Poor Little Barron, Autistic Or Otherwise

PoorLittleBaron

The maker of a YouTube video suggesting that Barron Trump is autistic has taken the video down and replaced it with a grovelling apology.

The apology is in response to a threat from Melania Trump’s lawyer, who goes around intimidating journalists and bloggers who have incurred the nude model’s wrath.

I watched the video last week, curious about its premise that ten year old Barron is on the autistic spectrum. Clip after clip showed Barron seeming to have difficulty with social cues.

When Mike Pence tries to shake Barron’s hand, the boy keeps his arms rigidly by his side. In other situations, Barron does some mild hand-flapping and makes some weird facial expressions. Most of the time, Barron’s face shows little affect. He is blank but angelic, a description that will strike a chord with most moms of kids on the spectrum.

barron-wont-engage

The video went viral and the Trumps went ballistic, presumably because the mere suggestion that their kid isn’t “perfect” is grounds for a lawsuit. Or maybe because they’re ashamed of having an autistic kid. Maybe they view autism as a defect they need to hide, like John Travolta and his son Jett.

James Hunter, the video’s creator,  said in an interview:

I’m honestly kinda scared right now. The only reason I made the video is because I saw how much social media was bullying Barron Trump, and I wanted it to stop. I was just sending it privately to people who were bullying him to explain to them that Barron might be autistic, and that’s it isn’t okay to bully him for it, because I know what it’s like to be bullied for being autistic.

That was before he heard this from the lawyer:

A video was posted at YouTube recently speculating that Barron might be autistic. He is not. The video includes the hashtag ‘StopTheBullying’ but yet the video itself is bullying by making false statements and speculation about a 10-year old boy for the purpose of harassing him and his parents. The online bullying of children, including Barron Trump, should end now.

It’s just a video, for fuck sake, hardly harassment or libel.  And the narrative is plainly compassionate, not snide or cruel in any way.

In the US, 1 out of 42 boys is diagnosed with autism. Older fathers are a common characteristic, and Trump was 60 when Barron was born. Many famous fathers of autistic sons are open about the diagnosis, taking pride in their sons’ capabilities and strengths.

But not Donald, and not Melania. No sir.

Personally, I know tons of kids and adults on the spectrum and it’s no big deal. It’s like saying you know people who love to talk or who avoid crowds. It’s like having quirks that most people notice and either enjoy or ignore.

The Trumps want to turn it into a horrifying malady because they’re a couple of cunts. Their reaction and the apology they demanded are insulting and likely to increase uninformed stigma.

Luckily for Barron, his private school offers a special program that offers –

one­on­one support to students with learning challenges. Intensive long–term support and remediation is available to a limited number of students in grades K­12 for an additional fee.

Maybe that’s why Melania resists taking Barron out of school to move to the White House.

Poor Barron will have to overcome many obstacles as the son of a greedy narcissistic father who has forced him into the public spotlight. It would be nice if he’s allowed to be himself, whoever that turns out to be.

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Baby Cafe

babycafe

I have the perfect business concept for anyone who wants to finance it: Baby Cafe!

I think it’s self-explanatory but in case you’re picturing a cafe that serves Babies on Toast or something, no, it will be like a Cat Cafe, only with babies to cuddle instead of cats.

WHY DON’T WE HAVE THESE ALREADY?

Baby Cafes would not only bring joy to baby aficionados, they would provide respite and income to stressed-out new mothers. They would ensure that babies receive the tactile affection so necessary for emotional health. They are a win win win!

I think the employees should wear crisp white vintage nurse uniforms, for  an aesthetic that says Clean, Safe, and Professional.  Employees would have to be bonded, obviously.

Patrons would first wash their hands before being seated.

The babies would be laying in nice wicker baskets or maybe little fake cabbage patch gardens.

baby

Patrons will get to wrap the babies in little blankies, feed them with little bottles of their mommies’ milk, burp them, and play simple baby games like One Little Piggy Went To Market. The employees will be available for diaper changes.

Listen, I’m not the only person who craves babies. I know plenty other women and girls who go nuts at the sight of a baby. We just want to hold them and smell them and stroke their little heads. We want to pick out the lint between their toes. You know why?

Because we are fucking mammals, that’s why.

Cat Cafes started in Taiwan and spread to Korea and Tokyo before showing up in Europe and the US.  At first, I found them intriguing but having seen pictures, I am now pretty disgusted. Cats are destructive predators even though you are so mad I just said that.

Cats prey on endangered birds and were once classified as vermin. They carry a parasite  that can lead to schizophrenia in humans. Their tainted feces can be deadly to other animals and we all know they are dangerous to pregnant women and people with suppressed immune systems.

Does this look appetizing?

baby-cafe-not-catscat-cafe-2

If you answered yes, just go away now. We’ll never understand each other.

The time is ripe for Baby Cafe. Think of the millennials who love their cold brewed coffee and don’t have time to have children because they’re busy taking selfies and Ubers. They don’t want to own houses or cars or start families because they don’t even like their own families.

But babies are cute and adorable and lower your blood pressure and help to fulfill a biological drive that technology has not yet entirely extinguished.

baby-schoolBabies are everything.

The other day, my husband was playing some boring dirge-like music in the car, and I quietly sang along, repeating the word “babies” through every tune. It was entertaining for one of us, let me tell you.

Okay then. Baby Cafe: Who’s in?

baby cafe

 

 

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And The Winner Is…

winning wign

It’s childish looking because I was pretty stoned and I decided to use what I had at hand: sharpies, nail polish, and some little holiday stickers that came with some junk mail.

I think it’s pretty good! Here’s a close up:

close up

I went with Amanda’s suggestion, but all of them were great. If things escalate, I’ll choose another one your entries (unless I’m in an internment camp somewhere.)

Thanks!  XOXO

 

 

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A Fetish We Can All Enjoy

fetish we can all enjoy

Last night I discovered that I might be an unwitting member of the online Burqa Fetish Community.

I had never been aware of this fetish, which seeks and celebrates “complete coverage.” I only knew that I like pictures of people wearing veils. In my Tumbler collection, there are hundreds of photos of veiled women (and a few men too.)

Veils are mysterious and exotic, and every culture that employs a veil in some way gets a big thumbs up from me.

Coming across weird photos of draped figures sitting around doing nothing has piqued my interest, but not enough to do any research. God, am I lazy; that’s probably why I’m always the last to know anything.

Now, voila, I get it!

A book called 2041 features a “complete coverage” enthusiast who goes by that number on Flickr, a man who has 60,000 photos that the publishers have edited to form a narrative that is humorous, sinister, and surreal.

It stand to reason that 2014 is British. The Brits really know how to do fetish, don’t they? Remember those guys who can’t be happy until they chop off one of their legs? British. And the tourist who was arrested for coming to the US to have sex with a stallion? British.

But of course, these enthusiasts are not all British. 2041 is part of a connected online community of men and women from across Western Europe and the Gulf States. They are Christians, Muslims and without religion.*

Personally, I don’t care about the drives and underlying psychology behind this fetish. You can do your own research if you want. I only care about the allure and the weirdness.

Here’s what one of the editors says about 2041:

There is definitely an aesthetic dimension of these images that is appealing – the composition and contrast between flatness and texture, the shapes are unlike others I have seen – and there is also a lot of time and effort that has gone into these.

Okay, good  He’s the expert.

I love them because what’s not to love, god damn it!

fetish we can all enjoy

fetish we can all enjoy(c) 2041, Here press

fetish we can all enjoy(c) Mustafa-Sabbagh

fetish we can all enjoyfetish we can all enjoyfetish we can all wnjoy(c) Brendan Zhang

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Exciting New Contest!

exciting contestA neighbor just two houses away from us has put up this handmade sign, and in my opinion, she is asking for trouble.  Make that begging for trouble.

I feel duty-bound to oblige.

Keep in mind there are no other political signs in our neighborhood.

Naturally I’ve been thinking of ways to deface or alter her sign, but she probably has cameras and I don’t feel like being fined or going to court. I guess I could please insanity but I’d like to save that for a capital offense.

So, I need to put up my own sign, right???

I could make a NO TRUMP sign, or a sign that says PLEASE IGNORE TRUMP SIGN with an arrow pointing to her house.

I need your ideas, asap!

*Winner gets all credit for their idea or whatever he/she wants, within reason.

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Thanksgiving Epiphanies

thanksgiving epiphanies

First, let me assure you that this won’t be about stuff I’m thankful for.

Although on Thanksgiving, I actually announced that I’m thankful for not being a dwarf. No offense to the dwarf community.

Otherwise no, not thankful, I’m too depressed for that kind of thinking.

My train of thought is very morbid lately, to the point that while sitting and watching TV one night, I imagined someone shooting me right between the eyes and it felt just and appropriate.

So in this state, I attended a Thanksgiving dinner with my extended family, at a local hotel.

I crafted the structure in the photo above, and that’s the first epiphany: Playing with food is fun and satisfying and I need to do more of it.

The second epiphany came later, hours after I had expounded on the JonBenet Ramsey murder and a more obscure and horrible true-crime story.  It was after a discussion of how to debone rats. and a review of various cable TV shows that caused an outbreak of senility and confusion around the table about which was which.

So a loved one was recounting the reasons for a failed friendship that she was still mourning. After trying to be insightful, I added: “but what do I know, all my friends hate me.”

This led to someone noting that I was too aggressive in “interrogating” people. Whoa! I thought, this isn’t what I expected! I do like to ask questions, and I am persistent. I think of myself as having a lot of curiosity, but not actually obnoxious in my expression of interest.

I turned to another loved one and asked, “Do you think this about me??” And he said, “Well, I will say that you don’t like to leave well enough alone.”

So now, stoned and drunk as I was, I felt as though a curtain had been pulled away, to reveal that even the people who love me can’t stand me. I felt hurt and defensive.

I admitted that I don’t like to leave well enough alone. Why should I?? I thought and also said aloud.

My husband appeared and it was time to go home. I burst into tears as soon as we were outside. I explained that everyone hated me and as always, he was sweet and comforting as well as amused.

Epiphany #2 is: Don’t get yourself in a position to hear what people don’t like about you. Stay far away from that. It’s a road you don’t need to travel.

Epiphany #3 is: Even believing that the trait I most define as “Me” is exactly what people hate, I would never work on changing my behavior.  Ever. So now I realize that my stubbornness is even more Me than that other shit.

NO WONDER EVERYONE HATES ME!

Epiphany #4 would be better if I had a photograph, but here it is: If you take five pats of butter and stand them in a group at certain intervals, you can balance a mini pumpkin on them!

It’s something about the distribution of weight that men seem to instinctively understand. I didn’t believe it would work, but my pretend-niece’s husband proved me wrong. It was a moment I will treasure forever.

So how was your Thanksgiving? Anything to report?

 

 

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Posted in Disorders, love, Words | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

Sweden Takes a Stand Against Mansplaining

sweden takes a stand against mansplaining

Sweden has got to be one of the word’s most progressive countries, with its ban on spanking children and its generous 480 days of paid family leave for each child.

Now, its largest union has a hotline for employees to report mansplaining in the workplace. It defines mansplaining as when

“a man explains something to a woman without being asked, particularly something which she might already know more about than the man”.

This is a huge step for women’s sanity and I’d like more countries to follow Sweden’s lead.

No more can some prick in your office tell you how to work the copying machine in that condescending voice. In the lunchroom, you won’t have to listen to Mr. World Traveler expound on how to get the cheapest airfare.

You can run to the phone and scream, “Lars is at my desk telling me how to make a spreadsheet!”

Lars won’t go to jail or even get fired, but you – his victim- will receive advice for productive action against him.

Sweden sounds like a Shangri-La except for the sardine-on-crispbread-snacks and the weather and the no sunshine.

But I worry that forbidding mansplaining at work might have consequences.

What if Swedish men come home after a long day of being muzzled at the office and launch into endless monologues about why certain gaskets are superior, and how the government works, and where to get the very best meatballs and why Ingmar Bergman is overrated, and what to do if your co-worker ignores the chain of command?

Who do you call then?

Me, I call my sister. We have discovered that both our husbands like to explain how to manage the contents of the refrigerator. “Use the older one first,” they both advise, like we are toddlers or tourists from Mars.

Mansplaining in the home is still the Wild West, where it’s every woman for herself.

If you live with a man, what is your favorite riff from your Mansplainer-in-Chief?

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A Trump Supporter With Hissing S’s

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Daddy’s Girl

daddy's girl

As we attempt to brace ourselves for a Trump presidency, let’s address the matter of the favorite First Daughter, Ivanka Trump.

It’s no secret that Donald finds his daughter attractive. He’ s already said he would date her if he could, and he’s openly boasted about her “voluptuous” body.

For all we know, he picked out and paid for her resplendent implants, which are surprisingly similar in yardage to Melania’s.

In any case, pictures speak louder than words so cover your ears because this will be deafening:

daddys-girl

ivanka-in-dads-bedivanka-trump-donald-trump-zoom

ivanka-before-and-after

ivanka-gropedI don’t like the way he looks at her and I don’t like the body language. Call me (or him) crazy.

I want to feel sorry for Ivanka. She was once powerless. How could she know what was appropriate or inappropriate?

But she knows one thing and that’s how to market herself and her Ivanka Trump products.

After appearing with Dad on 60 Minutes last night, Ivanka had an underling send a memo out to the press, asking them to note that she was wearing a bracelet from her own collection.

letter-about-ivanka-jewelry

The apple doesn’t fall far from the monster, does it?

The Trumps are a gang of pimps and ho’s who all deserve therapy under Obamacare, which mandates that mental health be treated like physical health.

But meanwhile, our government needs to ensure that a Trump regime doesn’t become a kleptocracy once these grifters move into the White House and set the stage to blow up the world.

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Let’s Take A Denim Break

lets take a denim breakSometimes we must seek relief wherever we can find it and tonight I offer denim.

These ugly shorts are the worst possible way to spend $325 but go ahead, see if I care. Look at the rear view:

denim-6397-shorts-rearWhy not just kill yourself?

What about these pin-button embellished jeans by Each X Other, A bargain at $406.91.

each-x-other-pin-covered-jeansThe sheer stupidity and inconvenience! At least the pins are only on the front, so you can sit down. But you know what, if you buy these jeans, you don’t deserve to sit down. You must stay on your feet like Jane Fonda did in “They Shoot Horses Don’t They” until you collapse in despair.

Let’s say you have a wry sense of humor and you think it’s funny to wear jeans with a drawing of jeans on them.

farfatch-jeansWHAT COULD BE FUNNIER, MOTHERFUCKER?

Oops, sorry, it’s been a bad week and I’m overreacting. Or am I? These jeans have been reduced from $1,075 to $645. So you can be all Dada and everything while still feeling thrifty. Just don’t come near me wearing them.

Finally, there are these cropped distressed jeans by Kimhekim:

denim_kimhekim-blue-cropped-distressed-jeans-2An avant garde design for just $280, allowing you to pretend these holes are windows to your soul. In some cultures, this purchase would call for a good knee-capping. I’m just saying.

“In Denim Is Truth” as they say in Latin.

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Posted in Fashion, grief | Tagged , , | 10 Comments