the collection of boho loungewear includes styles perfect for layering that can be worn as inner or outerwear, and still maintain a chic, sexy fit.

I couldn’t have said it better, could you?

Posted in Fashion, Words | Tagged , | 10 Comments

Mrs. Palin is Trailer Trash!

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Mrs. P and her Goon Squad are now turning their wrath upon a blogger who posted the alleged rumor that she’s planning to get a divorce. Here’s what her lawyer sent to the author of   ImmoralMinority: (click for full size)

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Notice that the lawyer, Thomas Van Flein, threatens to serve the blogger with a summons at the kindergarten where he works.

What a fucking baby this lawyer is! Is there nothing too low for these cretins?!? Now the pro-Palin blogs are going nuts with glee over “outing” this dedicated blogger (who calls himself Gryphen) as though being a kindergarten teacher is some kind of embarrassing crime.   Some fucker at a blog called Texas for Sarah Palin is gloating about this letter and calls Gryphen a “beast,” noting that “we wouldn’t want such a creature shaping the minds of our precious offspring!”

Poor Gryphen. These stupid fuckers are trying to bully him into apologizing for starting a rumor on the internet. Why don’t they remember that Mrs. Palin JUST SAID in her resignation speech that our troops are fighting in Iraq to PROTECT OUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH!

Obviously, there is no way that Gryphen could be found guilty of slander, but with enough effort these cunts can mess up his life and maybe even get him fired. I want to salute this man for teaching kindergarten and still having the energy to fight the scourge of evil and ignorance that is Sarah Palin.

Tell this cunt here that you support Gryphen’s freedom of speech. Tell Gryphen that you’ve got his back.

I insist on my right to call that stupid bitch anything I want, and Mr. Van Flein can kiss my ass. In fact, so can Todd, when the divorce is final!

Visit Anti-Palin

Posted in News, Rants, revenge | Tagged , , | 42 Comments